


The Most Dangerous Person on the Planet

by QuarkieSoul



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-08-25 15:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 43,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16663120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuarkieSoul/pseuds/QuarkieSoul
Summary: There are battles they fight as a team and others they fight alone.  The patience and determination of an old nemesis brings the fears from their pasts to battle in the present. Can Sam and Jack hold on to everything they have built and save the world yet again, or is the cost too high this time? Set mostly in 2011 during second season of SGU (in the background). Rating is for graphic violence and language.“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” - André MalrauxChapters 14-19 added.





	1. February 1991, just before dawn: Iraq

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” - André Malraux  
"The Most Painful State of Being is Remembering the Future" – Soren Kierkegaard

* * *

 

“Where to now, Colonel?”

“Let me check my map and compass.  Oh right, wait... I don’t have a fucking clue.”  He’s exhausted, dehydrated and scared. They both are, but they are also both realist and know if they don’t find a place to hide soon, they will be chained back up at the prison camp or more likely, just killed for escaping.  The thorny scrub has been ripping through his pants and scratching his legs and and he can’t even feel his feet any longer. Except for the grunts from the exertion climbing over the rocks, they’re both quiet until he makes up his mind to stop fighting instinct and follow the strong and very strange urge up the side of this particular foothill.  What do they have to lose? 

“You sure.” John stops. 

“You asked me,” the Colonel shrugs.

“We need to find water.”

“Yeah,” Is all he says, because it’s been months since either of them has seen a whole bottle of water or the inside of a gym - and, the lack of both are kicking their butts right now.  All he knows for certain is he really can’t go much farther before he’s going to pass out, but he sure as hell can’t go back. 

Dawn explodes on the horizon, they both squint with the small addition of light and try not to panic to find cover.

“Is that a cave?” John asks and wobbles over some rocks and through some thick brush toward his goal.

“Be careful.” Now he feels cautious, because this is where he has been led, but he still doesn’t understand why or to what.  He looks around as he follows John up. He has been moving in this direction, drawn towards something for the past hour that he could not begin to explain to a CIA agent or anyone else for that matter.  At first, he discounted it, as it was just his desire to get as far away from the prison camp they were running from. Now he wonders what they are moving towards.

Inside the cave is it pitch black.  It’s barely dawn outside and no light is reaching inside yet. But even the mouth of the cave is a cool balm to their skin and lungs and they are drawn into the comfort and safety it offers.  It should be rejuvenating, but the relief, darkness and cool air pull them both to the floor and he knows he’s passing out. “Fu-.”

Later John is the first to speak, neither sure how long it’s been. The relief and exhaustion hit them both so hard, they had passed out, not 10 feet into the cave, “I’m not dead. Colonel?”

He wakes to the feel sand and rock under his face.  He’s been conscious for a few minutes already, trying to get a sense of where, how and why… “Here.”  Is all he responds. Still exhausted. As he rolls over, he sees the bright light at the mouth of the cave.  It’s still too dark to see anything inside, but he has been able to determine the cave faces West.

He pulls himself up and looks out over the plain they travelled earlier.  He can barely see the camp in the distance, across the range. “I don’t see anyone out there, yet.”

He doesn’t get a response.

“John?!” He turns back toward the cave.  His eyes adjusting to the brightness outside, makes it seem even darker inside again.

“I’m not dead.” He repeats.

“That makes two of us.  I think.”

“Tired.” He answers again, faintly. 

He knows if they don’t find water, they will both die in this cave. The prison kept them severely dehydrated in addition to the torture.  He hears a drip and moves along the edge of the wall feeling his way, wondering how deep it is and if they’re alone. His eyes aren’t adjusting.  He feels wetness under his palms and feels a swell of hope for the second time today. He finds the drip and stands under it with his mouth open. “Water.” He informs John.  It’s cool and clean and tastes better than what he’s been drinking at the prison camp. It takes a while to get any amount to swallow, but he is desperate, and he’d probably throw it up if he got too much too fast anyway.  He wipes his wet hands over his face. He hasn’t had a shower in the months since his capture, it feels so good. He wonders how long it’s been exactly. Soon John is there with him.

He turns his back to the wall and lets the wetness seep into his shirt and all over his back. “Better than sex.”

“I wish I could remember. I am pretty sure that’s not quite right.” John is starting to feel more like himself.

They both laugh, not with much enthusiasm, but it is nice to feel even a slight sense of joy.

“We need to get deeper, if we have any hope of hiding in here.”

“We’ll need a light source. Maybe we could burn some of that scrub outside.” John suggests.

The Colonel continues to feel along the walls of the cave and stumbles into more than one rock in his nearly bare feet, but pain is a surreal thing after months of torture.

“Did you hear that?” John is either more alert or hallucinating. Both entirely reasonable assumptions.

“What?”

“I think it’s a helicopter.”

“Help me look for tunnels or a crevice -- anything.” Abandoning the hope of finding something to burn, they both walk along the walls, feeling for an opening. A cave wall moves, there is a strange sound and then the entire small cave lights up.  “Shit!” The both yell.

“Oh my God! What the hell is that? Turn it off before someone sees.” John panics.

“I don’t know how I-”

First, he looks around for a place to run deeper and hide, but the bright light reveals the limits of their options.  He turns back toward the light shielding his eyes. “I have no idea how I turned it on. Look, there’s a map or some kind of diagram on the far wall.” They both look in squinting against the brightness and try to focus.

“I don’t recognize the symbols.  It’s not Kurdish or Russian. You ever seen anything like it?”  John evaluates and asks.

“It looks like an elevator inside a cave to me.” 

As it occurs to them to try and see if the doors will shut and they can hide in the elevator.  Voices register from outside, it’s too late. Enemy forces are already upon them.

He is pulled from the mouth of the elevator like room forcefully.  “Ahhhhh… not the knees!” he screams after they kick him in the back of the knees. But he covers his face, really hoping they don’t kick him in the nose again.  That still hurts like a bitch.

The guards look around the room yelling commands nervously in Russian.  He catches some of the words, they’re scared. Terrified. He wonders if he should be more scared.

There is one calm voice though, the one that raises the hair on the back of his neck… the one that really scares the shit out of him; as it has for nearly four months now.  He knows in an instant, he is going back to the prison camp or he’s dead. Either way he’s never going home.

“What have you found for us, Lt. Colonel O’Neill?”  Izmaylov’s face appears above him, lit up with an eerie, greenish glow from the elevator-like room, and then he sees the gun. Izmaylov waits to make sure Jack is watching when he moves his aim and shoots John in the face. 

Jack feels the weight of failing the other man and then Izmaylov’s foot makes contact with Jack’s nose and everything goes black again.


	2. 06-06-2001 06:40 MT: The Broadmor Hotel, Colorado Springs, CO

“Not a problem. We’ll hold your suitcase, until the end of the symposium today Ma’am.” The woman at the hotel desk said as she handed her a claim ticket.  “Would you like a receipt for your room?”

“Yes.” Sam replied and looked at her watch.  She still had plenty of time before her first session today.  Hopefully, it’s more interesting today. Difficult to feel the wonder and awe of the Space Symposium, nearing the end of her 4 th year at the SGC.

“Oh, Major Carter, there’s an envelope here for you.” She handed Sam the envelope, “And, here is your receipt.  I circled your new reward point balance. Thank you for staying with us again.”

She took the envelope and started making her way toward the Government Affairs Breakfast she was scheduled to attend.  Overhead the banner welcomed them all 2001 17 th National Space Symposium.  She did not need to get a room, since the event was always held here in Colorado Springs, but it made it easier to attend the more social aspects of the conference.  She smiled. Was that a pro or con to this event? 

She started to tear at the top of the envelope to take a look at the unexpected package before the breakfast.  Her name had been casually scribbled on the outside, “Maj. Sam Carter”. She pulled out what looked like an official government document.  The title at the top: THE CARTER POLICY, but it is what is scribbled underneath that makes her shiver, chest tighten, and become hyperaware.  She looked around the lobby for any suspicious characters, as she flipped through the pages. There were excerpts from her reports. She stuffed it back in the envelope and held it closer.

How had confidential material end up here at a hotel desk for her?  She returned to the desk.

“Can you tell me who left this?” She held the envelope up the woman who had assisted her.

“I don’t know.  It was sitting here on the counter when I came on shift about 15 minutes ago.  Everything alright, Ma’am.”

No.  She was pissed and concerned. “Can you please get my bag for me? I’m afraid, I need to head out early.”

“Sure.  Your ticket?” 

She thought of everything she knew.  All she had learned about Asgard and Goa’uld devices, the friends she had made with Alien races… the Nox, Tollan, and the Tok’ra.  She had been the host to a Tok’ra and recently yet another unnamed alien entity. What she knew about Goa’uld motherships, Naquadah, the gate system.  She wondered if this was an extension of what recently happened to General Hammond with the Trust and she was just the next one they are coming after.

Sam found she was still holding the envelope close when she entered the elevator to descend into the SGC and as she walked straight into General Hammond’s office.  She was grateful to see him sitting there so early in the morning. 

“Sir, this was left for me this morning, at the front desk of The Broadmor.” She handed it over, his look of confusion and concern as he opened it and pulled it out. 

Hammond picked up his phone, “I need you in my office, ASAP, Colonel.”

“They’re not wrong, Sir. What I know about Asgard and Goa’uld technology. Hell, I built a most powerful bomb on the planet-” she rambled throwing her arms up.

“Sam…” She could tell he wanted to contradict her, but he paused and seemed to think better of it. When he continued, he said something she would never forget, “…and don’t you ever forget that.” He stated firmly.  “Only you decide how that knowledge and power will play out. Not them.”

She nodded, but lost eye contact.  She could only hope her strength and confidence would grow in proportion to what she would learned. “I think I should check on my brother.”

Hammond nodded and handed her the phone. 

She held it close for a moment, she didn’t know what to say.

“I could send someone to check on them and watch over them today. Would that be better?”

She nods this time and puts the phone down. They're all a little more concerned after Hammond's granddaughters had been taken for a ride earlier this year and blackmailed to resign.  She's thankful he's back, but did they truly stop them? 

“Sir?” O’Neill is at the door much faster than either expects.  “What are you doing here, Carter?”

“I think you should take a look at this Colonel.” Hammond informs him as he hands over the document. Jack makes his way through each page.  Trying to understand. He recognized the excerpts from Carter’s reports over the past four years but realizes this is not some sort of proposal either – mainly from the red subtitle scrolled on the first page.  “Somebody wanna throw me a bone here?”

“Major Carter received this at the front desk of the Broadmor hotel this morning.”

Jack jaw tightened; his protective nature snapping into place.

“This more of what happen to you, Sir?” Jack directs at Hammond. He also thinks back to the very recent threat to Hammond.

“I don’t know.”

“Well none of this is new to us.  We have been reading the paranoid ramblings of Carter for years now.  Granted it’s a little more disconcerting to seeing all of it in one place.” He is aware when she tenses at his words.  He flipped through a few more pages. “Permission to look into how this came to Carter, Sir.”

“With the usual restrictions, Jack. Why don’t you return to the Space Symposium with Major Carter? See what you can find.”

“If you insist.” His words are mocking but he nods and looks at Sam as he finally considers her warnings.


	3. 10-04-2010 Exact time and location unknown

**_10 years later._ **

Confused.  Groggy.  _ ‘I can't.’  ‘I can't.’ _  Deep aching. Shivers.  Need blanket. She can’t move her arms to cover herself. Just a bad dream, Sam. “No.  No escape.”

Garbled voices.   _ ‘Oh God, the pain!’ _  “Key?” Burning, sharp, blinding. She wants to die. “Key?!” Screaming.  _ ‘No, no, no.’  _ Smells like of vomit, blood and burning flesh.   _ ‘Please wake up, Sam.’ Breathe! _

Deep aching pain.  "We are watching you." Debilitating fear hits her.  She gasped for air, feels like blood in her mouth. “ZPM."  Screaming pain.  _ “Stop, stop!” _

"I will take your family. Just as we took Pete."  More sharp pain, burning smell. “I know your greatest secret.” She heard and felt his distorted breath whisper in her ear. She cries, coughs and chokes, the pain is unbearable and then everything is dark.


	4. 10-05-2010 12:14 MT: Montgomery, AL, Capitol Hill Golf Club

She slipped off her shoes and opened the lunch she grabbed on the way back from training.  She’s starving and exhausted. Her phone vibrates with a text message from Malcolm asking if she remembered their golf tee time this afternoon at 13:30. She’s feeling a little cranky, but he’s always had a very good reason to schedule golf and she hasn’t seen him in a while.  Her training schedule has a break this afternoon; he apparently is aware of this. She looked at the bed and cancels her plan for a nap. She knows she can’t say no. She takes a quick look through the hotel’s local attractions list.

‘Of course. Capitol Hill, correct?’ She responds.

‘Yes.  Glad you didn’t forget me this time.’

She looks at her watch to make sure she plans for time to shop on the way. Her garage looks like she is crazy about golf.  Five pairs of golf shoes in as many years. She has a thing about renting shoes and gloves; so instead she has a collection at home.  Unfortunately, it makes Jack think to invite her to play golf every so often; fortunately, time spent playing golf with Jack has upped her game and given them some good memories.

Malcolm is drinking a beer when she gets there, his usually casual appearance in khakis and a polo only serves to make her more nervous.

“It really is beautiful here,” she’s looking over the scorecard and making small talk as they cross the bridge to the 6 th hole.  At the first hole, instead of their names he wrote Not safe and Surveillance as their names.  She notes how careful he is even about how much he will write on the card at each hole. It’s painstaking slow, getting the information from him.  All she has gathered so far is that it is not safe here to talk, that she is the target – not him. If it’s not safe out here on a remote golf course in Alabama, she thinks it must be bad. But another part of her already knows.

“Hold up.” He says as she is lining up her next shot and he stands behind her and guides her swing, under the guise of giving her tips.  They are at a remote hole now, nothing but trees, water and sand as far as the eyes can see. He is close to her ear, “You left Alabama last night.” Suddenly, strange memories she thought were a bad dream, become clearer.  _ There is pain. Horrible, debilitating pain.  Something about the gate, a key… it’s difficult to hold on, she can’t quite pull it together.  She gasps for air and wakes in her bed at the hotel.  _ She shivers and inhales sharply in his arms.  The details are fuzzy, but the sense of danger is clear, and she feels very afraid for one person in particular, though she can’t quite understand why.

Malcolm loses his balance a bit with her startled movement, but they come back together, and they are swinging the club together again. She nods.

“Not intentionally?”

She shakes her head; the memory of the pain constricts her throat and brings tears to her eyes, but they don’t fall.

He sighs and then pulls back and gives her room to swing.  She focuses and it’s a really good swing; of course it is. She’s always better under pressure. She turns around and hugs Malcolm.  She hates playing the  _ girl grateful to get a guy’s golf advice _ , but she needs the opportunity. She whispers, “I think I was tortured, and possibly revived in a sarcophagus last night. Find Pete.”

“I’ll be in touch, don’t talk to anyone – and I mean anyone about this until after we can have a safe conversation.” He says as he turns his face into her neck and her hair.

She nods into his neck, “Hammond, 10 th 06:00, I’ll beam you aboard.” She pulls back and fixes her ponytail and looks around. As if she is concerned that someone might have seen her in an embrace with Malcolm.  After all, she is a married woman.

He’s surprised when he realizes she’s already very aware of how dangerous this is. And, then he’s reminded who he’s talking to and knows he really shouldn’t be surprised. That’s part of the problem.

As she puts her golf club back in the bag, she casually ask… “Did I tell you? I’m pregnant.” She knows that even though her and Jack have not been very public about it yet, Malcolm knows more about her than her own husband, and she is now realizing that this threat goes well beyond the Stargate program. She puts her hand over her abdomen protectively.

“Yeah, I heard.  Congratulations.” He says sadly.  It could work if this meeting was more than friendly, but he knows why she mentions it.  She scared for her baby. Back in the cart and underway, he squeezes her hand and they get ready to move on to the next hole.


	5. 10-07-2010 08:14 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

“I’ll be there, Cass. I wouldn’t miss it.”

_ “And, Dad?” _

She sighed and did her best to hide her irritation with Jack, “No, I’m sorry, he had to… go out of the Country.”

_ “Oh.  Everything okay?” _

“Yeah. It was unexpected, but you know… the usual.  I’ll be there, I promise. Look, I gotta go, Daniel’s stalking me.” She was kinda grateful for Daniel, since she did not feel like defending Jack O’Neill right now.

_ “Tell him, I said ‘Hi’.” _

“Will do.”

_ “Love you, Mom!” _

“Love you too, kiddo.” Sam replied and ended the call just before she checked through security.  She smiled as Cassie’s words repeated in her head. Over the years, following Janet’s death, Cassie had started calling her and Jack, Mom and Dad, but it wasn’t always easy. That was seven years ago when Sam lost her best friend.

Daniel handed her a cup of coffee. “It’s decaf,” he warned.

“I hate you.” She sighed, took a sip, and tried to pretend it wasn’t.  “Cassie says, Hi.”

He smiled, “How is she?”

“Good, really good. Just disappointed that Jack is going to miss her speech at the Benefit for the hospital. I think she’s nervous.”

“Oh, I wanted to go to that.  Can I go with you?”

“That would be great. I’d rather not drive to Denver alone.”

“So, how was the training?”

Sam tried to hide her sudden need to gasp for air, but it passed quickly; she recovered and answered with barely a delay, “As fun as an Advanced Conflict Resolution can be.  Daniel were you waiting for me?” She asked as they stepped into the elevator to descend into the mountain. She needs to tell him; find a dark corner of the SGC as soon as possible.

“Yeah.” He smiled big.

“Yeah?!” She asked hopeful.

“Yep!” Daniel lifted his shoulders with his best ‘kid in a candy shop’ look firmly in place on his face.

“When’s the mission scheduled?”

“Tentatively, 2 days.”

“2 days, why the wait?”

“Landry wants a UAV recon today.  The terrain is rough. Said he doesn’t need any more surprises this week. After, the debacle in Pegasus.”

“Any news, yet?”

“No, but I’m sure Jack is fine.”

“Oh yeah, he never gets in over his head.” She responded sarcastically.  “How about a little recon overkill?”

“Whatcha thinking?”

“I got notice last night that the new robotic reconnaissance dogs are ready for their first independent field test. Reynolds said they have performed really well on preliminary tests with the teams."

“That would be great!”

They stepped out and walked over toward the secondary elevators to descend the rest of the way down.

“Ma’am.”  The airman at the desk between levels handed her an envelope as they did many mornings.

As they stepped into the elevator she handed Daniel her coffee cup and opened the envelope.

As soon as she saw the familiar title at the top, she knew it was another one: THE CARTER POLICY. A ridiculous name for something she had fought so hard against becoming a reality.  She had only received these 5 or 6 times over the past decade, but the subtitle written in red underneath always unnerved her.  _ The Most Dangerous Person on the Planet. _

The first one was in 2001 just after they had finally defeated Apophis, the report was only comprised of excerpts from her own reports of the work she was doing at that time.  In 2002, she found a report in her locker at the pool, this one included Barrett’s notes of his concerns after she had saved Earth from an asteroid and the Anubis attack on the SGC.  After Fifth had taken her in 2004, she received the third envelope in a drive thru for a mochaccino, the report cautioned her ever increasing knowledge of and relationships with alien races, the NID decided the paper had merit.  Hammond and O’Neill promoted her to Lt Colonel Carter and assured her it would never be implemented. In 2006, after suffering the indignity of having to work with Ba’al on Merlin’s gate, a child at the mall handed her the next one; the official policy under consideration that would include Daniel, Rodney and a few others.  In 2008, she returned home from her trip to Hammond’s funeral in Washington DC, to a lonely house with an envelope on her dining room table informing her the Policy was now in effect. Her tracking device used for field work would now be monitored on Earth 24/7. She signed her paperwork to command the Hammond the next day and wished them luck tracking her out there. 

As she flipped through the pages of this 6 th version, she saw the next phase of the program was now in effect.  She no longer tried to find out how the envelopes got to her: the trail always went cold.  From her own early reports, to an enacted policy to contain her, to one that now invaded and impacted the lives of those she loved.  She passed it off to Daniel.

“Another one?” He flipped through it. “Ah, nice to see they let us know they’re expanding the program… again.”  Daniel flippantly let the envelope and papers fall from his hand to the floor as if it was just garbage. “You alright?”

No.  She was pissed. She just shook her head. And tired to hold on to Hammonds’ words.  _ “Only you decide how that knowledge and power will play out. Not them.” _ What she knew then paled in comparison to what she knew now.  If they had only known then how much more dangerous she would become... 

Daniel took her hand. 

How could Jack have not told her?  Right. He’s in the Pegasus Galaxy on Atlantis.  _ Chicken shit! _ He probably went to avoid her reaction.

Tears start to well up in her eyes and she choked them back, chastising herself for crying at the SGC.  But with every thought of how this will impact the lives of those she loved, she had to fight them back more and more.   _ No tears, _ she screamed in her head, and they obey and don’t come.  _ “Damn it, Jack.” _ She says barely above her breath, but Daniel hears her clearly, and squeezes her hand. 

He knows how disappointed she is.  He’s been fighting it too. Both the policy and Jack.  But he also knows that with every passing day her concerns are becoming a bigger reality for her and Cassie if she only knew. 

“We prove them wrong every day, Sam.”

She wipes the tears that eventually ignore her orders from her face, “But, wouldn’t it be more fun proving them right.” She responded with a sardonic laugh and a sideways smile, tired of it all.

He raised his eyebrows at her statement.

By the time the elevator reaches her stop, her anger has evolved into disappointment and she hates that more than tears and more than anger.

“Why didn’t he fight for us, Daniel?” She turns and ask. 

He sighs and shakes his head, with no answer for her.  He let go of her hand, reached down, picked up the papers off the floor and followed her.  He remembered the earlier times when she was afraid of what they would do. She has long grown past that.  Some days he fears what influence this will have over her, but then he is reminded of who Sam Carter is and he is sure she will be here long after the policy.


	6. 10-08-2010 10:27 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

“Okay, so Monitor 1 is Rex and Monitor 2 is Molly.” Dr. Evans explained, though there was tape underneath each monitor number with their names listed. “This is as far as the MALP could go, so into all new unmanned, ground territory from here. As you can see the UATRR’s are not as limited by the terrain as the MALPs and they can get through the brush the UAVs can’t see through.  They all watched the monitors as the robots climbed down the hill through the wooded area, determining when to duck or step over and when to move around obstacles. It was mesmerizing.

“You all are lucky they added the camera stabilization, the first camera tests made me nauseous to monitor.” Dr. Evans shared their progress. Not yet jaded though to the accomplishment of these robots’ trek in unfamiliar territory, “As you can see, slopes and uneven terrain are not limiting factors.”

“The dogs really are amazing, Evans.” Landry watched as the camera on one of them swept the area and occasionally they could see the other ‘dog’ on the monitors. The physical and environmental data displayed on the feed from sensors on the robots.  Evans, clicked on the keyboard in front of him and his eyes flickered from the camera feeds to the data and back again. Then the dogs entered the denser overgrowth.

“Thank you, Sir. But they’re not dogs.”

Sam bit her lip and squeezed his shoulder. “Roll with it Evans, you know we are dealing with a lot of robotics baggage here.” The unmanned exploration program had grown to be much more effective since the introduction of drones and now these Unmanned All-Terrain Reconnaissance Robots.  Sam thought back to when the robots arrived headless and looked a bit too reminiscent of large replicators. She feared the SGC would see them as too much like replicators, and so she had to find a way to get them approved. Luckily, they were testing a new robotic arm to attach, that when retracted looked somewhat like a head and with a little more work – looked even more like a head. Though Evans protested, she saw how differently he interacted with them too.  When Jack named them, she knew she was going to get to keep them and when they found Marine and Air Force dog collars around their ‘necks’ one morning, she felt she had succeeded in getting the teams to accept them as well.

Daniel watched anxiously.

After the long climb down and through the challenging forest like terrain, “Entering a clearing.  Yeah, this is definitely the source of those EM readings,” Daniel pointed and noted as the readings showed an increase in activity on the monitor.

The floor was laid with uneven, broken, brownish bricks or stones that tilted down to the other side, like a small amphitheater. The area was in ruins; whatever this place had been, no one seemed to have been visiting lately.

“Wow,” many said as the robotic dogs walked around and the cameras took in the entire area.

“Looks like doors, down there in the front.  Can you get closer?” Vala requested, reaching over the technician, pointing at the screen.

Daniel looked like he was going to jump out of his skin, as the technicians guided the dogs toward the focal point of the ruins and it was indeed a doorway.

“Looks like a typical ancient pattern on the doors.” Daniel commented smiling that the intel was accurate.

“There’s the door’s control panel.” Sam pointed to the typical Ancient tech. “Pan up?”

The technician turned the dogs head up and took a step back.

“Down now?”

“What are you looking for?” Landry asked.

“Well Sir, the Ancient’s didn’t put doors on top of their bases. The door just seems to be there by itself.”

“Right.”

Rex’s camera went dark.

“Pan Molly to Rex.” Evans instructed the other technician.

“Confirmed.  Rex is down.”

Molly was focused again on surveying the area for threats.

“No heat signatures or increases in EM readings.  There are no indications of foul play. Sorry, I’ll have to get him back to see what went wrong.”

The other technician moved Molly around to continue to get video of the surrounding area. 

“Keep moving past the door. Behind it.” Landry instructed. A thunderous noise grew louder and louder as the dog moved through the trees.  “Stop.” He yelled after about 50 feet. The trees stopped at the edge of a cliff. A deep gorge appeared. “Dr. Lee.“ Landy invited to debrief them.

“The UAV readings indicated this gorge ranges from 600 to 1500 meters across in the 5 Kilometers we studied.  We do not know exactly how deep the river is, but the waves are regularly reaching 30m. The tallest wave recorded on Earth is 25.6m.”

“That’s incredible.” Daniel acknowledged.

“And, that is not the extent of it.  Those mountains in the distance dwarf the Himalayan Mountains. Which is probably where all of that water is flowing from and the reason it’s moving so fast.  The scale of the planet is similar to Earth, but this terrain is completely off the charts from most of what we have experienced. It is a very violent environment.  These churning rapids are eating away at the gorge walls and we predict the gate will be swallowed up in the next 30-45 days and that doorway right there, will not last the week.”

“We need to hurry then.” Daniel insisted. “Look, that doorway is Ancient.  We have not seen a lot of Ancient technology, beyond the gate system in our galaxy.  If it’s about to be swallowed up by that river, I need to get out there before it’s gone.”

“I wanted you all to see this and hear Dr. Lee’s warnings, because I want you to understand how dangerous this mission is.  Dr. Lee is only guessing we have a week. We may not. If the situation changes during your mission you need to come back in a hurry. No hesitation.”

“Can I bring Molly back now, General?”

“Please.”

Molly returned to Rex near the doorway to take some additional pictures of him to see if they could find any obvious clues, “Is that smoke?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, probably electrical. Bringing Molly home now.”

“That was a very successful first solo run, guys.” Sam tried to encourage the disappointed engineers as they left to the Gateroom to check Molly.  “Don’t worry, we’ll get Rex back.” 

“Are we a go now, General?” Daniel asked anxiously.

“Yeah, at the very least we have to get Rex back.  That thing cost more than my house and car, and yours and yours, combined.  So, get with Walter to slip in a quick briefing this afternoon.”

Vala whispered to Daniel.  “We’re already a go for 14:00.” She smiled at Daniel and then feigned innocence at Landry, “What? I was confident. And, I know you are a very busy man.”

Sam watched the video again and again in conjunction with the readings from the dogs.

Her phone vibrated, and she looked at the blank screen.

“Something wrong?” Daniel asked.

“No, I need to replace this phone.  It keeps doing that.” She shows him the blank screen and looked back up at the monitor.

“You want to go so bad.” He teased her.

“Of course, I do.  I wanna see what’s behind that door, and I really wanted to see the dogs in action. Not watch them on monitors from this room.  And, this is the first Ancient base we have found in our galaxy, except on Earth and the one General O’Neill led us to for the ZPM. And, it will be gone soon.” She bit at her nails and continued to make notes on the dogs from the tapes.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to go through the gate?” Daniel later asked Sam at lunch.

“I'm just pregnant, Daniel.  And, only 4 months at that.” She hopes she still is.  She hasn’t felt him kick in 2 days. She’s read that its normal when he is still this small.  But she knows she has valid reasons to be concerned.

“But didn’t you two have a deal?”

“Yes, we did and where is he right now?”

“Atlantis.” Daniel answered.

“And, how did he get there?”

“Through the gate.”

“It’s not dangerous, Daniel.” She explains.

“What’s up campers?” Cam asked as he and Vala joined them at the table.

“She really wants to go.” Daniel informed him.

“Of course, she does.” He looked up and asked the room, “Who wants to go check out the possibility of a new flying city with me?” Everyone in the commissary raised their hands. “Point.” He punctuated.

“Oh, I doubt you’ll find a functioning flying city.” Sam noted.

Mitchell looked at her disappointed.

“Look at that environment and all we’ve seen is a door.  I hope Daniel’s intel was right, but that river might have already displaced it.”

“Sam  _ is _ still a member of SG1.” Daniel advocated despite not liking her assessment.

“She doesn’t even believe there’s anything to see.”  Mitchell replied to Daniel and then turned to Sam and sighed.  “Every mission is a risk. You heard Landry this is a dangerous mission.  There are so many possible threats. No matter how many recons we do.”

“I know.”

“That’s why you made this choice not to go on any missions in advance.”

“I know but look at just last week when the Chinese team brought back a virus that had everyone hallucinating.  I don’t have to leave the base to be in danger, Cam. Just being on base is a risk I take coming to work every day and this is Ancient technology and Vala is doing great, but I do have the most Ancient technology experience on this base.  I think you need me.” She responded definitively. She thought about how this might be the last time she could go out with SG-1. She had had not yet told any of them that she had applied to return to be the Atlantis base commander. It wasn’t certain yet.  She might be leaving soon to return to the Pegasus galaxy. And, she might have still maintained her strength to stick to their decision not to join a mission, if it was not for the damn Carter Policy expansion.

“Despite Dr Lee’s warning, this is an easy trip through the gate.  If she’s going to make an exception. It might as well be against measurable environmental threats.” Daniel argued.

“Dammit Daniel, are you trying to curse this mission? Knock on wood. There are no easy missions.”

“I’m not-”

Cam did not back down though, so Daniel looked around and seeing nothing wooden, he knocked on Cam’s head. 

“We can take Dr. Avery,” Cam argued. “She has almost as much Atlantis experience as Sam.”

“I have significantly more experience in the field with the technology.  Sophie never left Atlantis.”

“Which need I remind you, was  _ all _ Ancient technology.” Mitchell raised his voice.  “Sam, you know better than anyone how often these things don’t go as planned. Hell, they NEVER go AS planned. Dr. Lee says we have a week, which means we probably have a day.” Then he batted Vala’s hand away from reaching for the brownie on his tray.

“I know.” She repeated.  She did, and she had calculated the risk and was probably not being nearly as honest with herself as she should be.  But she really wanted to see that base, how the dogs worked in the team dynamic and more than that she needed one more trip with them as a goodbye.  And, she was more than a little annoyed with Jack for not just the Policy issue, but for taking a mission to Atlantis he could have sent Davis on. She could already see the door’s panel in her head, had already removed it and walked through the steps she would go through to see where it led, “I’m going.” She determined and picked up her plate to go make her case to Landry.

Vala and Daniel smiled.

“Yay, Sam’s going! This will be fun!” Vala exclaimed.

“Landry doesn’t know how to say no to that woman.  It’s the end of my career, if anything happens to her,” Mitchell sulked.

Daniel suddenly realized how real Mitchell’s concerns were and gave him a compassionate nod.

“How about something to look forward to Mitchell?” Vala offered.  “Daniel, Sam and I are going to go see 2010 Space Odyssey at that quirky little theater downtown when we get back.  Wanna go with? It’s on Sam’s bucket list to watch again before the end of this year, you know it being 2010.”

“You’re just going for the milk duds and sour patch kids aren’t you?” he asked.

“Maybe. Must one need a better reason?”


	7. 10-10-2010 07:01 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

Sam was the first to enter the Gateroom and tried not to think of the picture of Pete in a morgue, Barrett had sent her a report from the coroner.  He had been dead for 3 weeks and listed as a John Doe in Wyoming. The report had indicated that he had been tortured and left outside of Rawlins, WY.  She also tried not to think about what information he might have been tortured for. She wanted to believe it had nothing to do with her, but she knew better.  He was dead because of her.

The rest of the two teams arrived and all stood in the Gateroom ready to disembark. Sam looked over to Daniel.  She had not found a chance to tell him yet that she was leaving the SGC. They had all been so engrossed in the mission and she had to make time this morning to sit down with the NID who would investigate her latest receipt of the report.  Maybe she would find the right time and place on the mission.

Cam appeared in front of Sam, “My rules, I am in command of this mission, Colonel.”  Mitchell reminded her. “We go through first, give me a 20 count, alright?”

“10.”  She countered.

“20.” He stood firm. “Please, Sam. I’ll spring for Vala’s snacks at the theater.” He offered quietly as a bribe.

“Yes, Sir.” She smiled, and fist pumped Vala.

“Punked again!” He hollered.  “Molly and Evans will come through with you. SG-3 with us.”

“Sounds good, but the Marines are overkill.”

“It’s my mission, Sam. And, the popcorn is on you!”

“You want to wrap me in bubble wrap in a force shield before I step through the Gate too?”

“Is that an option?”

“I appreciate it, but…”

He turned to her very serious this time. “Do you really?”

“I’m just pregnant, Cam. And, as tiny as he is right now, it’s like he is wrapped in bubble wrap.”

But the look in his eyes told her this was a real concern to him. He sighed and said to her quietly, “Do you understand what will happen to me? You are carrying the Head of HomeWorld Command’s child.”

She nodded somberly and really did for a moment consider if she should go. When she looked up, she saw not a man concerned about his job, but her concerned friend.  “20.” She smiled and responded in agreement.

“SG-1 you have a go.” Landry called out.

Cam looked up at the control room and nodded to Landry and then made eye contact with Sam again.  She assured him with a simple nod and stopped teasing him. “You’re a good man, Cam.”

“Move out.” Cam called out and turned toward the gate.  He looked back over his shoulder at her still concerned.  He had a bad, bad feeling about this mission.

“I’m glad your going, Colonel.  Means I get to go.” Major Brad Avery smiled at her.

“Your welcome, Brad.” There are two Dr Averys on base, Sophie is the physicist and Major Brad Avery is a Linguistics expert. They are married with a child and have a policy that they are never off-world at the same time.  Sam winces. She knows the Avery’s have not broken that agreement in the past 3 years. But she is also grateful to have Brad on this mission. He was on the Atlantis mission for 4 years as the Ancient technical translation expert and has a much deeper appreciation of the science that Daniel’s meaning of life enthusiasm can lack.

Sam stepped through.  God, she missed this. That first moment when you step onto a new planet.  She was a junkie, and this was her high. She took a deep breath and smiled, it had been almost 4 months since she had stepped through the gate.  She felt reenergized. How could she have given this up? She placed her hand over the slight swell of her abdomen. _Right. Sorry, kiddo._ She felt a familiar fluttering and breathed a great sigh of relief.

It was humid, from the mist off the river even at this distance.  Daniel was kneeling down to one side of the gate platform. Running his fingers over the ancient text engraved in the granite like stone the ring stood.

“Speratus Clementia Deserda Speratus Tranquillitas.” Daniel said.

“Is that what is says?” Sam asked.

“Strangely, yes.” Brad said from behind her.

“What’s strange?” Sam asked.

Daniel explained, “It means _Hope for Mercy_ chasing… in pursuit of… looking for… sequel to…   _Hope for Peace_?”

“Sequel to, definitely.” Brad responded, and both Daniel and he laughed.

“Gotta love the Ancient.” Mitchell howled. “And, the linguistics humor.” He said under his breath to Sam.

“Yeah.” Daniel looked to Brad curious to see if he had any other thoughts.

Brad shrugged.

“Come on Molly,” Sam took the steps down the platform with the robotic dog and admired her agility on the smooth, granite and then straight on to the uneven dirt and grass.  Molly remained sure-footed as they entered the lush forest terrain with the exposed roots.

As they walked on, Sam felt the effects of the heat and humidity, and removed her jacket.  Even walking downhill, kept them all a bit quiet as they paced themselves and watched the muddy terrain.  The effort was exhilarating, at only four months pregnant, she seemed to be past the draining first few months, but still not carrying much extra weight.  Daniel had walked the entire way with Brad considering the significance of the ancient text on the platform.

Sam walked with Dr. Evans and discussed possible retrofits for the dogs to improve their efficiency.  When Sam finally stepped into the courtyard, she blew out a breath of relief and took in the view. At least it was cooler here by the water, the mist was thicker than expected though.  Sam put her Jacket back and on Dr. Evans ran to Rex.

With the lush green environment, one would expect lots of surrounding wildlife, but there were few sounds of life.  The wind was another matter, it rustled the surrounding trees, but the courtyard was sheltered from the wind. Behind the door, you could hear the violent torment of the river churning and threating this space.

Vala was at the door almost as quickly as Evans had gotten to Rex, and both were actively working on their tasks.

“Sam, it’s definitely Ancient.” Vala confirmed.

Sam joined Vala, looking over the crystals inside.

“I wonder who built this courtyard or maybe it’s a temple?  Maybe someone worshiped these doors here? Not understanding Ancient and what it was for. But what was it originally for?” Daniel rambled on out loud thinking through the significance. He knelt down and looked up from the doors. Back toward the Gate pedestal, not visible from here, as he thought through possible cultural considerations.

Brad was walking around the small structure looking for any additional information.

Vala meanwhile was already relocating crystals, but the door remained closed.

“Try that one,” nothing.  “And, that one,” Sam moved another, and the door opened.

“I was going to try that next,” the women smiled at one another. Sam had a feeling Vala was letting her have the moment.  While Sam knew more about Ancient technology than Vala, the woman was quickly catching up to her. And, Vala had an uncanny instinct.  Sam wondered if Vala suspected her real reasons for coming on this mission.

Cam stepped into the small room behind the now open door. “Yep, de ja vu. An Ancient elevator.”

“Transporter.” Sam corrected him.

He waved his hand over the panel for the map to appear.  Nothing happened. “Not initialized?” He looked to Sam and Vala and then called out to the SG-3 team leader, “Luke, contact the SGC and tell them to send through someone with the AG.”

“You got it.” Lt Col Luke Ryan responded and turned back toward the gate.

“That was awfully short-sighted of us, not to just bring someone with the Ancient Gene. Don’t ya think?” Cam noted curiously to Sam at the doorway.

“I really thought I could hack my way through this. I still might.” She responded, a bit cheeky.  Sam looked over the board and searched for the panel clips to remove it and get to work. “Bring Molly in here.  I want to see if I can use her battery reserves to jump start things. Vala does that look like a scratch to you?”  Sam directed her flashlight at the edge of the opened panel.

“Yes.  It does.  You thinking we are not the first to attempt this?”

“Just saying it looks like a scratch to me.”

Vala ran her finger over the scratch. “Someone who didn’t know how to release the latches on the panel, properly. I’d say.” She found agreement in Sam’s eyes.

Sam had been stuck in enough Atlantis elevators to know the order of testing. Together the two worked to connect Molly to the transport map panel.

“So, what do you girls think?” Mitchell felt uneasy as he kept one eye on them and one eye on the perimeter.

The panel then opened and lit up.

“Whoa!” Daniel exclaimed looking back in to the transport and stepping closer to the map. “That’s different.”

Sam looked over the schematic.  “It’s not large enough. This can’t be right.”

“Never mind, Luke.  Come on back. Over” Cam called over the radio.

“Well it’s not a City Ship, but it’s not a little Antarctic base either.” Daniel agreed.  “I guess they come in Medium too.”

Sam looked at him confused.  Daniel reached out and touched the map when he recognized the archive room.

“Daniel!”

“What? Nothing happened.” He smiled and teased her. “You’re already getting that Mom look down, Sam.”

“I need to get more information before we try to go anywhere, but since it didn’t respond…” She shrugged.

Daniel looked disappointed but took pictures and tried to get a sense of the size and layout of the base.

Sam connected her tablet and tried to determine anything she could about the base.

“What do you think, about a third the size of Atlantis, Sam?”

“A little smaller. The transport does seem to still be connected to the network.  Less than a quarter of the size I think… I can’t determine where IT is though Daniel.”

“No.  There was EM activity.”

“Yes, there is… here.  Even if this transport could take you anywhere, you might end up stranded, wherever _it_ is.”  Sam looked back through the screens on the tablet and her peripheral vision closed in and she lost her balance, nearly blacking out.

“Sam!” Vala grabbed her and Daniel and Cam took a step in toward Sam to help, but she steadied herself holding on to the wall.

“Dr. Carter, Dr, Jackson-“ They all turned around to see the doors close on whatever Dr. Avery was about to tell them.

“I’m fine. Just got dizzy.” They all looked up at the map with her hand slayed across the center.

“Daniel, where are we going?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, it’s under your hand.”  She lifted her hand from the center of the map. While everyone else was looking at the map, she was looking at her hand.

“Operations? Core of the ship, if this works.” Daniel informed them, studying the map.  “Sam, you alright?”

“I’m fine. Just got dizzy.” She took a steadying breath.

“I guess it was still waking up when Danny and I tried.” Cam suggested.

Vala looked over the map, “Operations is close to the ZPM room. Let’s check that first.”

**Hope Found**

They stepped out of the transporter into the dark and somewhat familiar hall.   Only some of the lights flickered on, so they used their P-90 lights to help guide the way.

“So, I guess the transport does still go somewhere.” Daniel said victoriously.

“Send Avery down.” Mitchell called on the radio. No one responded.  “Hello. Anyone there?”

“Let’s look around, maybe they’ll follow.”

“Smells like dirt.” Vala observed near the next large opening they passed, it was a room the size of the Atlantis gate room mostly filled with a hill of dirt and water dripping through the walls that had stopped about 10 feet from the corridor. “Well, I guess with good reason. Observation, the shield is not active.”

“This ship is structurally compromised. Over.”  Mitchell tried to reach the team above again without success. “Where do you think we are?”

Sam looked over her tablet, “About 200 feet below the transporter?”

“O…kay.” He drawled.

“There is a ZPM.” Sam announced as they arrived at the console.  She pulled out the cable she needed and connected to the Ancient console.

“Not surprising it’s low but looks good.  We should be alright. Air and Environment are coming online, but there is a lot of damage to the base without the force shield. Looks like the shield shut down fairly recently.”

Sam pulled up some data and started copying the schematics of the base and most recent operations and mission reports from the console to review.  Diagnostics should give them some key information about the age and purpose of the base, but the entirety of the data stores would be way too much for them to salvage.  Had she not spent so much time in Atlantis she might have already drained the ZPM and maybe even stranded them by now. As is, she could make some calculated guesses and modify some of the settings to ensure the longest possible life.  She would need to remember to focus on those procedures with Vala and the other Dr. Avery before she left. “Want to look around?”

“I have the schematics downloaded, the archive room is that way and the chair room is in that direction.” She pointed in opposite directions.

“Anything else?”

“I’d like to hook Molly up to gather more data while we look around.”

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Sam waited for a few more files to download on her tablet and then connected the cables to Molly and they headed out, “Looks like there are 3 floors below us.”  Sam swiped through the data she downloaded. Hmmm, small star drive. Fascinating. Jumper Bay.”

“Gate?  Puddle Jumpers?”

“Gate room looks like it might be buried.”

“I suspect the gate we came through was on the ship at one time.” Daniel informed them.

“Puddle jumper room is oh, that is a lot of moisture.  Might be flooded.”

“Disappointing. Drone room?” Cam asked.

“Drone room is one floor up.”

“You and Vala go see what you can find in the archive room direction.  Carter and I will go in the direction of the chair room. We check in every 5 minutes. Got it?” Cam ordered.

As they walked through, they could see that time was taking its toll on the facility without the protection of a force shield and even without the threat of the expanding nearby river, this place was deteriorating.  Plants grew in through the walls and some of the corridors were blocked with rock slides or just dirt.

“Sam, Mitchell, we reached the archive room.” Daniel and Vala checked in.

“Copy that, Sam says to remember, NO holograms.”

“Yeah, got it. Your status?”

“Arriving at the Chair room now.  Chair is intact.”

“Look around and see if there are any ZPM’s in here.” Sam directed Mitchell.  “If this place wasn’t buried, maybe you would have been right, and we could have gotten this place to fly.”

“And, if my Grandpa was-”

“Don’t finish that.”

He smiled.

“Whoa.” Sam was hit with another wave of dizziness, she stepped back, and the back of her legs hit the chair.  Her head swam again, and she sat down on the edge.

“Sam?”

“Just dizzy, again. I’m fine. Really, it happens.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I probably didn’t eat enough before I left.”

“Shocker.  Sit there and eat something.  That’s an order.”

“Yes, Sir.” She teased.  “I don’t see any ZPM’s here in the chair room.” Sam pulled out a bar and some water.  Ate half of it, but still felt light-headed and sat back more on the chair. “Must just use the one in the ZPM power core.” She noted.  Then suddenly, the chair activated, and the galaxy projected above her. “Cam?”

“What the hell?!”

“That should where we are now.” She informed him of the blinking light.

“Sam, you don’t have the Ancient Gene.”

“No, I don’t.”  She looked at him concerned.

“What’s that other blinky light?”

Daniel looked through the archives.  “So, this place was abandoned only about 10,000 years ago. Fairly young.  The ship was damaged in a battle.

Vala looked around the rooms lining the archive room. “Oh?”

“It was used as a space station.” He continued to look through.  “And, was on a rescue mission for another base in this galaxy.”

“Where was that base?” Vala inquired, sticking her head out of one of the rooms.  “Daniel, you should come and take a look at this.”

Daniel gave her his usual, don’t bother me with distractions look.

“I’m serious.”

“Ok.”

As he reached her, the base started to shake. The computers went down.  Parts of the base started to come down around them. Vala and Daniel held onto one another in the door frame.

“Sam?” Cam yelled.

“Ut-oh.”

“Ut-oh?!”

“Guys, you feel that?” Daniel inquired over the radio.

“I didn’t mean to do it!” Sam yelled at Cam.

“I didn’t do it!” Vala reached over to yell through Daniel’s radio to defended herself.

“No, I think Sam did.” Cam acknowledged looking at Sam still seated in the chair.

“I need to get back to the ZPM core.” Sam pulled herself up, grabbed her bag, and quickly made her way back out.

“Sam what happened?” Cam followed quickly behind her.

“I activated the Star Drive.” She admitted.

“You did what?!”

“I didn’t mean to, I mean I never could have before. So, I didn’t think about not thinking about it.  I was just curious. It was only natural to think about the Star Drive from the chair it would have been activated from, right?” She informed as she ran back to the ZPM room. “Hell, that’s the point of it.”

“About the Star Drive?”

“Come on, Come on.”  Sam talked to the technology in front of her, encouraging the download to do so faster, connected another cable. And, then switched screens. “I was afraid of that.”

“Daniel, Vala.  Head back to the ZPM core. We need-“  Mitchell called on the radio. The base shook violently again. “We need to get back to the transport, Sam.  Let’s disconnect it all and go now.” Mitchell commanded. “Come on!”

“One more minute, please. Trust me, Cam.”  She insisted. She swiped through some of the pages and turned off a few more systems, including all star-drive support systems.  The base stopped shaking.

Daniel and Vala rejoined them.

“Sam, there’s r base.” Daniel informed her.

“I know.”

“Did you get the location?”

“Working on it.  I got the latest mission files… almost.”  The base shook again and shrieked. They all looked around as the sound surrounded them.

“She activated the star drive.” Mitchell informed them.

“What?! How?!”

“I got it!” Sam yelled. “I think I got it.” She nodded and disconnected Molly.

“Molly back to the transport.  Come on Sam.” Cam ordered.

“Hold on!”

“Molly, stop.” Cam instructed.

Then environmental shut down and it was quiet.  “I thought I could buy us a few more minutes. I’m so, Sorry.”  The lights went out and they were left in complete, pitch black darkness except the glow of Sam’s tablet and the lights on Molly. Instinctively, they all turned on the lights on their P-90s.

“What just happened?”

“I drained the ZPM.”

“What?”

Sam disconnected her tablet from the console and lowered her head.  It was all dead now.

“Back to the transport!” Cam ordered.

“No power.” She shook her head.

“No transport?” Cam asked in a panic.

“No.” Vala informed him.

“Well we used Molly to get here, so we just-.”

“No, we used Molly to activate the panel only.” Sam explained. “The ZPM was still powering the transport. Molly doesn’t have that kinda of power source.”

“So, we’re stuck?” Daniel asked.

Sam looked through the downloaded schematics on her tablet, scrolling through and thinking about what she knew about Atlantis. “There are ladders, here in the core.”

“So, 200 feet down, you said?”

“Yeah.”

As they arrived at the ladder tube.  Cam looked down and shined the light, they could see the lower levels were filled with water and either they were sinking, or the water was rising.

“Uh, Sam.”

“Let’s get moving.”

Cam shot a grappling hook up, connected the other end to Molly and started her quick ascent up.

“Can we check the drone room?” Vala asked.

“I don’t recommend it.  Our people were on the top of the base, we need to check on them.” Sam responded.

“What do you mean?”

“I believe the shrieking sound, is the sound of the base scratching the rocks.  The base is sinking.”

“Right, so more than 200ft.”  Cam tried the radio again, with no luck.

“Let’s keep moving.” Vala encouraged.

Vala took point and Cam took the rear as they climbed higher and the water climbed up after them.

When they were about 4 flights up, there was a large crashing sound and the entire base felt as if it fell 10-20 ft. The water climbed higher, faster.  They were all quiet and continued the full way to the end of Molly’s rope at about 6 flights up.

“Try to reach SG-3, again.” Sam suggested.

“SG-3. Come in.”

“Oh, good you’re alive.” Some of the words came through, but it was a weak signal.  “We were worried after that earthquake.”

“Right.” Cam tried to avoid eye contact with Sam.  “Everyone okay there?”

“Yeah, we are heading to the Gate to await your orders. The ground is not very stable here.  It’s like the ground was falling out from under our feet. The transport is gone.”

“Continue to the Gate.  We’re looking for another way out.” He turned back toward the group, “I suggest we start investigating each floor for a way out.”

They felt more vibrations and the base tilted a bit.

“We don’t have time,” Sam looked concerned.

“Alright. Daniel, Vala you take the next floor, Sam and I will take the next and so on.  We’ll alternate until we find a way out. 5 minute check-ins.”

“Wait.” Sam saw a glimmer of light out of a window and looked through the schematics.  “There is a gateway to a peripheral building, 3 flights up toward that wall.” She pointed out the window, with the faint light.”

Crossing the gateway, all they could see out the windows was darkness, and a small light.  Shining a light out, they could see the base was set against the rock. The base vibrated more and then they could see they were still shifting down the rock and heard more horrible scratching noises. The light appeared brighter out the windows as they moved closer to the outside of the base.  It slipped more, and rocks and mud came in as some of the windows broke.

“I think I preferred the darkness.” Vala looked out at the shifting rock outside the windows.

They ran toward an opening, but it was just a mountain wall they faced.

“Up,” Sam instructed. Hastily.

So, they continued up and after about 3 more floors found what was left of the top of that building crashed into the rocky edge. They could see some of the ridges and caverns that led to openings and see the edges of the open area the ship had resided in. Mostly it was just darkness, but they could hear the eerie sound of water filling the cavern below them. About 2-3 feet above was a ledge to the lit opening Sam had been aiming for.  They moved over the balcony wall and toward the ledge and helped one another. Luckily, Molly was agile enough to clear the balcony and ledge with a little assistance.

The vibrations continued, and the building shifted further underneath them.  Cam jumped and was the last to reach the rocky ledge. They stepped further back from the ledge as rocks fell lose from the walls.

**Hope Abandoned**

“Everyone alright.” Cam assessed. They all nodded and caught their breath.

We need to find out where this goes,” Cam looked ahead toward the light as the others watched the remaining parts of the base slip further into the darkness.  The building shifted further down and out of their reach. Finding another way through the base was definitely no longer an option. Mud was sliding down the walls and while they could not see it, they could feel the weight of all of the earth above them.

“Into the cavern before we’re buried in here with it.” Cam instructed them all.”

“I hope SG-3 cleared in time.” Vala spoke what was on all of their minds.

“Sam you’re bleeding.” Cam informed her, touching his own head. “Damn-it.”

She reached up and wiped the blood from her head.  “Must have been when the ceiling in the chair room came down on me. It’s just a little. I’m fine, Cam.”

They started through the cavern and every so often the eerie sounds of the base twisting and shifting between the water and earth screamed through behind them.

They found some metal cases that looked as if they had been moved from the base.  “Maybe some of the crew escaped into these caverns.” Vala speculated and looked through them. “They’re empty, I wonder what they held.”

“Who knows, that was thousands of years ago.”  Daniel reminded her.

Vala lifted her light and ran it over the case tops.  “Is that a hand print? Thousands of years, huh?” She questioned him.

Sam looked into the open case. “They’re Drone cases.” She identified.

“Okay, so we can be pretty certain someone found this place before us then?” Cam asked.  “Question is, did they find a way out?”

It was then Sam realized Daniel was carrying a similarly styled case.  She had not registered the case in all of the chaos. “What’s that?”

“I forgot I had it.  Vala found some stasis chambers near the archive room when Cam called us back.  They were all compromised. The bodies were beyond recognition, but the bones of one of them was clutching this case.  I was investigating when the room started shaking again, I guess I just held on to it when I ran.”

“What do you think it is?”

“Something worth holding on to, for that guy.”

They walked down and up and around following the light source, hoping for a way out as the Ancient base continued to screech down behind them.

They came to a wide opening with steep walls.  The end of the road.

“SG-3 come-in.”

A large shrieking and crashing sound came hollering through the tunnels.  They all looked back. What sounded like possibly the rest of the base crashing under the weight of the soil and rock above them. And, then it was even louder.  The sound of moving water.

“SG-3 here, Sir.  Did you hear that?”

“Yeah. Status?”

“Dr. Evans says Rex has pinpointed Molly’s location, only a half a klik from the gate.  We are headed in that direction.”

“Roger, Luke. We’ll need some climbing gear.” He looked up. “30-40m?” Cam asked the rest of the group. They nodded.  “We’re about 30-40m down.”

“Copy that.  Any injured?

He looked to everyone for confirmation.  “No, all hands accounted for and mostly in one piece. You?”

“Yes, Sir.  All accounted for.  We are dialing out now to request the gear.”

“Easy mission, he said. No such thing as curses, he said.” Cam glared accusingly at Daniel.

“There aren’t-“ Daniel started to argue.

“Ah! Stop!” Cam commanded.

Daniel sighed and smiled at Sam.

They all pulled out some protein bars and drank some water, while waiting to climb out of the pit.

“How’s your head?” Daniel asked Sam.

“Doesn’t even hurt.”

“Good. You’re okay then?”

“Daniel!” Sam chastised him for being overly concerned.

“Alright, just-“

“She’s fine.” Vala defended Sam. “Look at her eyes.” But she did pull out a butterfly band-aid and cover the cut and kissed her head.

“Thanks, Mom.” Sam teased Vala.

“SG-3. Status?” Cam called out on the radio again.

“We have the equipment and are on our way, Sir.”

Daniel opened the case he had been carrying and Sam looked on. “Device and crystals?”

“Yeah, I guess it’s more your area.”

Vala took a crystal and started to put it in the device.

“Ah,” Sam warned. “Let’s wait until we get back.”

“Sure.” she answered disappointed and bored. “How come you get to play?”

Sam looked through more of the data on the tablet. “Because, I know what this tablet is capable of.”

“I wonder if they were rescued?” Vala wondered looking up.

“Hard to tell.  The last active mission log says they put out an SOS and called for an evacuation.  Most evacuated via Puddle Jumpers before impact. There were 340 on the mission. 265 evacuated.  67 were causalities of the battle.”

“Battle?”

“Yeah, that’s how they ended up crashing here.”

“That leaves what… about 8 who went down with the ship.  I think we saw 6-8 in stasis. Maybe they couldn’t get out.”

“Or tried to save it.”

“The tablet is still running the translations. We’ll know more once we get Molly’s data and get it all translated and reviewed by you and Brad of course, Daniel. Maybe there’s another base in our galaxy still for us to find?” Sam speculated.

“I wonder if the people who took those drones got out?” Vala followed up looking up the walls.

“The drones might have been gone before the people who left the hand-print came through.”

Vala nodded and blew a bubble with her gum.

“Maybe someone else got the same intel Teal’c received.” Sam sighed thinking and looking around.  “Want to take a walk back with me, Vala?”

“Yes,” she answered excited to not be waiting any longer.

“Where you are two going?”

“I just want to check something back towards where the base was, Cam. I won’t be long.”

“Alright, stay in contact.”

Sam shown her light on the ground as they walked back.

“What are you looking for?”

“Not sure. I just have a strange feeling we’re missing something.  I have a sneaking suspicion we weren’t the only ones to get the intel on this base.”

Sam looked around the metal cases they had passed and then continued until they made it to back to the cliff now an open area, overlooking churning water from the river. Vala looked over edge at the water from the river and the now open sky. Sam looked back toward the rocky wall facing the opening.

“Nice view.” Vala referred to dangerous water.

“HmHmmm.” Sam responded absentmindedly as she was quite accustomed to Vala’s need for validation.

“You’re not looking, what are you looking at?”

Vala joined Sam near the rocky wall that once faced the base and bent down to the ground.  “Does that look like pieces of the base?”

“Yes, but that’s not natural.  That’s from an explosion.”

“An explosion, we didn’t see damage? But, by then base had already sunk 30-50 feet that we know of, we would have been several floors above the floor that lined up here before I activated…”

“Right, the Star Drive. So, exactly how did you do that?” Vala brushed some dirt from her hands.  “I thought the Ancient Gene Therapy didn’t work on you.”

“It didn’t.”

“But he has it.” Sam touched her abdomen. “We’ve done blood tests.”

“And, your baby gave you the ability to-?.”

“There was a study that fetal DNA can cross the placenta and enter into the mother’s blood stream, even cross the blood/brain barrier.”

“Interesting.” She blew another bubble. “You think someone blasted their way into the base before we arrived?”

“Or out of?  I don’t know.  No way to verify it now.” She looked down at the water. “And, if there were any footprints, I think we destroyed all of that evidence too.”

The sounds were eerie in the open cavern and the future of the space uncertain as more of the rock seemed to give way to the force of the water. “Let’s get back to the group.”

They stopped by the cases and looked around them again, then headed back to the group.

“Look familiar?” Cam asked Sam, showing her a cigarette butt. And, then explained, “Daniel found a few just inside the cavern here.  He thinks they’re a popular Russian brand.”

Sam and Daniel looked to one another.  “Deja vu.” They said in unison.

Before long they all climbed out and were heading back.

**Hope Lost**

“Penhall? Avery?” Cam asked Col Ryan of the missing men from the team.

“Waiting at the gate, in case we needed anything else, Sir. Avery found some more writings, this time on the back of the gate pedestal he wanted to investigate.”

“More?” Daniel inquired.

“He found some writings on the back of that elevator thing, before you all disappeared.  Made him curious.”

“I missed that.” Daniel said disappointed.

“No more surprises, right, Sir?”  Captain Denning asked Mitchell as he caught up.

Cam looked to the young Captain in disbelief.

“Denning, you better watch it, the Colonel here is a very superstitious man.” Luke warned.

“But the worst of it’s over, right, sir?” He asked his CO.

“Denning, take point with Moraes and make sure of that.” Luke laughed.

Cam shook his head and walked on. “I bet Landry is thrilled.”

“Oh yeah, he’s a happy man. I may have heard the word retirement.”

“So, why didn’t you all follow?”

“Couldn’t get the door to open again. What happened down there?”

“Vala loves to tell a story.”

Vala wrapped her arm around Luke Ryan’s muscular arm and filled him in, “Well, suddenly the doors of the transport closed and…”

“So, the star drive just activated, huh?” Daniel asked Sam while Vala told the rest of the story.

“I activated it.” Sam removed her vest as they walked through the field with the sun beaming down.  Daniel followed her lead and removed his.

“You-?”

“I have a hunch.” Sam reached up and touched her abdomen.

Daniel looked down.

“He has the ancient gene.” She informed him.

“He does? Well let’s hope he inherits more of your qualities and fewer from where that one came from.” He teased.

She smiled at his teasing of Jack, “So, what do you think that is?” She changed the subject pointing to the case in his hand.

“I don’t know. It’ll likely be more fun for you, Brad and Vala, from the looks of it.”

Mitchell stopped, then quietly asked, “Did you hear that?”

“The wind.  Yeah, it’s been howling the whole time.” Luke replied, watching the forest edge and wiping his forehead.  “It’s more obvious out here in the open. I swear it just keeps getting hotter.”

“Rex good?” Cam watched the 2 dogs as they moved in sync on either side of the group.  Cam could only imagine the video they were taking with their 360 cameras and the data from their sensors.  He looked forward to when he would have better access to that information.

“Back in working order, Col Mitchell. I have them on a sync pace, tight perimeter command. They will monitor the group and set a pace accordingly to the median of the groups speed and proximity. With one unit, it would set a pace for the middle of the pack.  With two, one calculates to the front half of the group and the second calculates it’s pace to the back half of the group.” Dr. Evans reported.

“Fascinating.”

“They’re good at math.” He smiled like a proud parent and watched them recalculate pace, proximity and respond to the terrain all at the same time… just as he had been working on for years.

“The data you downloaded?” Cam turned and asked Sam.

“Latest operations and mission logs, I started most recent to older.  Most of it’s on Molly’s hard-drive. I got as much data as I could. I tried to be as strategic as possible in the short time and data storage I had available.  I went for ship diagnostics, and recent logs and mission reports. It was in our galaxy on a rescue mission.”

“Cool! What was it rescuing?”

“Speratus?”

“Hope?” Daniel asked.

“Hmmmm, The ship was named Hope?” Sam thought that was interesting.

“Ship?”

“Yes, the Speratus, was a research base, same class.” Sam explained from what she gathered so far in the log report.

“Speratus Clementia Deserda Speratus Tranquillitas.” Daniel repeated from earlier. “Hope for Mercy in Pursuit of Hope for Peace. That means-”

“Where’s Penhall and Avery?” Cam asked loudly, when he saw no one manning the Gate as it came into view. They all became more vigilant.

“Penhall.  Avery. Come in.” Luke called immediately.

Sam and Daniel pulled their vests back on, “Rex, Molly, Stop.” Sam commanded.  Everyone stopped with them. Then they all heard it, someone was closing in on them fast.

“Did you hear that?” Vala noted and they all started running. There was no cover out here in the field on this side of the Gate.

“Rex, Molly, heat signatures.” Dr. Evans verbally requested.

“14 individual life sign signatures.” Molly responded.

“Rex, Molly, resume sync pace and trajectory.” Dr. Evans commanded.

Mitchell moved closer to Sam. She had stopped moving, “Damn it. Sam, get to the gate.”  He saw her look up with panic on her face. He saw the staff blast fire come from their left and hit Captain Denning in the leg and then another blast from in front of them, and then he watched Sam go down. Daniel covered her immediately.

They all saw the Lucian Alliance soldiers surrounding them and started returning fire.  Just as quickly as they had appeared, the Lucian Alliance seemed to disappear into the cover of the forest. Cam, Luke, Vala and Captain Moraes surrounded Sam, Captain Denning, Dr Evans, and Daniel. All looked to each other confused about what just happened.

“Daniel, Vala get her to the gate.” Cam instructed.

The two of them pulled Sam up and she screamed, Captain Moraes helped Captain Denning limp to the gate, Dr Evans commanded the dogs, while Luke and Cam watched all their backs.

“Did you see them?” Cam asked.

“Lucian Alliance.”  Luke confirmed.

They continued to watch the now still forest, as they retreated. They called out for the missing team mates more loudly than either wanted to, but they weren’t going to leave them behind.

Luke called over the radio once again.  “Avery! Penhall! Come in.” But the radio it was dead silent.

“We need to go after them, Sir?”

They continued to walk backwards to the gate, “Molly heal.” Mitchell called one of the dogs back to him.

The dog was quickly at his side.  “Molly, number of life signs or heat signatures beyond 20 feet?”

The dog scanned the area.

“Negative.” Mitchell heard the robotic dog respond, and then listened for the gate to activate behind him and the tell-tale sound of people passing through.

“Daniel?” Mitchell called over the radio without looking over his shoulder at the Gate’s horizon.

 _“We’re through the gate, Cam.”_  Daniel watched as the attendants lifted Sam’s body onto the gurney and worked to get her vitals.   _“Dr. Evan’s saw weapons on the ground near the gate.”_

The klaxons blared on as Dr. Lam arrived and quickly had a stethoscope to Sam’s chest. Captain Denning was already being wheeled to the infirmary.

“She’s got a pulse and good breath sounds.” Dr. Lam examined the staff weapon injury. “Let’s get her prepped for surgery.”

 _“Confirmed.”_ Cam responded to Daniel over the radio. They picked up the weapons.

“Dammit. Those belong to Avery and Penhall.” The SG-3 leader swore. “We’ve gotta go after them.”

“There are no heat signatures, Luke.  That’s 2 klicks in any direction.” He shook his head. “You know if there’s a chance in hell, I’d go after them with you.”

“Curse of easy missions.” Luke acknowledged sadly.

“That was not a curse, that was an ambush, Luke.”

Still watching their backs, they left the planet backwards through the gate.

“What happened?” Landry asked as the two leaders came through.

“FUBAR, Sir.” Col. Ryan reported.

“We were ambushed that’s what happened. Looked like Lucian Alliance with staff weapons? Right?” Col Mitchell explained.

“That’s what it was,” Col. Ryan backed him up.  “Colonel Carter heard them coming, we got moving, but they shot Denning, then one appeared in front of us and shot her. They were gone just as fast as they had appeared. Penhall and Avery were gone from the gate.  No sign on the radio or according to thermal. Weapons were left behind. Permission to take SG-5 and 9 and a puddle jumper back, Sir.” Mitchell requested.

“Permission granted.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Landry looked at the gate.  “Find them Colonels.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll go inform the teams.” Cam bit down on his disappointment.

Landry patted Luke’s shoulder as he left to help Cam.

“My prayers are with Col. Carter, Sir.”

Landry nodded, “Debrief in 10 minutes. You all can leave as soon as you are ready. I need to know how I can even begin to explain this.”

“Tell Jack it was all my fault.” Daniel said on his way out.

Vala did not say a word as she ran after him.


	8. 10-12-2010 23:19 ZULU, Atlantis

“Those Pegasus Asgard are a bunch of pain in the asses!” Jack spat out to no one in particular as he and Sheppard came through the Pegasus Gate into Atlantis. “No fun at all.  Reminds me of how much I miss Thor.” He continued the tirade that had started about a half an hour ago, “I can’t believe they confiscated our weapons.”

Sheppard tried to remain quiet but failed. “They tend to do that when you start waving them around like that…” Jack looked at him sharply, “-Sir.” Sheppard added and sighed.

“Angry little buggers can hold a grudge.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sheppard responded with a clear lack of enthusiasm.

“I feel naked.”

Sheppard shook his head at the unwelcome imagery and to the service men heading toward them to secure the weapons they did NOT bring back.  “Yes Sir.” He offered yet again, exhausted from the long mission.

“You need a shower.” Jack noted.

“I’m not the only one.” He returned clearly aggravated again and this time looking at the General he realized he was baiting him… “Sir. Right, lesson 7?” He smiled falsely.

“Eight.” Jack smugly corrected.

Rodney McKay came running down the stairs.

“What now?” Jack asked annoyed and in great need of not just a shower, but a bed and real food… not necessarily in that order.

“Wait… didn’t you two leave in a jumper?” Rodney huffed out of breath looking from one to the other of the two men.

They pointed to one another, accusingly.

“I think Sheppard, tells the story better.” Jack suggested. “Lesson 17: Delegating.” He explained.

“You lost another one of my Jump-”

“Yours?” Jack asked, as if offended.

“I can’t believe you-” Rodney continued to yell at John.

“McKay, I assume you came running, from where ever it was you were… to tell us something… important? Lesson: 3.” Sheppard noted to Jack proud of his use of distraction.

“Dare, I say urgent?” Jack added and they both nodded.

Rodney remembered and said solemnly, “Right, General… You need to call out to the SGC.”

“What’s up? Can’t it wait until I get a shower,” Jack looked up to the Atlantis Commander’s office confused. His senses tingled that something was amiss. Seeing clearly that he was available and not down here communicating the matter of great importance.

“He said as soon as you arrive.” 

“Rodney?!”

“It’s Sam. I should dial Earth.” And, had turned to head back up the stairs.

Jack’s felt time stop.

“You can use my office,” Sheppard offered in a compassionate tone.

Jack took the Atlantis steps two at a time and stepped into Sheppard’s office.  He saw the current acting Atlantis Commander peering in from his office curiously through the glass walls and turned his back to the incompetent man who had compromised his people and had not been at the Gate ready to tell him.

“Hank?”

“It’s Sam.”

Jack held his breath.

“She’s stable, but she was hit by a staff blast. It’s serious.”

He released a shaky breath, “On base?” He asked confused.

“On a mission. It was a research mission.  They were ambushed.”

“I’m coming through, now!” Jack replied, he was already running from the room.

The acting Atlantis Commander finally left his office and informed him. “You can’t leave yet, you haven’t been cleared by medical to return to Earth.”

“They can clear me at the SGC.”

“It’s protocol.”  The commander continued.

Jack glared. “So is NOT pissing off advanced alien races that can level your base with the push of a button with their tiny little hands and a whim to do so. Here’s my whim. You’re fired.” He continued his near run for the gate.

“You can’t.”

“Sheppard take command!” He ordered and disappeared into the puddle of the event horizon.


	9. 10-12-2010 17:24 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

Landry stood at the base of the Stargate, taking deep breaths. Bracing himself for the anger he was sure he was about to face. He could have told her no. He should have told her no.  She explained that there was no technical reason to do so, but he could have. It was a matter of which one of them you were more afraid of and he always felt Jack’s bark was worse than his bite, but Sam…

As if on cue, Jack walked through the gate at that moment and reminded him who exactly he should be more afraid of.

“I just fired, Braxton. Expect him to be coming through at some point.” Was all he said as he passed Landry and swiftly made his way to the elevator. The halls pushed in on Jack from all sides as he walked the all too familiar trek to the infirmary.

By the time he reached her bedside, his breathing was somewhat labored. He blamed it on the pace he had set. Sam was sleeping or still out, he didn’t know which. The beeping monitor assured him she was still alive. Vala was asleep in the chair next to her, with her head resting on her folded arms on the bed.

He stared at the bandages on Sam’s abdomen, then reached out to briefly touch her foot.  He needed a tangible connection to her for just a moment.

Dr Lam joined him and answered all of his unasked questions in one line, “She is no longer critical, but she did lose the baby.  I’m sorry, General.”

His eyes traveled back up to Sam’s face and he just stared at her.

He was full of anger, fear, disappointment, sadness and worst of all the most horrible and unforgivable sense of relief.  That last one he could not understand and would never forgive himself for. He felt rooted to the spot. He took a few breaths and finally managed to acknowledge what she said, “Thanks, Carolyn.”

She nodded and left.

Vala woke up and saw him standing there.

“Jack!” She jumped up and hugged him, but he did not return the embrace.  His arms felt like weights.

Vala took a step back and tried to get a read on him. 

He did not want to hear any excuses or make anyone feel better.  “The reports.” He simply ordered.

Vala nodded.  “I’ll go get them.”  Even though Sam was asleep, she squeezed her hand before she left.

He took up residence in Vala’s chair and waited.  Though he was not sure he should be here. He was not sure he could hold it together for her.  Comfort her. He wanted to yell and shake her. Why did she go through the gate? They had a deal!  But at least she was still alive. He looked more closely at her. He did not see the tissues on the bed when Vala’s head had been there.  One still resting in Sam’s hand. He looked more closely at her red swollen eyes.

“I gave her something to help her sleep.  It’s been rough since she came to after surgery. She took it hard.” Carolyn informed him when she brought in a bottle of water for him.

“When did it-?”

“Two days ago.”

He had been out of communication with Atlantis for three and half days.  They had been on the other side of a magnetic disturbance and could not get clear communications through and then they lost the Jumper and had go back and ask the Asgard for help.

He allowed the back of his fingers to brush across the back of Sam’s hand and nodded. 

“Need anything, Sir?  I can get you some food.” She offered.

He shook his head, covered his mouth and watched her.

Vala returned shortly with the reports.  The briefing, the individual reports of each of the mission members, Sam’s advance mission letter explaining in writing why she felt the need to go, and an envelope just for him, just in case. Her official explanation was her thorough understanding of Ancient technology.  Two pre-mission reports were unusual, but he knew why she had. In the event anything happened to her, there was extensive documentation, absolving everyone else. So, the powers that be -- namely him -- wouldn’t blame anyone, but her. But he did. He blamed everyone… Daniel, Landry, Mitchell, and Vala.  All of them knew better. 

The letter just for him was her other reason for going.  She explained that she needed to say goodbye to SG-1 in the only way she knew how.  To help them one more time. And, that she knew if anyone understood that it would be him.  Part of him did. Part of him had no interest in trying to understand.

He read the reports.  Then he read them again.  Then he started to read them again but put them down on the floor and held the letter she wrote just for him tight in his hands and covered his face.

“Jack?” Sam called out weakly. 

“I’m here.”  He took her hand and did his best to mask every debilitating and overwhelming feeling.

“I-“

“I know.” He cut her off, his voice heavy with emotion.  He didn’t let her say it. He couldn’t hear it out loud again and certainly not from her lips.

Her chin started to quiver, her body shook, and her heart raced.  The monitor’s alarms sounded.

“Sam… Sam, look at me.” But she did not stop.  “Carter. You need to stay calm. You need to recover. It’s alright.” He said firmly, but softly to her and kissed her hand.

She looked into his eyes.  He was not sure what she saw, because he felt both full of emotion and completely devoid of it.

She whimpered a bit and fell back asleep.

He was sure a certain former Canadian Commander would be sending a follow-up soon, so he sought out the Doctor.

“Dr. Lam,”

“You need to be medically cleared.” She said before he could.

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have let me near her. Though I was just with the Pegasus Asgard, so unless that bug up their ass is contagious…”

“You were already here when I came in.  We can do this a few beds over.”

“Thanks.”

“I touched her hand.” He admitted.

She directed a nurse to disinfect her, just in case.

She examined him and signed the form to clear him.

“You should go get a shower and change.  I’ll stay with her.”

“SG-1’s not?”

“They were, but you sent Vala out.”

“Right.  Can we get a private room?  I know it’s easier for you, here in the infirmary, but she’d hate it if people saw her crying. This is more than a mission injury; it’s a private matter.”

“Sure, I can do that. I’ll put another bed in there, so you can get some sleep too.  Since you just came off a mission yourself.”

“Thanks.  No visitors, okay.”

“Not even SG-1?”

He shook his head.

“Okay. No visitors.”

He grabbed Sam’s computer bag and another bag with some personal items that Vala probably pulled together for her and helped them move her. He saw a large envelope sticking out and he had a feeling he knew what it was.  When he pulled the papers out he found a copy of the updated Carter Protection Policy with the familiar taunting scribble of  _ “The Most Dangerous Person on the Planet.”   _ He looked through it on their way. __ This copy included what he had known was coming and had not found the words or time to tell her.  Her brother’s family, Cassie and the baby would now fall under the supervision of the NID. There was a longer list, but they would have been her main concern.

Once in the room, her bed wheels were locked, the nurse checked all of the tubes and monitors, another brought in a clean set of BDUs for him, and then they left them alone.  He thought about all of their conversations, hopes, dreams, plans, arguments… then kissed her forehead, “Sorry, Carter. I should have been the one to tell you.” He showered and shoved his feelings down deep into that crowded dark pit of his soul.


	10. 10-12-2010 02:11 GMT Unknown

Brad is pushed forward, more than expects from her small frame. He is a fairly muscular guy and she is quite petite.

“If she dies, I hold you accountable.”

Brad looked toward the source of a very rough, deep and angry voice to see a man coming quickly towards her, yelling and ignoring the arrival of he and Penhall.

Brad looked around the room at the architecture. “Déjà vu.” He stated quietly under his breath.

It’s brutal the way he grabbed her arms and pushed her towards the wall, but she holds his stare. 

She pulled out of the Russian’s grip, “You should have found a way to stop her.” She accuses. “If they find us before you are able to make this work, then it won’t matter. We’ll all be dead, and you will have no one to blame but yourself. Once again.”

They both hold their ground, glaring at one another.  She is the first to look away and Brad is able to establish the pecking order.

“Here’s is your translator.  The one with the scientific background.” She pointed to Avery.

_ Okay so, not mistaken for Jackson this time.  _ He thinks. It happens from time to time. They work in the same department, have similar coloring, but he is taller than Jackson.

The man who has not introduced himself… not that the small woman had either… nods his head in Avery and Penhall’s direction and another woman with pink hair and too much eye makeup waves them over.”

“Welcome to Hell.  I’ll be your tour guide.  See those doors right there.  That’s your only exit.” There are 2 armed guards by the elevator door.  “Outside, desert as far as the eye can see. But if you want to give it a try, we’ll all have fun watching you from the drones until you nearly die of dehydration and then those burly men will bring you on back.” Everything she says is overly excited, almost a character and he wonders how she got caught up in this mess.

“So, you are one of them?” Penhall asks her.

“Hired hand, Anamari Anarki.” She introduces herself.

Brad thinks she talks like one of his sister’s friends. Casual and perky, but he detects an accent, probably from childhood. “As in Albanian for Anarchy. Not your real name?” He guesses.

“Iz is right, you are not just a pretty face and nice physique, Doc. So, you must be the one who got caught in the net.” She refers to Penhall.

“Doug.”

“Iz?”

“What? They didn’t introduce themselves? Well, you know they are not as friendly as I am, but who is?  We are on a more casual Friday type of work relationship. I am sure they will warm up to you too. Stick with Sir until Izzy introduces himself.  Oh, but don’t call him that to his face. He can get on the cranky side. Then again so can she. But the pay is good and well, you can’t beat the benefits.” She looked back and winced.  “Well, let’s get you to your room, I’m afraid you’ll have to share for now. Someone will come around in the morning and get you set up on that translating.”

“I think I’ll take my chances with dehydration in the desert.” Brad stood his ground.

“Awww that’s so cute. I love it. Moral high ground.” She says the last part in a deep voice as she pulled out an expensive smart phone. A lot nicer than his flip phone.  “Look at her, she is adorable. You must be one proud papa. Look how much she loves the swing. I love swinging too.” She turns the phone. “Isn’t she the cutest thing ever, Dougy?”

“You made your point.” 

“I knew we would get along, Bradley.” She punches him in the arm playfully. “Just do that for me, so pictures of your dead body don’t end up during cartoon hour.  It makes me sad when I have to cut short a childhood.”

The door closes behind them, with her on the other side.  “She seemed really cute before that whole psycho thing. That was your daughter, right?” Doug asks stunned.

“Yeah, at daycare.”

Brad looked around.  “Kinda feels like coming home after spending 3 years on Atlantis.”

“We’re on Atlantis?”

“Yes, pink psycho-chick overtook the entire Atlantis Expedition.” He sighed. “Sorry Doug.” He quickly apologized and sighed.  “No, but it is Ancient architecture.” He kicked a chair and ran his hands through his hair. 


	11. 10-13-2010 04:35 MT Colorado Springs, CO

“Dr. Lam asked me to bring you some more water, she said you needed to hydrate.”  He grabbed the bottle. The nurse took Sam’s vitals and left them.

“You look tired.” Sam worried.

“Evil Asgard and Braxton.” He explained succinctly.

“Right.  How did that go?”

“Not well, but we have a cease-fire in place. No treaty.  3.5 days stuck with Sheppard after we lost the Jumper.”

“The Asgard took it?”

“No, we just couldn’t find where we parked it and they didn’t want to help us.”

“You lost your temper.” She accused.

“That doesn’t sound like me.”

“So 3.5 days with Sheppard.” She closed her eyes for a moment.  “You didn’t give him the 24 lessons of command speech, did you?”

“It’s not a speech, it’s training.” He corrected.  “Why would you ask that?”

“Braxton.”

“Yeah, only got to 17 before we came home.”

“Delegate,” she noted. “You should go find out if Braxton has come back yet.”

“Hey, you don’t delegate to me, or was that was 3.”

She closed her eyes and winced in pain.  “24.”  _ Don’t give away all your secrets. _

“Go to sleep, Carter.”

“You too.” She replied sleepily and her eyes fluttered shut.

He laid his head back …

_ Sam’s head rested heavily on his chest as she slept in the hammock.  He could not recall her ever sleeping this much. It saddened him that he was uncertain if this was normal for her, because despite having been married for more than five years they had not spent enough time together. Did she always crash so heavily after such a long mission or had this one taken an unusually heavy toll?  _

_ She was on Earth, in his arms and he banished those uncertainties.  _

_ She stirred, he stroked her back and felt her relax into him again.  He wrapped both arms around her and kissed her head. She had not talked about much of her experiences on the Hammond or anything else since they had arrived at the cabin.  She had been quiet. He had read the reports, she had experienced a lot of action: fighting the Wraith in Pegasus and then back here to defend against the Lucian Alliance. She never complained about doing her duty, but there had been less of the exploring and discovering than she had hoped for commanding a ship of her own. _

_ She stretched her leg over him, her cool feet sought the warmth of his skin. _

Pieces of the past few months kept haunting him.  Awake or in his sleep, it didn’t seem to matter. He turned his head to see her still sleeping in the infirmary bed and ached for that moment again.  He wondered if she understood how much it meant to him that the time she spent at the cabin had recharged her. That was when they got pregnant too. He looked up at the concrete ceiling and could not stop the onslaught of the memory of the day she told him.     

_ He was alarmed to see the silhouette of a person sitting at the table in the dark of his small apartment for a moment.  He hung up his jacket and joined her at the table. “I didn’t know you were coming, or I would have waited to have dinner.”  She continued to stare of out the window. “Sam?” _

_ He turned on the lights and she flinched at the brightness and then turned to meet his eyes.  From the look on her face he could tell it was something very serious, and he wondered at the piece of paper she held so tightly in her hands.  His imagination ran wild. What brought her here with no warning and so upset. _

_ “I’m pregnant.” She informed him solemnly. _

_ “What?” He asked, incredibly relieved that someone had not died or was dying. _

_ She nodded, “Yep, that’s what I said.” _

_ “How ‘bout that?  And, you are…?” _

_ “Pregnant, Jack!” _

_ “I meant – happy… not happy?” _

_ “Has it occurred to you?” _

_ “What?” _

_ She looked at him exasperated. _

_ He looked down at her oblivious. _

_ “You’re just happy, aren’t you?” _

_ “Is that going to be a problem?” _

_ She was quiet for a moment, “I need you to acknowledge what we are doing.” _

_ “We are going to be parents, Carter.  We are going to change countless diapers, get thrown up on, lose a lot of sleep, and be happy about it.” _

_ “A child with Naquadah in his blood.” _

_ “Him?” _

_ “And, the Ancient Gene.” _

_ “A boy?”  He smiled. _

_ “You only hear the words you want to hear, don’t you Jack?” _

_ “You’ve known me for how long? That can’t be some cosmic revelation.” _

_ “Acknowledge to me that you understand the risk we’re taking.” _

_ He was suddenly serious and nodded, “I repeat...  You’ve known me for how long?” _

_ Tears escaped her eyes and she stood and moved into his embrace. _

_ He continued, “I know. We talked about this years ago. It’s a risk I’m still willing to take with you.” _

_ “I just gave up when it didn’t happen after the first few years. I stopped thinking…” _

_ He pulled back, “How long have you known?” _

_ “About a month.  I really needed to see the amino results and come to terms with what it all it meant. This was as early as Carolyn would risk the amino.” _

_ “Was that wise?” _

_ “I needed to know.” _

_ “But he’s okay?” _

_ She nodded, reassuring him. _

_ He looked thoughtful for a moment, “I wish you would have shared this with me before. Can you be happy?” _

_ “I’ve just been so worried. Seeing the look on your face.” She smiled and brought her palm to his face. “I wish I would have told you sooner.  I’m sorry. I am happy.” _

_ “George.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I think we should name him George.” _

_ “George? I like it,” she nodded. _

_ “So, we are going to have a George.  I wonder if he will be as smart as you and bald as Hammond?” _

There were moments they had been happy and hopeful and looked to the future.  At least he thinks they were. The angry side of him will only let him remember why she didn’t want the baby.  He is so tired, and his busy mind took him years back to just after Hammond had resigned the first time to protect his granddaughters from the trust…

_ Jack knocked on the wall and General Hammond invited him in, “Jack, come in.” _

_ “General, it's good to have you back.” _

_ “Thank you. I hear I missed a bit of excitement while I was gone.” _

_ “You'll have to ask Carter about that, Sir.” _

_ “I'm looking forward to the debriefing.” _

_ “As am I.” _

_ “Jack, what do I owe you for this?” _

_ “Continued latitude, patience and understanding. So just be yourself, Sir.” _

_ There was a disturbing phone call from Maybourne and then he continued… “General, about what you owe me?” _

_ “Anything I can do.” _

_ “Well, nothing right now. But one day I may ask you to…buy back my soul.” But something else nagged at him. “I guess we should just be grateful Carter doesn’t have any children.” _

_ “Or you.” Hammond, realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, Jack.” _

_ He nodded, “You’re not wrong, Sir.” _

He had dozed off and then woke with a jolt a few hours later when the nurse returned. The dream or rather memory was vivid.  Six months after that conversation with Hammond, The Carter Protection Policy first found it’s way to Sam. 

“Sorry Sir.” The nurse apologized for disturbing him and took his vitals.

He stretched his neck, then sat up and took another bottle of water from the nurse.  Carolyn had been watching him closer than expected; and the nurses checked his vitals about half as often as Sam’s and brought a bottle of water to him every visit.  He’s guessing he did not come back as well as she would have liked and hoped it was just dehydration. He knew she would not hesitate to hook him up to an IV, if he did not do what she said.  Besides, he was really thirsty.

The nurse replaced Sam’s saline and antibiotics, reset the pain med machine, and documented her stats.  “I’ll be back in 3 hours.”

“Thanks for the warning.” His thoughts and dreams felt more like a compulsion; making him unable to resist the pull, one pulled him to the next. He wanted to be forgiving and understanding of her decision.  But he just doesn’t feel capable of that. 

_ “Did we really think we could make a baby fit in our lives?  What were we thinking?” She was upset and her eyes were uncertainty. _

_ “You saw the report about Destiny.” He knows that’s a given, but he can’t think of anything else that would upset her this much. _

_ “It’s never gonna end, Jack.  You’ll get pulled in. I’ll get pulled in.  What place is there for a baby? They’ll never let either of us retire!” _

_ “Well, we don’t really have a choice, but to make George our priority.  Things change.” _

_ “How do we say no?  You aren’t.” _

_ “It’s temporary.” _

_ “It’s always temporary, just after this next one.” _

_ “What do we do then?” _

_ She shrugged her shoulders.  “What’s that?” Her curiosity derailed her, as she noted the folder in his hand. _

_ “As you requested: Barrett’s risk assessment. You weren’t wrong.” He tossed it on to the table. _

_ She looked at disappointedly, “How often am I?” She responded more aggravated than arrogant.  “For the record, I wish I had been. How bad is it?” _

_ “It’s worse than I thought.” _

_ “Worse than I thought?” _

_ “Probably not.” _

_ She did not pick it up.  If Barrett considered all of the angles she had, it would just be a reminder of all the ways someone could use their baby for leverage or testing and if there was more she had not considered it might just break her tonight. He knows how much it shook him and now he understands why it took her so long to tell him. _

He slept another 3 hours.

And, then another.

Dr. Lam came in on the next check-up time.

“How’s our patient?  Sam, I need to check the wound make sure you’re healing and it’s time to change the bandages.  Go ahead and pump the morphine a couple of times.” Dr. Lam checked her vitals while waiting for morphine to kick in. “Sir, you may not want to be in here for this.” She warned him.

“I’m alright if Carter doesn’t mind.”

Sam nodded.

Dr. Lam, laid the bed flat, rolled down the blanket and pulled her garment up.  She started for the bandage and Sam gasped. “Need more morphine?” 

Sam shook her head. “No. Go ahead.”

Jack made his way to the side of the bed and offered her a hand to squeeze.  He was surprised to see the size of the wound; the surface area was nearly melon size. 

“You will have a substantial scar, but it seems to be healing well.  Any higher and you might not have made it back through the gate alive.” She looked up apologetically at Jack.  “We are monitoring your vitals, there is some internal trauma. So, I need you to continue to take it easy.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Sam responded dutifully.  Too tired to be a difficult patient yet.

Dr. Lam treated the burns then rebandaged the wound.

“Tomorrow we’ll decrease the morphine dosage.  That burn ointment SG-3 brought back is working really well.  In three days if you continue to heal well and your vitals are strong, I will work to move you to home care with a full-time nurse for another three weeks and then we can talk about returning for light duty.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You will need time to heal, get back on your feet and go through a psych evaluation. But we’ll talk about that more later, unless you need to sooner.”

“I think I’m still in shock.”

“It’s to be expected.”

“Home would be great though, thank you.”

“This is a painful time for you both with the loss you’ve experienced.  As you meet my benchmarks, I will remove restrictions.”

“Not my first recovery with you Carolyn.” She smiled, sleepily.

“I know, but this one’s going to be the hardest, Sam. You lost your baby.” She squeezed her hand.  “Both of you need to work through this together. Talk about it.” She looked to both of them to make her point.

Sam nodded and pulled her gown down.

“When can I eat?”

“More clear liquids today.  Tomorrow maybe you can start on a light diet and then we’ll take it from there.”

When the door shut, it got very uncomfortable.  They didn’t talk, not about the baby anyway.

“Jack, you need a break from this room.  Go make sure, the Braxton thing is resolved.”

“Woolsey’s back. The IOA appointed a new guy to back him; the British one.”

“Well then go to DC or to the house or for a walk.”

“It’s really not a good idea if I’m wondering around just yet.” He warned of his mental state.

“Treadmill?”

He looked at his watch.  It was 23:00, but his internal clock was so far off, it wasn’t a bad idea. “Okay, Colonel, you win.”

\-------------

Day 6th Sam was released to go home. On Jack’s first trip upstairs, he closed the door to the baby's room.  He has experience locking feelings in rooms; he’ll successfully bury them again. Cassie came to visit and spend time with Sam, and every time she called Sam ‘Mom’, it digs in a little more and a nasty little voice keeps asking him if it is just his child she was so worried about. He shoves that little nasty voice into the room.

He works at the kitchen table, runs errands, helps her when she will let him. He can do this.  One step at a time he tells himself.

\-------------

On day 9, she takes a walk down the street and takes a step back on her meds and he rewarded her by lifting his moratorium on work talk. It gave them more to talk about and relieved some of the tension. 

“So, we officially have robotic dogs.” He said, as if it were news to her.

“Rex?”

“He’s fine.”

“They were amazing to see in action. I can’t wait to see the data.  I think you would have liked going into the field with them.”

“They’re still robots, Carter?”

“Robot dogs, which is cool.”

“Rex had a wire get chewed up.  I thought it was ironic or there is no way I would have remembered what happened to him.  They’re scheduled for an unmanned mission tomorrow.” He acquiesced, “Yeah, they’re cool, Carter. You’ve done a great job upgrading the unmanned reconnaissance program.”

“Thank you.” She doesn’t ask about Daniel or Vala. Vala told her the day she left the mountain that Daniel had gone to Atlantis for research and did not invite her to go with him.  “Any news about Avery or Penhall?”

“Nothing. It’s like they just disappeared, which in our business is something we can’t rule out.”

Cassie visits, Vala visits, Carolyn makes a few house calls, even Teal’c visits.  But that’s it. Landry, Mitchell and Daniel don’t. Jack is grateful for the distance.

\-------------

Halloween rolls around and they are in a tolerable pattern.  He has left for a day or two at a time, knowing the nurse, Vala or Cassie was there to help Sam.

“Trick or Treat!”  She heard loudly when he opens the door again.

“Oh nice, an alien, princess and puppy dog?”

“Good alien costume?” She asked when he returned.

“I’d say so, thor-ish, only green. You done? Can I take that?” He asked of her dishes.

“I can do it.”  She got up. “See, I’m okay.”

“Pain meds are a glorious thing.”

“Yeah. You need to go back to work.”

“You need to be able to get a shirt over your head without any pain meds.  That’s Carolyn’s benchmark.”

“I can go back to the base and Vala can help me.”

“You’re my wife; this is my primary responsibility. When the Doc clears you for light duty we’ll discuss it.”

He ignored her raised eyebrows when he used the word ‘responsibility’.

_ Ding Dong. _ Jack returned to the door with candy, but she hears him close it quickly.

“Let Vala in, Jack.”

But Vala let’s herself back in and walks past him.

“Look, I’m a nurse!” She shows off her ironic costume “And, I raided Teal’c DVD collection for movies.”

\-------------

Six days later, Sam instructed Jack to follow her upstairs. She took a sweater from a high shelf in her closet and pulled it over her head.  “I can dress myself now. Dr. Lam expects I will be cleared for light duty and start work on Monday. You should return too.”

“Trying to get rid of me, Carter?”

She looked at him frustrated, “Giving you a chance to take a break from caring for me.”

“It’s my job to take care of you.”

“No, it’s mine. I’m good. If you want to be here, it’s your home too and you are welcome to stay. Maybe we could go see McKenzie together or you and Daniel-”

He walked out of the room when she tried to bring it up again.

“It was my fault.” She chased after him.  “You’re shutting down, just like after Charlie.  Don’t do this. We need to talk about it.”

“It’s not the same.”

“No, it’s not, because this time, I’m the one at fault and you get to blame me.”

He got down the stairs faster than she could follow, he grabbed his keys and got in the truck and sat there. He knew she was crying inside.  He just can’t bring himself to go in and try to help her feel better. He started the engine and went for a drive. He just needed some time. At some point he grabbed a burger and a beer and then headed home. 

He hoped she was asleep, but the lights were still on. She’s not home.  There is just a note on the kitchen counter telling him she was going to go stay on base and give them some space and time to heal separately.

He looked at the bottles of meds she left on the counter and nearly threw them across the room and almost screamed out loud, but he’s much better at bottling it up than letting it out. He didn’t want to be here alone. So, he caught a flight back to DC.  Back to the predictable loneliness of their separate homes, long work days, endless meetings, and paperwork. As if nothing happened.

**_November days passed on_ ** , colder and colder. To no one’s surprise, Sam pushed herself too hard and is stuck on light duty longer than expected. In some ways, it is as if nothing happened.  As always they work well together, not just in work, but in their personal lives. She starts sending him lists for Christmas ideas for the people in their lives and they start to divide who will shop for whom. She takes all of the people she knows will cause tension with him right now and gives him the easy list.  Then on the 15 th he gets a call from a neighbor in Minnesota that a tree fell on the cabin during a storm that dropped 11 inches in the area, damaging the roof and there is some water damage from melting snow. Neither of them can go, but he calls and talks it through with her and they make a plan, this is the stuff they are good at. Planning, solving problems. Just not the really important problems.  She keeps paying down the credit card to make sure there is room and takes some of the calls from the contractors when he is not available. The cabin is repair. 

Daniel is still on Atlantis when Thanksgiving seems to just happen. It’s her first full active day back, so Landry can have the day off. Jack knows she sent Cassie to be with him, but Cassie doesn’t admit to it. They watch the Macy Day parade, the dog show, and some football and eat the Turkey dinner he ordered. Cassie calls Sam during one of the half-times and they manage to say Happy Thanksgiving to each other, but not much more.

He looked through reports.  He always knows where Sam is.  She takes a trip to the Gamma site right after Thanksgiving.  It’s her first time off-world since, his chest is tighter the few days until she’s back on earth.  Mid-December and she’s back at Nellis, working out the plan to install a modified lighter version of the Asgard Data Cores in all of their large fleet ships, scheduled to begin in March.  She was back to her over-worked self. And, Daniel has finally returned to SG-1.

Closer to home… Destiny and crew was determined to piss him off at every turn; and, then his assistant, Karen – who has been with him since he moved here 5 years ago, decided to retire. He should go through the stack of files for her replacement, but he just can’t seem to start that endeavor.  Jack thinks he will try and make an excuse for Christmas and save Sam from having to come up with something else to do. But Cassie called both of them before they can contrive an excuse.

Cassie arrived 3 days before Christmas.  Jack two. Together the three of them picked out a tree and trimmed it.  They did normal holiday things families do. Jack made pancakes Christmas morning, they go see a movie, and drive around town at night to look at lights.  At the movies, Jack takes Sam’s hand in the dark. It feels nice and maybe they can do this.

The day after Christmas, Cassie leaves to visit Janet’s parents. They are alone again.

“That was a beautiful ornament Cassie gave us.” Sam says as they pulled the blankets down the bed.

He nodded his head in agreement. Thinking of the ornament engraved with baby George’s name and the day he passed from their lives. Marking his brief time in their lives.

“When are you going to talk to me about him.”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Will you ever forgive me?”

“I don’t know. Yes, Maybe.  I hope so.”

She nodded and wiped a tear away and climbed into bed. He sat on the edge of the bed not facing her.

He sighs, he doesn’t want to do this, but not doing it means she won’t know where he is in all of this. And, it’s something he wants to give her that he couldn’t give Sarah. He doesn’t want a repeat performance and he has to hope that trying to explain it will make the difference this time, because his response to losing his second son doesn’t feel much different, “Carter… I was all in.  I could see it all and then it was gone, and I was not allowed to be mad, because your body shook when you cried, and it was so painful for you. I had to keep it together, and keep you calm so you could heal. I don’t know what I feel half the time. It should help that I know how you feel, that we’re both in pain, but it doesn’t. It just makes it harder to just be mad.” He finally turned to look at her.  “I need to be mad for a little while without feeling like I’m making it worse for you. It’s not fair I know, Charlie’s in there complicating it and it’s all too much. So, I don’t know. I hope so, but not tonight.”

She nodded. She somehow managed to keep it together; until she felt her chin quiver and betray her. The look in his eyes softened and then hardened again.  She understood more then, and so she nodded, pressed her lips together and tried to be strong and then wondered if this was how he felt when he watched her in the infirmary.  Trying to hold in the flood of emotion. She felt like crying and throwing up.

They settled into bed.

It was dark, but she was wide awake thinking back to the day they finally talked about Pete after she called off the wedding.  After they went fishing, just before she moved to Vegas to help Cassie. It was so complicated. They both wanted to move forward but there was so much history and he felt bad that he was mad about Pete.  Especially since he had encouraged her to get a life and her father had just passed away. He struggled with his need to process that he was hurt, but he was also very clear that he wanted a future with her, he just needed a little more time. She has a feeling this is going to take a lot longer.

Her phone vibrated on the stand, she looked and it was just a Merry Christmas from her niece. Her insides screamed.  She wanted to tell him the truth. Wanted him to hold her and grieve with her, but every time her phone vibrated she feared it was another threat.

“I’m heading back to DC in the morning.” He informed her when they were settled in bed.

“Mmmhhmm.” Is her response, because she will cry if she talks.

She remembered the first time she kissed him. How he nearly disregarded what he knew he needed to process before they would have a chance. But he didn’t want them to get off to bad start and he asked for more time, though it hurts, she knows that’s where he is now.  Trying to protect them, until he can work through it. They both have been forced to face and process their feelings through the program.

She finally finds her voice and strength, “I’ll still be here, Jack.” She said in the dark.

The backs of their hands touched and they both turned into it and fell asleep holding hands. 

In the morning he packed, made her some oatmeal and coffee, and left before she woke. It’s all he can give her right now. 


	12. 01-18-2011 09:05 ET: Homeworld Command

“No, not that one,” he responded regarding a file Julienne showed him and looked through the other stacks.  “No, not that one either.”

“This one?” Julienne offers from the corner of the desk.

“That’s it.” He handed it over to her. “Where’s Davis?”

“I think in the comm room.”

“I’m here. Landry had some feedback about the changes you recommended to the budget.”

“I bet he did."

“Got the report on that girl?”

“Excuse me?”

“The tech one.”

“Oh yeah. I’ll get that. Give me another minute, Sir.”

“Is that something the IOA can assist with Sir?” Julienne offered, since that was her primary role as liaison to the SGC, to help the SGC and IOA work together more seamlessly.

“I’ll let you know.  How is the short-list coming for the new lead Chemist?”

“They’re still trying to get the last candidate to sign the non-disclosure.”

“Remind them, that if they don’t have one ready by the March training, they’ll go 2 more months without an opportunity to replace… what’s his name?”

“Doctor Cole.”

“Right.”

“Ready for me?” Davis returned.

“Yes, come on in. Thanks, Julienne. Close the door on your way out.”

“What’s this girl’s name again?” He asked Davis.

“Anamari Anarki.”

“That’s her real name?”

“No, she’s an Albanian orphan. It’s believed her parents were involved in one of the ponzi schemes that led to the revolution of 1998. But her real name and family of origin is unknown.  Anarki, is Albanian for anarchy; I guess an homage to her parents. Now she seems to make a living from crisis. She’s believed to have been involved in the political unrest in Kyrgyzstan and Tunisia last year.”

“And, she was seen in close proximity to two of our primary assets in the past week?”

“Cheyenne Mountain and Nellis AFB. Yes, Sir. She is credited with compromising the technology assets of numerous influential people around the world.  She hacks phones, computers, secure security systems and then the threats and blackmail start. She’s gone before anyone even knows someone’s been compromised. This is may be the first time someone is in front of her agenda.”

“You hope.”

“I hope.”

“Not a coincidence.” Jack fidgeted with the pen and thought through the implications.

“Do we want to write-off the known activities of a technology terrorist near two of our facilities?”

“No, we don’t. Get me the names of the people you think are the most likely targets.”

“I can give you the names off the top of my head, but I don’t think you’re going to like the list.”

Jack rubbed his head. “Due diligence. Full list… don’t leave names off-”

“Colonel Carter was in my top three.”

Jack looked at him skeptically. “Don’t sugar coat Davis.”

“Okay, she’s number 1.  I don’t have to run a report to know she spends more time at both locations than any other SGC personnel.”

“Do it anyway. Run the report, make a list.”

“Yes, Sir.  You want to alert the NID?”

“Want is a strong word, Davis.”

“You want...“ he pauses looking for a better word choice, but comes up with nothing and continues. “to see Barrett today or tomorrow?”

“See what’s he’s got going on.  I’ll make time. And, send an alert to security at both bases.”

He nodded, “Sir. I’m sorry”

“Don’t ever apologize for doing your job, Davis.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jack thought of her trip coming up in 2 weeks.  She was receiving some award and he was thinking about inviting her to stay for the weekend. He was just starting to forgive himself for his reaction, and now another threat to prove how much of a target she was.  _ It’s not her fault.  _  He struggles with those words though and can’t pick up the phone.


	13. 01-23-2011 21:41 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

The wine glass hit the table a little harder than it should have.  For a moment, Sam was concerned for the integrity of the delicate glass stem.  She hated that even her fifth glass of wine could not dull her mind's default to evaluate the scientific principles and strategic miscalculations of the most common experiences.

Her unhinged mind momentarily split into alternate tangents, one of the stem shattering, the other not.  She wondered which fork in the road her life would take. Would she shatter under the pressure or withstand and persevere?

She breathed in, the sensation as the alcohol filled both her sense of taste and smell as the air passed through her mouth, to her lungs, and back again.

Sam laid her head back on the couch and looked up out the tall windows.  The moon was desperately trying to find its way through the clouds, but it was doing little to alleviate the darkness.  She pulled her legs back under the fleece throw, it was so cold in the house. She considered the possibility of there being a problem with the heater, but maybe the wine was just getting to her. Or maybe it was just Colorado in the Winter and she should have taken a look at the thermostat when she got up for that second bottle.  She did not feel concerned enough to get up from under the blanket to go check.

She sighed and cursed the tears again.  She should have been over this by now. She shouldn't be here.  No, she corrected herself, she shouldn't be here alone. She didn’t think they would still be here a month later.  She didn’t think he’d still be processing, still wouldn’t let her in. 

She crushed the half empty pack of cigarettes in her hand.  The smell of the dried tobacco leaves reminded her of their enduring grief.  She was angry that Jack had hid the cigarettes from her. It was tangible proof he was not handling it any better than she was, yet she still felt alone in her failure to move past it.  The cigarettes were hidden in the pocket of the jacket he often wore when he sat on the back porch. She had found them an hour ago when she put the jacket on to go get another log for the fire.  She threw the crumbled pack into the low smoldering fire burning in the fireplace and watched it disappear into ash. 

Truly, it's not like she didn't know.  She could remember the smell of it on him when he came to bed right after Christmas and told her he needed time.  She could imagine him on the back porch before he came up, smoking, thinking about how to tell her he’s mad and hurt. 

She considered calling Sarah.  Yes, Brilliant Sam, something a wife would only consider after opening that second bottle of wine.  Call the ex-wife, maybe she finally figured him out? She felt a tear fall down her cheek, as she gazed down at the fire. No, she knew him.  She knew him enough to know, her choices might break them.

“What is wrong with me?”  Her eyes were fixed on the flames, her body unable to move.  Why was she still so emotional? She had more tears in the last four months than the last 20 years.  She was stuck here in this moment. She closed her eyes and tried to shift the blame to the wine. 

_ She looked down when she felt it, something strange.  Then she heard Cam’s panicked words, “Damn it. Sam, get to the gate.”  She looked back down at the blood on her pants, she was bleeding, a lot, and that meant she was most likely losing her baby.  There was no time to grieve, everyone was moving urgently toward the gate, instinct kicked in and she moved with them and then felt the weapons fire hit her in the side, felt the burn, heard the panic in their voices along with the sounds of the brief firefight, felt Daniel and Vala lift and drag her through the Gate -- as if it had all just happened... again.  She felt the full weight of the loss that stole her dreams, as if for the first time. Daniel’s words right before the mission, haunted her still... 'an easy trip through the gate.' Tears burned down her cheek, as she relived the true order of events in that moment, the truth that not another soul knew. She desperately wanted to tell Jack the truth, but the threat to Cassie came before he had returned to Earth.  There was nothing she could do from that bed. Her anger and guilt warred within her again. _

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” She screamed as loud as she could and cried her grief and anger. It echoed off the walls of the large great room, but no one could hear her… she was all alone, maybe. She could only hope.


	14. 01-24-2011 07:21 MT: Colorado Springs, CO

Sam woke with a gasping breath to the bright lights streaming through the window and for a moment panicked. But then she saw the pictures on the mantel, her fireplace, her living room… her house.  Her house. She had fallen asleep on the couch... again. A little, or maybe, no definitely  _ more than a little _ too much wine.  She was pretty sure they were only nightmares haunting her this morning.  No way to be certain. The fire had died out and it was now even colder in the house.  A typical January in Colorado, she assured herself.

The remnants of her dreams still the force pounding her heart in her chest, but she pushed herself up the stairs. She looked at the undisturbed bed.  A reminder that no one wanted to be there. She turned on the shower and filled the cup on the bathroom counter, so she could overcome a bit of the cotton mouth and dehydration headache.  In the shower, she ran her hand over where a scar used to mark her abdomen. If someone had asked her if she wanted to erase the reminder, she thinks she might have agreed, but that no one asked and that the marks were disappearing without her consent, felt like a violation of not just her body, but mind and soul and her chance to process her grief and let go. “Welcome to day 106, Sam.” She noted of the days since she had lost the baby, then mentally forced herself passed it and washed away her disappointment and inadequacies, for now.  Caffeine, soon… very soon… was a necessity.

It was not long before she was standing in line at her favorite coffee shop.

"Your coffee lines remind me of old Russian bread lines."  She heard barely above a whisper from behind her.

She rolled her eyes, okay that was painful.   _ 'Don't do that again,' _ she chastised herself. She did not want to be social, just get her coffee and get out, but his voice compelled her to turn around.  A deep, Russian voice and something even more familiar than that. Maybe? 

"Eastern Russia?" She asked, curiously looking over her sunglasses and squinting a little.  Rethinking that decision, she pushed the glasses back up for protection.

"Da, Yakutsk.  You speak Russian?"

She could see him analyzing her face, trying to perhaps determine her reason for the sunglasses here inside the coffee shop or the overreaction of the squinting, "No, not well anyway.  I just spent a few months in grad school at the Institute of Cosmophysical Research in Yakutsk. I met a boy studying Russian and Eastern European dialects, he taught me a few things."

"So, you know my birthplace?"

She paused and recalled, Yakutsk was the coldest inhabited place on earth, though her memories were of green summer months.  It was the most beautiful view of the Milky Way from earth, but it could be cold and nearly uninhabitable located in the harsh environments of Siberia. The memories almost a brochure of a place she once thought about visiting, "It was a very... very long time ago, but from what I remember, it was lovely."

"Da, you must have come in the few more moderate months?  No one thinks fondly of a Yakutsk Winter."

"I remember a lot of anxiety to get us out ahead of the early onset of winter, hard to forget that kind of panic.  I think I almost got to spend Winter there too. I did a little skiing when we first got there, explored the region with new friends, met a boy, oh and I got to experience a lovely swarm of mosquitoes before we left." She smiled.

"Ahhh, the tourist months."  He looked nostalgic, holding his hand to his heart.

"And, hikes along the Lena River."

"With that boy?"  he pried.

"Sometimes." She laughed and took herself by surprise.

“You have a beautiful laugh.”

“Thank you.” She smiled self consciously and tried to remember the boy’s name, but it was not coming to her.  "Fascinating area. Aside from my cosmology studies, my friends were studying the Lena River, permafrost and cryogenics."  The memories were all so vivid.

"Perhaps our paths crossed.”

“Perhaps.” She noted and smiled again, he was likely close to her age, but she was never good at those things.

“So, cosmologist?"

"Astrophysicist. Dr. Carter." She gave him a small smile and stretched out her hand to introduce herself.

"Ahhh. Beautiful and Smart.  Did you ever see the night sky in Yakutsk?”

This time she held her hand to her heart, “I lost many nights of sleep in Yakutsk.  We camped along the river and watched the Galaxy pass by, and even splurged and took a night cruise once.  When I close my eyes, I can still see the Milky Way crossing over the river.” She closed her eyes and blushed, she could not remember the last time a man made her blush.  Must have been the heat of still wearing her jacket and scarf inside. She removed the scarf. "What brings you to Colorado Springs? Or do you live here now?" She moved ahead as the line moved forward.

"Oh, I am Psychiatrist specializing in combat stress.  We have some visiting soldiers here in Colorado Springs, with one of your American programs.  I was sent to evaluate their mental state. I am Dr. Ruslanovich."

"Nice to meet you, Doctor."

"Please, call me Nikolay."

"Then you should call me, Sam." She smiled more fully and finally removed her sunglasses and her leather jacket.  The aspirin seemed to be kicking in and she was now feeling very warm.

He bought her coffee and bagel, despite her protest.  He explained that it had been years, since he had been home, and he relished the opportunity to talk to someone who shared his appreciation for his homeland.  They sat down and talked more about Yakutsk, the Russian Academy of Sciences and the Lena River. She recollected the beautiful architecture there and experiences with the warm, friendly people. Such a stark contrast to the harsh, cold weather they endured. She felt such a warm fondness for them.

She was enjoying the conversation and his attention.  She felt alive for the first time in too long or maybe just in 106 days.  He had intrigued her, and she felt flushed. 

He was a really good-looking man. He reminded her of someone, but she couldn’t place it.  He was well dressed, in a well fitted, dark suit. His hair was almost as dark as his suit.  His face bore a few lines and his mysterious, dark eyes revealed just enough to intrigue her.  His clothes and looks, almost had a monochrome look, but he bore it quite well. He had a strong jaw and shoulders and was several inches taller than her even with her in heels. His strength spread though his broad shoulders, it was both imposing and comforting.   The term sexy even crossed her mind as he spoke, but she tried to not think of him that way. She was after all married.

_ Jack! _  She looked at her watch, "Oh no! I am so sorry, I really need to get to work."  She stood rapidly, gathered her things, and pulled her jacket and scarf back on in a hurry before he could stand to help her.

He reached for her hand and kissed it.  His hands were reassuring and his lips were warm and barely grazed her hand.  "It was my pleasure. Thank you for walking on memory lane with me. This has been a most unexpected and wonderful treat this morning."

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks again.  She pulled her scarf tighter and smiled, "Thank you for the coffee and the reminiscing.  It was really nice to meet you." She pulled herself away from the moment and rushed out.  She felt unsettled as she walked from the coffee shop. Part of her felt pulled to stay and talk more; part of her was concerned how much she wanted to stay.  Grateful for the cold air against her flushed skin, she loosened the scarf outside and took it back off hoping it would cool her skin. She was a married woman and not only had she been flirted with, she had not discouraged it.  It was not that she was unhappily married… or maybe it was. It didn't feel like she was married at all. She took a deep breath as she put her car in gear.  _ That’s not even the point Sam _ , she censured herself.

As she drove to work, she tried to remember if she had ever told Jack about her travels and experiences before she joined the SGC, mostly in her cosmology studies, but she used to travel and take in the world she spent so much time saving now.   _ She laughed at herself, imagine your frequent flyer miles now. _  Still she was not happy with the direction her thoughts were taking.  Part of her was starting to feel resentful at how long he was taking, but she also knew she had not made any attempts with him lately either.  Perhaps they had both given up, she thought sadly and not for the first time.

She reached her parking space at the mountain, still holding the steering wheel tightly with two hands she lunged herself forward, dropping her head to rest on it.   _ You can do this, Sam. _  She sighed.  You are over-reacting, again.  She pushed herself back in the seat, drummed her fingers on the steering wheel in succession.  Felt her breathing even out.  _ She could feel his bare feet against hers in the hammock, sun on her skin...  _  Her pride battled with her desire to change the direction they were heading.  She pulled out her phone and gazed at it, then started to put it away, but her wedding ring in the car tray caught her eye and her fingers started texting before she allowed herself to put anymore thought into it:  _ 'Thinking of you.' _ She sent the simple message and picked up the wedding band and put it on.  It was an effort and maybe it would make the video call with HomeWorld Command a bit more pleasant this morning if he caught sight of it.   _ Is that what you want?  _ She slid the phone back into her purse and left the safety of her warm car for the dead of Winter on the Colorado mountain.

* * *

Standing in the conference room, more than 15 minutes had passed after their scheduled start time, as they waited for a meeting with General Landry.  He was in his office on the phone. The video call with HomeWorld Command had been postponed to this afternoon, and Landry had been on the phone since they had arrived for the scheduled debriefing.  Daniel and Colonel Mitchell sat at the table, looking through the files and fidgeting impatiently, respectively. Sam was standing at the window looking down on the Gateroom. Siler was checking the power breakers on the wall.  But she was much farther away than even the Gateroom. She was laying on a sleeping bag along the Lena River, looking up, at the vivid display of stars. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in and tried to identify constellations, feel the cool night breeze on her skin, smell the trees and flowers indigenous to the area, hear the sound of the water lapping at the shore, and feel that boy’s hand intertwined with hers… what was his name?

"So, you're really gonna join us on this one?" Mitchell was suddenly standing next to her, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked over at him oddly, the words eventually penetrated her reverie.  "Yes. Why?" There it was. She had forgotten and now the nagging question was back but coming out of his mouth instead of just in her head.

"Well, it's just that... you know, you haven't been out in the field since-."

"Since, I resigned from SG-1, Cam?”

“Exactly.”

“I’m fine, thanks for asking."  She answered defensively and looked over to Daniel self-consciously.  Their eyes met briefly, he raised a brow admonishing her sharp response, but he refocused on the file in front of him. The emotional distance he was putting between them was almost as painful as the distance between her and Jack and just as insurmountable.

"Just thought maybe you were getting a little comfortable there with the desk time, serving as Landry's Second in Command and your little research projects, Colonel."  His hands danced in front of her.

“Little research projects?  I saved your team’s ass last week.”

He nodded his head and grimaced. “Noted.”

“I’ve been through the gate numerous times to the training site, Gamma site, even to inspect a few scientific discoveries.” She defended and smiled in appreciation for his not forcing the subject any deeper.  As the team leader he had to ask, she respected that, and truth be known she wasn't exactly sure if she was ready for an actual mission, but she needed to find out and it was an easy mission...  _ easy mission _ , echoed in her head and she bit her lip.  Her heart raced, "I'd really like to see this thing."

"Yeah, he said you wouldn't be able to resist."

She rolled her eyes, wondering if he was talking about Jack or Daniel.  But she was not going to take the bait. She felt defensive and uneasy enough.

"We missed you at team night, last night." He continued, nudging her shoulder.

She looked over at Daniel again, but he didn’t meet her eyes this time.  Team night was not only about SG-1 anymore, Cam liked to invite other teams and it had been good for relations at the SGC, but she was not ready for that just yet, "Yeah, sorry about that, I uhh..."  --  _ 'had to drink a bottle or two of wine by myself until I passed out.' _ She finished in her head.

"Colonels... Dr. Jackson…. Vala? Vala!?”

“Oh here, General.”  Vala peered around the corner from the Sergeant’s office across the room.

“Sorry to keep you all waiting, I read the report and I think we can dispense with the usual briefing, you have a go."  He waved them on and started back out of the room.

Sam, Daniel, Vala and Mitchell looked at one another shocked.  It was a rare occurrence to not run through a mission with the General.

“Seriously?” Daniel replied.

“Really?”  Mitchell asked, surprised.  “Sir.” He finished, but Landry just ignored him.

“Do you not have the confidence that you have addressed all of the angles?” He asked with his back still to the room.

“No, Sir.  I mean, yes, Sir. We’re ready.”

He turned back, “Carter already gave me the summary report and green light, so let’s not waste any more time. The Gate is yours at 08:00 tomorrow.”

"Yes Sir."  Mitchell turned to the others. "So, lunch?" 

"Sure." Daniel answered.

“Oh, me too.”  Vala responded, raising her hand and joined them again.

Sam was about to go, hoping she could make some progress with Daniel, when Landry called her back.

"Colonel Carter, a moment?"

“Right.”  She nodded, waved to them and followed Landry into his office.

“It’s official, we will have 2 new teams,” he informed her.

“That’s great!”

He held up his hand, “Both new international teams.  Another Chinese team and the other will be a multi-national contingent that will rotate.” He informed her, putting on his glasses and pulling up his notes.

“So, we’ll have to include them all in the May training schedule?”

“March.”

“But that’s already-”

“I know, we have our orders.”  He sighed. “We need to process 8 new recruits to be ready to leave to the Training site with the March group and 8 more in the May group. The Russians were not happy when the Chinese got the green light for a second team. So, another Russian team is coming soon with the rest of the members of the multinational contingent in May.”

“Yes, Sir.  Dixon is overseeing the March Training, and Reynolds in May; I’ll brief them.  Do you want to scale back our teams?”

“No, it was fully funded by the IOA.  So, we will just need to add more training personnel to the rotation.  These are very seasoned training groups, they should be able to handle it.”  He smiled tightly. “Not regretting your decision to leave SG-1 are you?”

“No sir, this is what I want.  It will be nice to get off-world tomorrow, but I am enjoying my new roles and responsibilities.”

He stood and walked around the desk, “Well then, you should know it’s official.”

“Sir?”

“My retirement date; 8 months, well September 1 st .”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sir.”

He nodded his head, “Don’t be.  I feel confident I am leaving the SGC in better hands.  Your return to the SGC and focus on leadership has made it easy for the IOA to select the next SGC leader.  They really like the idea of having someone with a focus on research and development in charge. Your extensive experience with the program, notwithstanding, you are certainly the most qualified.  Congratulations, Colonel. It will come with the requisite promotion and parking space.”

She smiled fully.  “Thank you, Sir.”

As she walked to the commissary to catch up with SG-1. Sam contemplated the change in the air.  Landry had been treating her as if this was all official for months now. If he did not make sure she was in the room with him on 'phone calls' and meetings, he often debriefed her after and included her in much of the planning and follow through.  And, she had been attending more leadership training as well. She remembered Jack spending more time with Hammond in the years before he was promoted. She was both thrilled and concerned. This  _ was _ what she wanted.  _ Of course, it was, wasn’t it? _

Nearing the commissary, she heard a newly familiar voice out of context, "Sam?... I mean, Dr. ---, I did not-"

"Dr. Ruslanovich," she greeted him, surprised. Dr. Lam had been introducing him to Daniel, Vala and Cam.  "You're here to evaluate the mental state of your Russian teams  _ here _ at the SGC."  She easily put together from their earlier conversation.

"How do you know, Colonel Carter?" Daniel asked the Dr.

“Colonel. Carter?”  He responded to the different title as he took her hand and covered it with both of his strong hands.  The others all taking note of the unusually intimate gesture and how close they stood.

“Yes, but you can still call me Sam.”

"You are full of surprises.  Sam, very nice to see you again.  I enjoyed our coffee this morning.  Since then my mind has been unable to wonder far from the shores of the Lena River." He leaned in a bit more and lowered his voice with his confession.

She blushed at their shared distraction.  "Mine too." 

Daniel raised his eyebrows at their encounter and looked to Vala.   "Lena River…. this... morning?"

Vala’s eyebrows arched even higher as she shrugged.

As Sam made her way to her office after lunch, she wondered about this new player, Nickolay Rushlanovich. How did he fit into Izmaylov’s plans?  What was his role? How had he disarmed her so easily, and how had he gained clearance into the most secret and secure facility on the planet? Was he a distraction from the real plan or was there something more destructive yet to come from this player?  

The place of her nightmares flashed before her eyes: gray walls, the smell of blood and the pain. Through the open door she could see him.  Nickolay was there when they tortured her. Her phone vibrated and she tensed, but it was not another threat from ‘them’. It was a text from Jack inviting her to come for the weekend starting Friday. She tried to breathe through the spike of adrenaline now coursing through her veins and she looked up at the camera and then at the SF's making their way through the hall. But an anxiety of a different form has now surfaced; she will see Jack for the first time since Christmas when he had asked for space to deal with his grief.  She took a deep breath and forced herself past over-thinking and simply responded, “I look forward to it.”


	15. 01-26-2011 08:55 MT Colorado Springs, CO

"Thanks, Julienne…  No, that's what I expected….  Please don't apologize. It's not your fault.  Is he there? Alright, well… tell him I called and thanks for updating me on his schedule."  Sam hung up the phone and waited for Vala’s fifth reconnaissance visit past her door.

Vala dropped a large book down loudly on her lab table and picked something up and fidgeted with it. “Got Julienne, huh?” Vala intentionally over enunciated the name.

“Yes.”

“We hate her, right? Of course, we do.  Who died and put her in charge of Jack’s phone?”

“Well, Karen left; no one died. He just hasn’t replaced Karen so Julienne, Captain Perez, and Lt Roland take turns.” Vala looked at her skeptically. “I miss Karen too.”

“I know! Julienne acts like she doesn’t even recognize my voice when I call.  So annoying. And, Karen was so funny!”

“She was. So, what’s up, Vala?”

"You had dinner with Dr. Ruslanovich in the commissary, again last night."

"Daniel send you?” Sam accused and hoped; he had seemed to shift from avoidance to glowering lately. Oddly, this felt like progress. She was also strangely grateful that outsiders still saw her attention to Nickolay as something of interest. She was concerned when she remembered his role in her torture that she would fail to hide it and perhaps cause them to question the effectiveness of their influence. But her inclination toward him remained compellingly intimate and trusting. When she felt the desire to pull back, the memory of her hands intertwined with that boy’s invaded her thoughts, and fed her desire for increased intimacy with him. She stopped struggling to remember the boy’s name; apparently that was not a necessary part of the memory they had given her.

Vala shrugged.

“We've had a few meals together since he's been here evaluating the Russian teams."

"It’s been noticed."

"Report back to Daniel that everything is fine."  Sam took the history of math book Vala had brought in and returned it to its proper place on the shelf.

"It's just that-"

"We're fine."  She responded too firm, she realized. She took a deep breath. "Look, he grew up in a Russian town I spent some time in when I was in grad school.  I enjoy talking to him. That's it. Nothing else."

Vala paused when they were interrupted, but it was just Dr. Avery, “I completed the Gate diagnostics we discussed.”

“Thank you.” Sam acknowledged, and took the tablet to look over the data.

“Is it just me or do I sense tension?” She looked between the Sam and Vala.

They both sighed.

“Nothing a Girl’s night out wouldn’t solve.” Vala shifted the discussion.

“Right there with you.  Let me see if I can get a sitter.  I had to call in a lot of favors two weeks ago when we were in lock down.”

Sam smiled compassionately at her. She and Sophia had a few conversations about her new challenges since Brad was MIA. “What if we had a quieter night at your place, after Lizzie goes to bed?” Sam suggested. “I don’t really feel like a loud, public place anyway.”

Sophia cast a dubious look to Vala.

“I can reign it in… a little.  There will still be food, wine and laughing, right?”

“What would be the point otherwise?” Sophia asked. “8pm, my house, the little monster should be asleep by then.

“How is Lizzie?” Vala asked.

“She’s three. Battles every single day. Not being able to explain where her Dad’s been for the past 3 months doesn’t help. But she wouldn’t understand even if I knew for certain that he really is... gone.” She sighed.

“We haven’t given up.” Sam assured her, but they all knew there were no new leads.

“I know.” Sophia smiled tightly and pointed at the diagnostic Sam was reviewing.  “So, the technicians are correct, there have been a few more issues with the gate the last few months, but as you can see it’s all within nominal parameters for an upgrade.” She reported.

Vala looked over Sam’s shoulder at the tablet as Sam replied. “I guess the new server configuration is holding.  Still, let’s keep an eye on it.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ve gotta get back. Wednesday, 8pm.  My place. We’ll talk food and wine on Tuesday?”

They both nodded and watched her leave and Vala repeated, “Three months.”

“I know. I can’t imagine.” She sort-of could, but Jack wasn’t hers yet when he had gone MIA in this program.  Twice.

“I think Daniel makes it a point, to make sure we can all relate.” Vala tried to lighten the mood.

“True. I’m worried about her.”

“I talked to her at lunch.  She’s talking to McKenzie again.  She said she’s been having some bad days again. She doesn’t know if she is supposed to be grieving or holding out hope.”

“It’s a hard balance.”

“Wednesday will help, I’m sure. She’s tough.” Vala is not easily intimidated, but her first impression of Sophia was to avoid crossing her path by any means, but soon discovered Sophia was mostly just sarcastic by nature and Vala was perfectly fluent in that language. She promptly steered the conversation back to the previous track, “So, Jack hasn't been back for a while, has he?"

Sam admired or rather persevered Vala’s persistent line of questioning, "No.  He hasn't. This thing with the Destiny, you know, it takes up a lot of his time..."  She rambled on making excuses for him. For them. But she also knows Vala knows too much to buy any of it.  "I know you’re concerned about my friendship with Nickolay, it's been nice to just talk to someone, remember who I was before the SGC, and not wonder if he’s waiting for me to slip up.”

“I’m not waiting for you to slip up.” Vala reassured her.

“Daniel and Cam are.”

“They’re worried.  They feel responsible-”

“And, I’m really trying to move past it. But I can’t if everyone keeps feeling… feelings!”  Sam exaggerated and bit back a smile.

Vala busted out laughing and then Sam couldn’t hold it in any longer and laughed.  “So, it’s not like that?” Vala asked for reassurance.

“No, we’re just friends.” Sam knew it was a lie and Vala seemed to sense it as well.  She saw the doubt in her eyes. "I declined his dinner offer off-base and explained." She both defended and justified.

"That you’re married?" Vala inquired.

Sam didn’t answer, but elbowed Vala defensively.

"You’re right, I am worried, and I won’t apologize for worrying if you’re more vulnerable now." Vala wrapped her arms around her for a quick side hug.

"I'm fine. It’s been three months, I was cleared."  She pressed her lips together and gave the official answer and tried to bite back her irritation.  

"I'd love to hear your stories from before the SGC."

“Maybe on girls’ night.”

“But you’re alright?” Vala asked again, seriously.

Sam really worried about how well Vala could read her.  She bit back her urge to tell Vala that things were not at all alright and had not been for some time. But as she had laid in the infirmary bed after that fateful mission, the first text picture threat had come in.  It was of Cassie stepping into her car in formal attire on her way to make her speech at the fundraiser. The next picture, a couple of days later when Jack had left the room, was of Jack sitting in the infirmary next to her bed with his head in his hands.  It confirmed Barrett’s intel that the SGC had been compromised and that she and her loved ones were being watched, even here.

"Nothing to worry about, Vala, Dr. Ruslanovich will be gone before I get back." She forced an unconvincing smile.

“Get back?”

“I am leaving today for DC for the weekend. I told you, I have that Awards thing tomorrow night.”

Vala raised her eyebrows. “Right. And, this is the first time you’ll see him since Christmas?

“Outside of work,” She nodded.

“Nervous?”

“Yeah! It’ll be fun.” She took a deep breath. “I know how lucky I am, Vala.”

"He's lucky too and he knows it. You _will_ have fun."

Sam nodded, nervously.

Vala smiled reassuring, then blurted out “David Boreanaz!”

“What?”

“Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Teal’c has them on tape.”

“Bones.” She confirmed who Vala was talking about.  But Sam was not entirely understanding, “Oh wait, you mean Major Rollins.  Oh my God, Right! That’s who he looks like!”

“Did you just say, _Oh my God, Right!?_ ” Vala teased her.

“Get out of my office, Vala.” They laughed.  Sam was thankful for the laughter Vala brought into her life, especially the past few months. She was the friend, Sam never expected to have again after losing Janet.

The phone rang.  "Colonel Carter."  She tried not to laugh. "Hi, Agent Barrett, what can I do for you?"  She bit her lip and waved Vala off

Vala teased, silently and dramatically mouthing ‘ _Oh. My. God!’_ to Sam slowly as she walked out the door.

She shook her head trying to be professional on the phone.  “I’ll make it work. Thanks.”

 _‘Need to do ODY diagnostics review en route.  Not sure of my ETA.’_ She texted to Jack before she forgot why she had called Jack’s office earlier.  Odyssey needed more of her attention.

She thought back to dinner with Nickolay and wondered if her behavior drew questions from others or if Daniel and Vala were just overly sensitive about how things were going between her and Jack.  She found herself often taking steps back from Nickolay and felt she had to work to be more professional in his presence. Nothing to over-analyze Sam. He’ll be gone by the time you get back… or he won’t.

* * *

The lighting is low, Daniel likes it that way.  But his face is in his hands and Vala’s worried. He’s been very careful with his feelings since he returned from Atlantis, and before… since they came back from that mission.  Until this morning when he unleashed his concerns to her about Sam and Nickolay. It’s the first time he has talked to her about Sam since before.

“Are you alright, Daniel?”

Vala stroked her hand down his back before he realized she crossed the room, but she does not push.  She’s more patience than she used to be. Not as desperate to fit in; she’s safe, especially with him. So she gives him some time.

He failed to come up with something quippy to distract her, so he just nodded. He wiped at his face and replaced his glasses.

“She’s leaving to spend the weekend with Jack.”

He still didn’t say anything.

“That’s good, right?” He nods again. “It’s alright to get upset with her and feel protective of your friends.”

He looked at her then, a wave of confusion, guilt, and denial washes over his face and is replaced with grief.

“I didn’t know what I had to lose.” He finally admits to where he is in his head.

“What do you mean?” She asked as she sat beside him. Her hands continue to connect with him in some way.  On his arm, his hands.

“It’s like my parents all over again, losing him.” It’s not only the scene of his parents being crushed in front of him that flashes through his mind though, it’s Share laying on the floor of the tent, Janet in a pile of leaves, Vala burnt to death in his arms and now Sam on P4X-228… almost. He tries not to go there, because he fears that would have broken him entirely.

“Jack?”

He nods.

“Like losing you to Merlin.” She acknowledges she understands and smiles gently, Cam’s words still firmly embedded in her now. _‘_ _Well now you know that the hard part about being part of this team is not risking your own life. It's watching your friends take chances with theirs.’_

He locks eyes with her. “I wanted her to come with us.” He smiles sadly when he admits it.  She waited for him to be ready to talk, but is still surprised when he does and she patiently bears witness to his pain.  “I wanted to have that _last mission_ before she left. Before she became and Mom and he became a Dad. And, left.”  He needed this, closure. “I wanted to mark that spot and be able to remember it. And, now I wish just I could forget the look on her face when she was shot.”

Vala squeezed his hand. “We all wanted her there. It’s always more fun with Sam. Even Mitchell agrees, though he’d never admit it.”

“I didn’t know when it was SG-1’s last mission with Jack.” He doesn’t say it, but he doesn’t remember the last time his Mom kissed him on the head, he heard Janet laugh, Share tell him she loved him or now Jack’s last words to him since Sam was shot. “193.” He notes the planet of the mission Jack commanded SG-1 on and smiles.

“P3X or P4C, because those were 2 very different-”

She was surprised when he pulled her hand up and kissed it, because Daniel was very reserved about PDA in the office and even that was a big deal for him.

“Not that I mind, but what was that for?”

“For knowing the difference between both missions, I guess.”

She shrugged and responded suggestively. “Know what else I know?” He looked on very suspicious of her next words, but she surprises him. “I know that Jack cares just as much as you do.  Or it wouldn’t hurt him as much as it does. Give him time. You all will find your way again.”

He nods and looks back down at his desk and takes ahold of a picture.

She looks down to see what has stolen his attention from her this time, “What’s that?”

“The stargate pedestal on 228.”

“I thought you translated that?”

“I did, but it just made no sense. It’s gibberish.”

“There weren’t any turny thingys on the pedestal, were there?”

“Turny thingys? No.” He laughs softly and then sighs, “I don’t think so.”

“What do you mean you don’t think so?”

“Well, I didn’t go back. Nyan took the pictures.” The writings on the back of the pedestal weren’t found until they went back to move the stargate to a safer, higher elevation.

“Why haven’t you?”

He was quiet.

“We should go.”

“They didn’t move the pedestal.”

“What?”

“When they moved the gate away from the river, they didn’t move the pedestal with it. It was too heavy”

“So, it’s not there anymore?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s go see.” She sat down at the computer and wrote up a mission request even before confirming. And, then pulled up the last report and looked through.

“I don’t want-”

“Daniel, why did we just request a mission to go back 228?” Mitchell was at the door within minutes of Vala hitting enter.

Daniel gestured over to Vala at the computer and Mitchell followed.

“It’s still there.  Looks like the melting season is over, a bit chilly even and the river did not extend that far.”

“The ship?” Cam ask confused.

“No, that is probably in pieces at the bottom of the river, but the pedestal.”

“The pedestal?”

Daniel pushed the photo to Mitchell.

“You want to go back and to see this?”

“Vala does.”

He looked to Vala and Daniel.  Things had been off with SG-1 since that mission.  He hesitated, because he knows how much emotional baggage they’ll be dragging along if they walk back onto that planet, but he also fears they’ll never move past it as a team if they don’t somehow find a way to make something good come of this.  “How far is the gate from the pedestal now Vala.”

Vala smiled, because she knows that is a yes. “A klik give or take.”

“It’s not a bad trek.  Alright, I’ll go talk to Landry.”


	16. 01-26-2011 13:29 ET: Pentagon Building, Washington, DC

She took a deep breath and entered the message, _‘Here. Where should I meet you after my meetings?’_  Sam texted Jack, when she beamed in after working all morning on Odyssey.

Business communications were easy, she had no idea how the more personal communication would go.  It was the first time they would see each other since Christmas. Since he told her he needed time to be mad.  Since he left. He didn’t respond right away, and that made her more nervous. She tried to think about her next meeting.

 _‘On my way to Langley for last minute meeting.  Can you just meet us at Cork Celt at 18:30?’_ She received back about 5 minutes later, it felt like hours.

 _‘Sure’_.  She replied. The Cork Celt was an Irish pub they frequented in Pentagon City and where they were celebrating tonight.

 _‘And, can you bring me a change of clothing? Forgot the bag on the bed, already packed.’_ She received back.

She bit her lip and smiled.   _‘Will do’_.  She replied and blew out that tense breath. Okay. They could do this. He only changed for events like this, so he could be more affectionate with her.  Otherwise, he wouldn’t bother with the extra effort. Her heart raced, but she took a few deep breaths and moved on to the next meeting.

After checking-in with the SGC and meeting with a variety of offices regarding matters on behalf of the SGC, Sam walked to the Pentagon Metro station and caught the blue line to Crystal City.  As the escalator ascended to ground level, she felt the bitter cold wind whip through the corridor. The Pentagon station was better protected, so this was her first time fully outdoors since she arrived in DC.  She pulled her coat closed and tightened the scarf. Her dress blue’s skirt and pumps offered little protection from the wind and slush on the streets. But it was a short enough walk to their apartment building from here, only about a quarter of a mile and a quick stop through a warm Starbucks and she would be home in no time.

It was only 15:00 by the time she got to the apartment.  Yet, as early as she came in, she had already put in a 9-hour work day.  She quickly kicked off the cold, damp pumps. It was a small one-bedroom apartment on the 8th floor.  Jack had rented it when he first moved to DC; 2 stops on the Metro from the Pentagon. He never expected to be here this long. Cassie had been going through a hard time with the anniversary of Janet’s death when he had to quickly find a place to live and now they were paying to live in two states – here and the house in Colorado and lately the cabin had required some expensive repairs too. A new roof and plumbing in the same year. Jack never complained, at least the small place felt open and comfortable with the wood floors and large windows.

She had not thought of that rough Summer with Cassie in a long time. The phone call, the rush to get to Nevada and her dedication to stay with her until she got on solid ground again.  It was the first time she and Jack had worked together on a more personal level; both determined to be there for Cassie. It had been the turning point in their personal relationship. Learning to depend on each other outside of work for someone they both loved. She transferred to Nevada to help Cassie and that opened the door for them to explore possibilities. Then Hammond gave them a little extra push with an ambiguous deadline to make things more permanent and they took a leap of faith and got married. In less than 10 days, Jack was signing the lease for this apartment.  The 800 miles between them, became 2400. Until she returned to the SGC closing the distance by one less time zone.

She put her coffee down, wheeled her bag into the bedroom, changed into something more comfortable, then she cleaned up some of the take-out trash littering the living areas and plopped down on the small couch, pulled the throw over herself and tried to take a nap before dinner.  She looked up at the strangely blank wall and found the large framed photographs that had hung there turned facing the wall on the floor. Sam had thought it would be nice for Jack to be reminded of the beauty of Minnesota when he was stuck here. But she guessed he had been stuck here for too long and missed it or maybe it was because that’s where they had gotten pregnant last June.

She didn’t want to think about that either.  Or that this was her first time here since she lost the baby. She was supposed to be here for Thanksgiving, but managed to make sure she was on duty that day.

She fidgeted with her wedding ring and remembered her conversation with Nickolay this morning when he pointed to her ring and asked about her husband.  She realized it had been the first time she had mentioned Jack to Nickolay and at his urging no less. His forward behavior toward her did not change. She had lied to Vala.  She had not told him she was married, but it was not the first time she wore her wedding ring around him either. Her conscience – _in Daniel’s voice of course,_ reminded her that she had been flirting with a man the past few days and had more meals with him than she had with her husband this year.  A very attractive man, who made her feel desirable, beautiful, interesting and worth someone taking their time for her.

She didn’t want to think about that either. Well she did, but she shouldn’t.

She closed her eyes and tried again to rest and started to fall asleep.   _She felt the bullet shatter her spine and the sharp intake of breath in the white light and then a hand on her forehead and cold steel slice across her neck, again followed by sharp intake of breath in the white light._  She gasped sitting up, holding her throat, her shirt damp from a cold sweat, her heart racing from the violence and pain she can not justify, with scars that should be there, but aren’t. She looked around, tried to catch her breath, remembered, and compartmentalized the memories. She would need to include that in the report.  There are lots of things in that compartment in her mind now. It’s getting a little over-crowded.

Sam jumped up and went to the apartment gym for some time on the treadmill.  Still, she did not escape the endless attack of her conscience. _He has hardly been interested in you since you lost the baby._ She argued with herself and ran faster.  He could have forgiven you already if he knew it was a miscarriage.  No Sam, because the trip through the gate or that mission could have caused that too.  He can’t know why or how yet, because she can’t keep that O’Neill together. This angry and sad O’Neill is more manageable than vengeful O’Neill.  If he knew... No, not that either. She thought about work. About the Asgard Data Core project.

After showering and writing up some new notes for the Date Core project, it was still only 17:00, but she was pulling on her boots and getting ready to leave.  This time she would not be so abused by the weather. Rather than subject herself to further internal scrutiny, she decided to leave early and walk around the Pentagon City stores until she was supposed to meet Jack, but she still found herself at the pub early after pausing in front of a baby clothing store for a little too long.  

She was tired of struggling today, so warming up at the bar with a whiskey, she hopes she’ll be intoxicated enough by the time he arrives that she will not be overly self-aware and sensitive to his every move. She needs to see the smile in his eyes that he tried in vain to hide for all those years before.  She wants to give him the same. To smile and be able to let him know she loves him and he’s safe here with her in the first moments they see one another. She has not been this nervous about a guy since high school. She feels a bit ridiculous, but never has any man meant more to her than he does.

She smiles at that, because she knows in her core that is an irrefutable truth.  It restores some of her confidence that she can hold on to him, no matter what they do to her and that tomorrow maybe Malcolm and Shen won’t think she is too compromised to continue with this mission. If she can’t fool them, how can she begin to think she can fool her own husband and what if he notices the scars.  She downs the rest of her drink like a shot.

“Hey there gorgeous.” David greets her with a kiss to the cheek, as soon as he sees her sitting at the bar.  She’s startled and jumps, but he just smiles his usual kindness. Her and Jack have been coming here for years, David is a retired Navy Vet and owner of the bar and restaurant.  He feeds her husband more than she ever has and has always shown them both such great respect. He leans in, takes her hand and quietly tells her, “Those are all on me tonight.” He points at her empty glass. “Food too. General Jack already got his free night. My heart goes out to both of you.” She’s thankful he’s quiet about it and she accepts his condolences gracefully, with a squeeze of his hand.  She’s surprised that Jack has talked to David, or anyone about their loss. He doesn’t usually talk to anyone. He’s not holding it all in. That’s good; she hopes. “Hey Amber, get the lady a refill.” He calls to the bartender.

She was thankful not to be the only one of their party to get there early, and even more grateful it’s someone she considered a friend.  “Great to be out again after that blizzard, huh?” AJ tried to engage her in some small talk while they waited.

“Yeah.” She replied, even though she had missed the blizzard.  It’s not like she has never been inconvenienced by the weather.  But having beamed in only this afternoon, she was not inconvenienced by this particular blizzard.  She can’t say, she missed it. He might ask about how she got a flight in or drove in this weather and she did not want to create an extravagant lie – so ‘Yeah.’ It was, since he doesn’t have clearance, unlike his wife.

“Tell me about Cole?” She changed the subject.

“You need to come by and see him, he’s four already.”

“No!” She can’t believe that much time has passed. “Wow, they’re conversation machines at that age.”

“Yeah, he is.  He creates these amazing stories and he has the most incredible laugh. And, has his mother completely wrapped around his little finger.”

“Not you?”

“Sorry, hope you haven’t been waiting long.”  Jack interrupted suddenly, with his hands on her shoulders and a kiss her to her cheek, then curiously looked over the man conversing with his wife. “Oh Hi, AJ.” Jack greeted and reached over to shake hands.

“General.” AJ stiffens.

“Jack.” He corrected.

“Yes, Sir.”  AJ looked to Sam for help.

“Carter.” Jack greeted, and she laughed at him.  She was relieved that their first encounter since Christmas was so far off to a friendly start.

She turned toward AJ, “Just do it.  Rip off the band-aid.” She teased. “Say: Hi Jack, how are you doing?”

“Hi Jack, how are you doing?” He repeated her verbatim and winced.

“Great.  See that didn’t hurt.” Jack responded, slapping him on the back.

“Yes, Sir.” AJ involuntarily responded.

Sam pierced her lips and tried not to laugh. AJ had retired as a Lt Colonel, four years ago when Holly had Cole.  It apparently had not quite been long enough.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t been waiting long.”  Sam looked up into his eyes for the first time and raised her half-finished drink. “First one.”  She lied and winked at him and hoped AJ did not call her out on it.

“For a math whiz, you sure can’t count, Hun. Winking is a solid 3 for you.” Jack teased, and she saw the smile in his eyes and her cheeks suddenly hurt as her grin took over her face.

Winking is good, very good, he thinks.  3 drinks in or not. He’ll take it and that smile, “Just waiting for our table. I think Holly went to change.”  Jack pointed to Davis and the others and pulled his coat off.

“I brought you a change of clothes.” She continued to smile and nodded to the bag at her feet.

“You are a goddess.” He removed his jacket and grabbed the bag appreciatively, still smiling at her.

“I know.”

She was left holding his coat and uniform jacket.

“That’s impressive.”  AJ remarked on the decoration on Jack’s uniform.

“Yeah.  Do you miss it?” Sam clutched the sturdy material and ran her fingers over the representations of his accomplishments and sacrifices.

“Every day, until I pick up Cole after work and then I know there was no other choice for me.  Holly can’t do what she wants to do on the outside. I’m just glad you found her something she loves state-side.  You really have no idea how much we appreciate it.”

“No, I do.” She thought back to the plans her and Jack had made before she lost the baby.  He was going to retire, just as AJ had. She wondered if he could have been as happy. She pushed that back into the recesses of her mind she tried not to visit before the tears could escape.

“Right you’re still doing the long-distance thing, aren’t you?” AJ asked.

“Yeah. Hopefully, not much longer.”  She finished her third drink and ordered another.

“And yes, Colonel – I am thoroughly wrapped around that little finger of his.” AJ answered her previously unanswered question.

Holly joined them, and they caught up waiting a few more minutes for Jack.

Jack was back quickly in the outfit she had picked out.  AJ was now catching up with Holly as the two made their way toward the larger group.  Jack wore the jeans, button down shirt and jacket she packed. She looked at him admiringly; a twinkle in her eye.

“Been awhile.”

“Yeah, 31 days.” She feels like she’s holding her breath.

“Who’s counting?” He smiles, teasing her.

“Vala.”

“Ahhhh. Of course.  So… this isn’t what I packed.  You know I hate these jeans,” he complained, his breath close to her ear.

“I know, but they’re my favorite.”  She smiled wickedly, these left a little less to the imagination, his choice was too baggy.  She turned her head and their lips were so close, he barely had to lean in to kiss her. It was a tentative kiss, but sincere.  He leaned back, and she was smiling looking into his eyes.

“Right.  Well, since you wore that sweater, I’ll tough it out.”  He winked back at her and kissed her more firmly. He could do this too. He decided. His hand caressed her arm and it was intimate and comfortable.

“General, just five more minutes on your table.  Let me hang those up for you, back in my office.” David interrupted with his offer to take Jack’s coat and jacket behind the bar.

“Thanks David. I should have brought them back with me when I changed.”  Jack stole a drink from Sam’s glass and winced.

“Can I get you a drink, Sir?”

“What she’s having, but not diet.” He requested.

“Good trip?” Jack asked Sam.

“Sure.”  She smiled and bit at her bottom lip, looking between his eyes and lips.  She wanted to kiss him again and this time drag him out and home. But he needed to be here.  She could do small talk, it’s not like she could debrief him here. She had nearly grounded Odyssey, and the IOA tried to only partially fund the 8 new trainees they had insisted on, but he would see the reports soon enough.  She got the funding and would re-inspected the Odyssey as soon as possible. And, here with him now, she was feeling happy. “All good.”

During dinner, she sat next to Paul Davis and Holly.  Jack sat across from her, next to the guest of honor, the young Captain Jen McGuire.  Whose promotion they were celebrating tonight. Sam unexpectedly found herself having a good time, laughing a lot and often rubbing her foot against Jack’s leg.  Once against AJ’s, by accident and he teased Paul about it. After dinner, she stood next to Jack back in the bar, he had his arm around her, his hand resting in her back pocket. It felt easy. It felt like moving on.  It made her feel happy.

A few of the officers were still in the midst in the bar.  She tried not to think about any others who might be here watching her, though occasionally she could not help but look around and wonder at prying eyes reporting back to Izmaylov’s people. Would there be a text to threaten her.  Would Jack see it. Would it be better if he did and she didn’t have to hide this from him - then pushed the thoughts from her head.

She fished the speared cherry from her drink, while thanking any God listening that they were out of uniform.  She could flirt with her husband, laugh a little too loudly, and drink just a little too much and pretend for a moment there was no threat.

“I’m really glad you’re here.”  He whispered in her ear. She looked up into his dark eyes, she was still tipsy enough to encourage his intoxicated advances here in public.  God, she loved the intensity of his eyes when he looked at her. It felt good not to think too much, but to just let him flirt with her. And, forget why they could not yet be happy.

He kissed her neck. “You look amazing.”

She spoke close to him, “Taking me home now would be in the best interest of National Security, Sir.” She breathed into his ear.

“Become a bit of a light weight, Colonel?” He teased back.

“We’ve been here for more than 3 hours, General.  I passed lightweight before you arrived.” She looked around, “I am not sure how much longer I can hold back my lack of concern of airline delays.” She tried to focus on his grin and lips, which was even more distracting than his eyes.

“So, what you are saying is, if I act fast, tonight you’re a sure thing?”

“How did you get that out what I said?”

“I speak drunk Carter.”

She kissed his neck and her hand fell to his back pocket and she squeezed. “Good.”

“Check!” He called the bartender, not taking his smiling eyes off hers. “Sorry folks, it’s time to call it a night.”

He grabbed his uniform and a cab and took his wife home.

Jack wasted no time steering Sam to the bedroom, kissing her and removing the layers of winter clothing along the way, “I have not been able to stop thinking about you since you sent that ‘thinking of you’ text a few days ago.”

She eagerly returned his affections, hoping to erase the guilt of her time with Nickolay. Hoping Jack’s focus was blurred enough between the passion and alcohol to not notice, what he really should.

* * *

Sam woke with a pounding headache. She grabbed one of his t-shirts and went to get some water and aspirin. She walked around the cold, dark apartment and looked out the windows to the city.  Such a different view to that of their homes in Colorado or Minnesota. She refilled her glass and returned to bed. He seemed so still and peaceful. She settled back into bed and tried to fall back to sleep.

“Carter!” He screamed frantically into the darkness.

“It’s alright, Jack,” She repeated quietly by his side, careful not to touch him when his past was haunted him.  It had started a few minutes before he yelled out for her. Sometimes he yelled for her, sometimes Daniel or Teal’c and sometimes Sarah.

“Sam?” He finally acknowledged.

She placed her hand flat over his heart.  It was beating quickly. He grasped her hand and pulled her closer into his embrace.  He never called her Sam in his nightmares, so she always knew when he was passed it.

“It’s alright,” she repeated.

After a few minutes, he kissed her head. “I’m okay.  Go back to sleep.”

“Do you wanna talk-”

“No,”

“I’m here-”

“I know.  It’s alright,” he cut her off.

A few hours later, the phone rang and they both woke with a start.  “It’s mine,” Jack informed her.

“Don’t answer it,” she pleaded.

He turned his head and looked into her eyes, but he did at least give her an apologetic look when he pressed the button to answer. “O’Neill.”

They both relaxed back into bed, she curled back up next to him, and her feet found his again.   _She suddenly felt the warm Summer air of Minnesota envelope her, felt the gentle swing of the hammock._ She had just returned from commanding the Hammond and they had escaped to the cabin, and that was when they had gotten pregnant.  A wave of peace hit her momentarily.

His short nails ran in circles around her back and arm through the thin material of her shirt while he listened to the latest urgent issue.  Last night was the first time since they had lost the baby that they had truly enjoyed each other’s company and the first time they had sex. She had forgotten how much they could love and laugh together.

The sun was up and just a little too bright, shining in through the windows, but it was a beautiful, clear morning.  If it was not quite so cold, she would love to go for a ride with him today, but it was too cold, oh yeah and the bikes were in Colorado.  Besides she had to find an excuse to get to-

“I’ll be there in two hours…. No, two.”  She heard him sigh into the phone. “I’m sorry.” He apologized to her after he hung up.  She hid her relief in a kiss to his shoulder and curled up closer. “I have to go into the office for a little while today.  Apparently, my Chinese counter-part is here and Shen Xiaoyi wants me to meet with him before they leave this afternoon. I guess they don’t have Saturdays in China.  I hope you didn’t make plans for us. I’ll be back in time for the awards shindig.”

“No, it’s fine.  There’s an old friend who wanted to have lunch today. I didn’t think I would have the time, but now I do.”  She smiled as she lied too easily and kissed him.

“Old friend, huh?  Sounds like fun. I wish I could join you, but I did negotiate enough time to have breakfast with you before I have to get there.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She knows he doesn’t really mean breakfast the way he says it and for a moment she’s lost in kissing him. One of her hands is cupping his cheek, urging him to continue kissing him as the other runs down his bare back. His hand pulls her leg over his his and then runs from her thigh up to her lower back and pulls her in closer and his hand continues to roam. Then the fear hits her and she pulls away in a panic,  if he sees all of her skin sober, in the light of day… questions will arise. Questions she can’t have him asking, yet.

She jumped up and tried to catch her breath. “I uh.” She knows that both last night and this morning, intoxicated and sober he was clearly avoiding that area of her abdomen entirely, but she subconsciously ran her hand over that area now covered by the shirt. It stung as much as it was a relief that he could not bring himself to face her scars. “I can be ready in 20.” She turned and ran for the bathroom.

He watched her escape, wearing one of his oversized t-shirts.  Her long legs the only thing visible. He’s not sure when during the night she put that on.  He’s disappointed. He wanted to hold her longer, maybe make love to her one more time before having to go into work today.  He was surprised how easy last night was to just be with her. He was beginning to give up. Convinced he didn’t deserve to be happy.  Maybe they had a chance after all. He saw the look on her face though right before she jumped up. Then watched as she ran her hand over her scar.  He decided to give her some space; she had respected his need for time this past month. Actual breakfast this morning with her is good too. They don’t spend nearly enough time together.


	17. 01-27-2011 12:30 ET: Rockville, MD

Sam reached up and brushed her hand across her cheek where she could still feel the rub of his stubble against her face when Jack kissed her this morning before he showered. She tried to think about that and not question the looks she saw in his eyes in the light of day.  Questioning if it was the same tiring dance of the past 4 months or if he knew. Wondering what concerned her more… if he had noticed or why he hadn’t noticed. She refocused and pulled into traffic, merged onto the George Washington Parkway and headed North after dropping Jack off at the Pentagon.

It was a good thing Odyssey needed her this weekend or she might have missed this trip altogether with the number of flights cancelled in this direction. Spending time with Jack last night was risky but nice and the excuse of having tonight’s award ceremony was very convenient, but she really needed to make it to this meeting. 

She thought back to her first meeting with Barrett when she had beamed him aboard the Hammond after their Golf game in Alabama.

_ “Going somewhere?” He questioned of her attire. She was in full gear. _

_ “Gating out to P4X-228 in one hour, so we need to make this quick.” _

_ “Is that wise?” He asked and looked down at her abdomen, indicating he was clearly asking about the pregnancy. _

_ “No more dangerous than beaming up here.  What’s going on, Malcolm?” _

_ “You’ve heard the name Zahkar Izmaylov?” _

_ She thought carefully, there were Russian teams and they had a few skirmishes with the Russians.  She could not remember all of the names. This one was not familiar though. She shook her head. _

_ “You’re sure?” He looked surprised. _

_ “Why should I?” _

_ “Early 1991-” _

_ “I was in the Gulf War.” _

_ “More importantly for today’s purposes, General O’Neill was also. Or rather Lt. Colonel O’Neill at the time.” _

_ “Yes, he was fighting further North and then he spent 4 months in an Iraqi prison camp.” _

_ “I think it might be best if you read the report.” _

_ “I’d rather not.” She was pretty sure she did not want to know exactly what they did to him. _

_ He sighed, “The Iraqis were working with the Russians. They outsourced some of their counterintelligence to experienced Russian forces. Specifically, a Colonel in the Russian Army by the name- _

_ “-Zahkar Izmaylov.” She pieced together. _

_ “Yes. He specialized in coercive counterintelligence.” _

_ “Torture.” _

_ “How much has he told you?” _

_ She shook her head and almost laughed at the thought of Jack O’Neill voluntarily opening up old wounds, “He doesn’t dwell, but he does have nightmares. They are not very revealing, but I know it was bad.” _

_ “It would be best if you asked for reassignment to someplace remote, until I find a way-” _

_ She bit at the inside of her lip. “He took me.” _

_ Barrett nodded. _

_ So many questions raced through her mind.  She closed her eyes and saw flashes of a few moments – moments she had been trying to reconcile as real, since Barrett told her she had left Alabama. _

_ “Do you know where they took me?” _

_ He shook his head this time, “Out of range, but we are pretty certain they beamed you out.  Probably drugged you.” _

_ “They definitely drugged me.” She thought of the surreal experience and sucked in a sharp breath at one particular memory that followed with a bright white light. “They tortured me.” _

_ “Killed you and revive you in a Sarcophagus?” He repeated what she had said on the golf course. _

_ She nodded and tried not to think what that might have done to her baby.  “I’m guessing they didn’t expect me to remember that much.” _

_ “I would not think so.” _

_ “Jolinar. No one gets doses right. Usually, I just have to wait out the pain and hope it takes enough of the edge off.” She explains of her known pharmaceutical challenges. “So, they think they got away with it unnoticed?” _

_ “Likely. What do you remember?” _

_ She closes her eyes and tried not to fight it this time. Uses all of her training from over the years to face yet another evil. Breathes through the fear. “Nothing descriptive, gray metallic. Sounds I can’t place, the pain, words are garbled, questions about something with ancients maybe. I’m sorry, maybe if I had known, I could have tried. Pete?” She asks abruptly when she remembers again. _

_ “I’m sorry, Sam.” _

_ “He killed him?” _

_ He nods. _

_ “He’s a John Doe in Wyoming.  I had to leave him there. When this is all over, I’ll make sure his body gets back to family.  I have to ask; he was tortured. Is there anything I don’t know that Pete-?” _

_ She shook her head, not able to believe it possible. _

_ “He has a gate.” He informed her. _

_ “He has a Stargate?” She looked at her watch. “So, he didn’t take me because of The General or revenge?” _

_ "You are too great an asset to consider that narrowly." _

_ "Why thank you, Malcolm, I think." _

_ He smiled, "It was meant as a compliment.  There are many reasons someone would target you, Sam.”  _

_ “I feel all warm and fuzzy inside,” she responded sarcastically, only momentarily forgetting the time and threat.   “Someone’s going to notice I’m gone soon.” _

_ “When you get back from this mission, try to go to Atlantis or something, okay?  You can’t tell General O’Neill it’s Izmaylov or anybody why. Or about Pete. This is the closest I’ve gotten to this guy in years. I can’t lose him again, not now that he has a Stargate.” _

_ She squeezed his arm.  “Those are big asks.” _

_ “I know, but I am afraid you might not be able to protect your baby from this guy. Keep your family safe.” _

_ ‘The General is in Atlantis.  I’ll find a reason to go.”  _

Her throat tightened, because she didn’t protect her baby.  It was already too late, she just didn’t know until that afternoon. And, then in recovery she discovered it wasn’t just her at risk.  They were threatening to harm Jack and Cassie too. She had texted Barrett a couple of times during her recovery that she  _ ‘looked forward to getting better and playing golf again soon’ _ , hoping he would find a way to talk to her, but he only responded for her to  _ ‘get better’ _ .  She was frustrated and concerned, but she also had a lot going on with her recovery, trying to navigate grief with Jack and then coming back to work.  In the meantime, she revisited some of the anti-brainwashing skills she had be trained in over the years. It wasn’t until December that she was able to talk to Barrett again, when she was working at the Gamma Site.

_ “Dr. McKay is coming through in a Gateship, Ma’am. He requests that you join him onboard.” _

_ It’s odd, but so is Rodney, she thinks. She opens the large bay door of the warehouse type of space they house the gate in.  She designed this location to be easy for ships to pass through. She walks up to the back of the GateShip, enters and they take off.  It’s then she notices Barrett and they take a trip far from the Gamma site, where they go for a walk, without Rodney. _

_ “Right you went to Atlantis.”  She acknowledges of Barrett as she remembers the report. _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “For the loss of my baby, not talking to me earlier, or being taken again?” _

_ “I had hoped it was a one-time thing.” _

_ “If you had found a way earlier, I could have told you of the threats to General O’Neill and Cassie since I woke up from surgery. I haven’t been able to tell anyone.  When I think I have found a way around them, I get a threatening text. It’s like they are in my head too” _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “It’s been 2 months, and you still haven’t caught him?” _

_ “Can you tell me anything about this last time?” _

_ She crosses her arms defiantly, and looks over the beautiful landscape before her. _

_ “Sam you can either work with me or get reassigned off-world and maybe force him to go in a new direction.” _

_ “I can’t leave Cassie.” _

_ He nods. _

_ “I need more information.” _

_ “I know…” He sighs and thinks about the best order to unfold this in. “So, it was believed the US took out Izmaylov on the information they got when they recovered O’Neill. They took out the prison camp and his residential compound. He was presumed dead.  It’s wasn’t until Kinsey’s attempted assassination in 2003 that his name resurfaced. He disappeared for 12 years. Then suddenly his name is linked with the Russian Trust. It now appears he’s in charge. He calls the organization 'Vozvrashcheniye', meaning to return or comeback. His goal is to destabilize the entire world structure, not just move some alien technology to the market and make a profit like the Trust here.  He’s a zealot, he wants the return of Mother Russia, but not everyone in Russia is interested in stopping him.” _

_ “Not surprising. And, General O’Neill, the Head of HomeWorld security is not aware he’s alive?” _

_ “In 2003, when I investigated and found the connection, I considered telling him.  But my sources were not as reliable as I would have liked. It was too speculative. Now I have credible sources.” _

_ “And, yet you haven’t told him.” _

_ “This is a covert operation, Sam.  Not a military one.” _

_ She was not entirely comfortable with this.  “I work for the AF, Barrett, not the NID. I can’t just not report a threat, you’re going to need to convince me.” _

_ “Shen has-” _

_ “Shen Xiaoyi the Chinese delegate with the IOA? The Chinese are your credible source?” _

_ “She came to me with some intel that the Russians have another Stargate, further research implicated a rogue Izmaylov, not the Russian government.” _

_ “Of course, she did.” She felt protective and suspicious. _

_ “Sam. The Chinese had records I could access with less suspicion than my own and Shen has been getting her information confirmed by Dr. Markov.” _

_ Sam winced.  She somewhat trusted Markov for the most part. _

_ “I was able to meet with Dr Markov in China, she said Izmaylov went underground after his base was bombed. She had first met him when they started their Stargate program; he disappeared again shortly after they shut down their Stargate Program. Dr Markov would not admit he was part of it, but she did not deny it either.   He resurfaced when the Goa'uld tried to infiltrate the Russian Military. Then again ever so briefly when he tried to implicate, then Colonel O’Neill, in Senator Kinsey’s murder and then he implanted General Kisilev with a Goa'uld.”  _

_ “So, he’s been trying to take Gen. O’Neill down for some time if he was responsible for all of that? And you still don’t think he should know?” _

_ “Izmaylov was extremely disappointed by those failed operations from what Dr. Markov expressed.  He went back underground after that incident, the Russians lost track of him again. There were rumors that he was sick, and they downgraded their search for him. Look I did not have trusted intel that it was really him until a few weeks ago. And, no I don’t think it’s a good idea he knows. Or that he knows the man who tortured him for 4 months has recently been torturing his wife. Do you think he’s really in a good place to handle this?” _

_ “He’s the Head of HomeWorld Security, Malcolm.  It’s his job.” She defended; despite her very strong feelings to protect him. _

_ “We have established boundaries that place this in my jurisdiction.” _

_ “You are playing a very dangerous game.” She shook her head. _

_ “Do you not believe Izmaylov’s end-game is not to destroy your husband?” _

_ “It doesn’t matter.” _

_ “Sam, why haven’t you told him yet?” _

_ She struggled, because she knew exactly why. She feared he couldn’t keep Cassie safe. But she was not about to admit that to Barrett. She was loyal to her commanding officer and husband. _

_ “Sam, you have 2 choices, work with me to stop him or get reassigned somewhere distant from Earth.” _

_ “You’re wrong.  I have 3 options Barrett. I can report this to General O’Neill-“ _

_ “That you have been tortured and compromised and that Cassie is in danger. The girl who calls him Dad. He will put her in protective custody, she will not see daylight until Izmaylov is caught and God only knows how long it will be until he resurfaces. I will have to enact Article 7 of the Carter Policy to keep you safe and there will be nothing you can do to keep anyone else safe from him, while you are indefinitely detained.” _

_ “Damn it, Barrett. That’s not fair.” _

_ “No it’s not. Izmaylov brought you into this.  Not me. It’s not what I would have done. But it’s what we are stuck with. I have convinced Shen that if the 3 of us work together to take him down and secure the SGC, NID and IOA – and hell Russia, the US and China for that matter – that Shen will make sure you are reinstated and will support your inevitable promotion to the SGC.” _

_ “And, if I don’t, you’ll lock me up until the two of you can make the world a safe place for me again?” _

_ “He is incredibly dangerous and I believe unstable.” Malcolm acknowledge, with great concern.  “He lost more than his command when his base was bombed. His family was living in his nearby residence.  He had 4 children. That is also from Markov, the US had no record of his children living in Iraq.”  _

_ “So this is revenge.” _

_ “What’s it going to be Colonel?” _

_ “What choice do I have?” She sighed and agreed to work with him, “But I will read him in when I determine it is necessary for the sake of the mission.”  _

_ He hesitated, but he really could not stop her if she decided to tell him today or next year. He had to hope  her fear would make her think twice, “Let’s start again. Can you tell me anything about this last time you were taken?” _

_ “He’s got a memory tampering device.” _

_ “You’re kidding?!” _

_ She looked at him frustrated. _

_ “Of course, you’re not. Alien?” _

_ “Yes, I couldn’t see it. I just know that I have memories of being in Russia in grad school now and despite the vividness of the memories, there is no way the AF would have sent me there during the Cold War.”   _

_ “Alright, I assume you’ve had some kind of anti-brainwashing training.” _

_ “Yes, extensive. It became required of team members after the Za’tarc incident.  I have been running through the exercises.” _

_ “Good. I really don’t think they have a chance against you, but I still wish they had chosen someone else.” _

Someone veered into the lane occupied by another car a few lengths in front of her and the car horn pulled her from her review of the first two meetings. The view along the Potomac River to Rockville was beautiful, but the traffic was stressful as people flocked to stores for supplies between the 3 rd and 4 th dreaded blizzards of this season, still she managed to arrive on time.  She stepped out of the truck and into the sun and braced herself for this first meeting with Shen. Though they had worked together through the IOA for years, this was the first mission Sam was undertaking with her.  She pulled her leather jacket closed to protect herself from the wind and worked her way to the building, avoiding the dirty piles of snow pushed to the sides.

The industrial building was a modest row of divided warehouse spaces.  She could hear someone working with machinery through an open bay door nearby and a couple of construction guys came from one of the units, laughing on their way to their truck, but the parking lot was largely empty for the weekend.  She walked up to 1740 and pulled on the familiar door with tinted windows and no signage, except a faint residue for Acme Exports on the glass. She had not been here for more than a year and only twice before that. The front office held a desk, a couple of chairs and several empty filing cabinets.  She locked the door behind her and went through the door opposite, open to the back. The offices were still cold enough inside to warrant keeping her jacket on, though she let it fall back open now out of the wind.

Malcolm stood at a table under a long, fluorescent, hanging light in the center of the room.  There was not much in the open space. A few stools, numerous crates stacked against the walls and a server rack with an impressive display of surveillance monitors for the front door and surrounding area.

"So, what is this place?"  She heard the question echo off the walls of the nearly empty warehouse space.

"A gift-horse,” he explained to Shen Xiaoyi the Chinese delegate with the IOA.

"Excuse me?"

He smiled, "Can I have your phone, please Sam?”  He took it, placed it in the shielded box with his and Shen’s and then handed Sam a Starbucks cup.

She took a drink. Her favorite. Of course, his job was all about the details. She was thankful, as she was still nursing a bit of a hangover. She wondered if he knew about that too.

This was her 3 rd meeting with Barrett since they played golf back in October. First the Hammond, then the Gamma site and Barrett chose this place just a couple of days ago when he called her and said he wanted to talk to her about a new case involving a suspected minor System Lord on Earth and to meet him at Acme Ball shed. That’s how he referred to this place.

“This building was one of Ba'al's purchases.” He continued to explain to Shen.  “It’s still in the name of one of his dummy corporations...”

Sam had already heard the story, so she looked over the whiteboard where Barrett had scribbled names and pieces of intel. It was nice to see it visually, the dotted and solid lines connecting various players and pieces … and the empty spaces of missing critical information to understanding their plans. It felt like how she had laid it out in her head, but clearer and more players.

“He had it so well wired for scrambling signals and the surveillance system; I hated to see it go to waste.  He might have actually been more paranoid than me.”

“Not possible.” Sam interjected and smiled.  She pointed toward the picture of an unusual girl on the board, but Shen spoke first and got right to business quickly.

“It’s nice to see you Colonel Carter,” Shen greeted and shook her hand. “Sorry, it could not be under better circumstances.”

“I did not see another vehicle?” Sam asked.

“I beamed in from the Chinese vessel in orbit.” 

“I suppose I have you to thank for the General’s change in schedule?”

Shen smiled, “It was quite convenient for us.  So, still just the three times, Colonel?” She got right down to business.

“Yes. No. four now.”  She looked to Barrett for confirmation and hoping she was even answering the right question.

“Four.” He nodded. “October 4 th , December 6 th and 31 st and January 19 th .

Sam nodded trying to differentiate the experiences of each.  The last time they took her being just a week ago. A few days before Nickolay entered her life; that seemed so long ago already.

“Barrett says they have killed you and used the Sarcophagus to revive you?”

“Yes, more than a few a times.”  _ The white light envelopes her and she gasps a first breath.  _ She hopes she hid the physical response to that question.

“How much of that can you take?”

Sam looked to Barrett and back to Shen at the odd question, “I have no idea.”

“Still adding new memories?”

Sam nodded and reported, “Yes, I can confirm it’s the Galleran memory device they used to imprint the memories.  I got a look at it. I didn’t want to check on ours with them watching my every move, so I don’t know how they got the one they’re using. The memories are so vivid I can see Yakutsk in detail.  Zurich too now. I can understand why Cam had such a hard time with the murder-”

“You’re sure it’s the Galleran memory device?” Shen interrupted shortly.

“Yes, I am sure.  I’m kind of  _ the _ expert on alien devices, remember?” She responded irritably. She knew for certain that was one of the side effects of her numerous trips through the sarcophagus she was experiencing.  She had snapped at both Vala and Sophia in the last few days and at Jack this morning at breakfast.

“Why Zurich?” Barrett looked to Shen curiously.

“I don’t know.” Sam answered, feeling more frustration with each question, wanting answers of her own.  “The memories made no sense to me before, but now spending some time with Dr. Rushlanovich this past week, I think they implanted personal memories that make him more endearing to me.  I feel comfortable and safe with him; it’s not justified, but it is undeniable”

“Yes, I saw some of the surveillance.” Shen looked to Barrett, implicating him. “You appear to be convincing with him and seemed to have convinced Dr. Jackson of your feelings as well.” 

Sam blushed and worked to not spit out the sip of hot coffee in her mouth.  She hoped it was not evident, but from the look on Barrett’s face she knows she had not masked it well.  Despite knowing he was just using her, Nickolay had made her feel beautiful and desirable again. It had been a while since she had felt either, she was ashamed that she felt any need for his attention, but she had.  At least, she believed it made her part all the more convincing. “It’s important to convince him, is it not?”

“Of course it is.” Shen smiled knowingly.

“So, can we move onto the part where you tell me who this guy is? He’s from Yakutsk too. And, he was one of the men who oversaw the brain stamping.”

“You’re sure.”

“That’s why you’re still working with me isn’t it?  My marvelous tolerance of their drugs of choice and that they pulled me into this leaving you with no choice?” She left out Barrett’s ultimatum to lock her up, but did meet his eyes with the clear third unspoken reason.

“With everything you know, it’s very risky to allow these people to manipulate your mind and torture you.”

“Risky?” An ironic laugh escaped. “And, downright invasive, painful and the things your worst nightmares can not even imagine, but until you figure out how they are beaming me out of my bedroom and into their torture chamber and accept the risk of their having a Stargate we can’t seem to recover, we’re stuck with each other in this operation.” Sam finally let loose.

Somehow Barrett looked on with a mix of both a disappointed and proud father. Both of which she wants to wipe from his face because he deserves neither. “I’m sure. I remember him.” She confirmed to Shen.  “So, who is he?” She repeats her question, feeling now more firmly in control, since she has blown off a little of her steam.

“You are correct, he is from Yakutsk, like Izmaylov. We are not entirely sure of the connection yet. Dr. Ruslanovich seems to have a background in psychopharmaceutical manipulation. It’s a more subtle form of torture. I believe it’s how they are able to keep you in the dark about much of your time with them. He attended the Yakut State University for mining engineering, but was transferred to the psychology department and then onto Moscow for his doctoral studies when his natural talents were discovered.”

“So, add that to Izmaylov’s other guy with the extensive surveillance tactics, and I’m isolated, confused, and vulnerable while they watch my every move -- so they hope.”

“Girl.”

“Excuse me?”

Barrett pointed to the board.  “Anamari Anarki, the one with pink hair. It’s not her real name or hair color.  It’s rumored she was orphaned when her parents were killed in the 1998 revolution in Albania. It’s thought that they were high up in one of the Ponzi schemes that led to the revolution. She is extremely dangerous. She compromises her victim’s by hacking their phones, computers, security systems and then the threats start.”

“So, she’s been involved since at least October, since that’s when the threats to me started.”

“I should warn you.  I got this intel from HomeWorld.  She was caught as a person of interest in close proximity to both Cheyenne Mountain and Nellis AFB. General O’Neill called me into his office last week to coordinate an investigation.”

“Oh. Did he say anything about me?”

“Only that they had you at the top of the list of suspected targets.”

She nodded. “So, he suspects.”

“Their hope is that they are catching her at the beginning of something. I don’t think they’re on to us just yet. And, did not seem to have any intel on her activities in association with Izmaylov.” Barrett assured her. While he is not fond of reading me in on his intel, he was definitely fishing for information.

She thought about his behavior yesterday and today, “If he became aware of Izmaylov’s involvement, I think I would have detected a shift in his demeanor. That would be a significant development to him. So, did she come in with Rushlanovich?”

“It appears so. Maybe making sure they launched his involvement in the operation successfully. Izmaylov would want assurances that inserting him into your life was successful.” Barrett winced.

“And, what’s the end game there.” Sam wondered if this was just a test or if he would return.

“We know Izmaylov is determined to see General O’Neill suffer his revenge,” Shen tried to answer her question. “Izmaylov is a dangerous man on his own; he enjoys torturing his victims. Enlisting Ruslanovich with his talent for psychological warfare along with the surveillance from Anarki and the use of the memory tampering technology and the sarcophagus; this is getting significantly more challenging. You were depressed after you lost your baby, Colonel.  It compounds the risk and makes this so much more dangerous. Are you sure you are-"

Sam shook her head frustrated, “I was sad, a normal response to losing a child, but I was not depressed. I was cleared.” She replied confidently and annoyed, but then looked down at the coffee in her hands. Shen and Barrett did not even know how big of a factor the loss of her son was, and that ‘sad’ was not her driving force, revenge was. She knew these people were responsible for the death of her son.  Not some random attack of the Lucian Alliance. “Besides, it’s not like we have a choice.” She had worked with Shen several times over the past five years and she was always clear of her dislike of messy, emotional situations and this one was nothing less than a shit storm. “You think with all of this world domination stuff, Izmaylov still wants his revenge on General O’Neill by driving me crazy or now into someone else’s arms?  This all seems odd, doesn’t it?”

“You are the-”

“-most dangerous person on the planet.” She quoted the red scribble back to Shen.  “You don’t have to remind me. The policy is named after me, remember?” The controversial policy set the room on edge.  She had no doubt the two people in this room did not only NOT fight for her, but likely advocated for the policy. She sighed in frustration, especially now that he had used it as a weapon against her.

“My assessment,” Barrett tried to avoid that topic. “He is a terrorist, with a stargate and some type of beaming technology. He has not just the will, but the resources to launch attacks on numerous fronts; he is a serious threat. He is a strategist, working every angle and opportunity he has available.  No opportunity or advantage is wasted. If he can get control of the Earth with the default Gate and revenge on for his wife and children. Two birds, one stone.... You are either a tool or an asset to him. I hope more of an asset.” Barrett looked concerned.

“Me too.” Sam was trying come to terms with the nightmare she was flirting with.  She had remembered enough of the times they had taken her to know it had happened, but never a complete picture and some of the times were more difficult to put together than others.  She had to be careful about waiting to record any of it until she was in a safe space like now. She would record as much as she could before she left, but she knew she needed help. “I need to bring someone into this who knows me well.”

“We need to be careful with these people, Sam.  They have their expert in surveillance. You have to assume there is nothing you can hide from them.” Barrett reminded her.

Shen added, “I agree, I don’t think it’s time to bring in the General-”

“I was thinking Vala.”

“Vala? Why?” Shen was obviously was fooled by Vala’s playful façade.

“She can handle this, she knows me, and sees me regularly.  She’s observant and been asking me strange questions lately, she’s picking up on the discrepancies. It would be helpful to have her eyes, and I could tell her why I need her to stop with the questions.  We’re spending a lot of time working in the Asgard Database Core on Odyssey – we can use that without suspicion. It’s impossible to get a signal through that room and it’s here now.” She made her case.

Barrett nodded to Shen, “If you feel it’s necessary for the success of the mission.” Shen reluctantly agreed.

“Thank you for trusting me.”

“We knew this would get difficult when they stamped the memories. Don’t neglect even the smallest detail.  It may get embarrassing, but that’s one of the reasons why we kept this task force so small.”

Sam nodded.  She was already in the habit of checking her thoughts and feelings regularly.  Especially with the repeated trips through the sarcophagus. She had been reviewing her past mental training often.  The tools they gave her helped her connect to who she was at different points in her life, staying connected to the things that consistently defined Sam Carter, rather than individual points; her love of science and exploration, her love for her friends and family; and her plans to advance in the AF.  She looked down and took a deep breath…

“Something’s bothering you?” Shen asked. 

“No.”  Sam tried to sort it all out.

“Sam?” Barrett tried a softer approach.

“Just the plans for my future, but with all of the changes in my life lately how can I blame them for my feelings?”  She admitted.

“Don’t trust any changes.  Trust only yourself from no less than a year ago.” Shen recommended.  “I’ve never met anyone more confident of what she wanted.” Shen made certain to reinforce her words with direct eye contact and a rare compassionate smile.

Sam nodded, the woman could certainly keep her guessing. Apparently, Shen wasn’t listening though when she explained that any memory from any time could be implanted or manipulated.  One year or 10 did not really matter.  _ Consistency, Sam. _ She brought them back to the previous discussion, “It doesn’t matter why though, I have to allow the feelings and follow where it leads; I have to follow their game, if we want to recover their stargate.”

“Follow them, but stay vigilant,” Malcolm reminded her.

Shen stood, “One other thing, while my source did not have a lot of knowledge of Rushlanovich, one thing was clear.  When his methods have failed, he has become violent and unpredictable.” 

“Then I have to make sure he doesn’t fail, don’t I?”

“When we recover the Stargate, we will pick up the pieces together.” Shen assured her, squeezing her shoulder.

“Anything else?” Sam asked.

Shen shook her head. Sam felt certain she could not trust Shen to share all of her intel or be there to help her put the pieces back together. 

“I have a meeting at the Embassy.”  Shen put her hand out for Barrett to return her phone.  “We will meet again when necessary.”

Sam watched Shen contact her ship and beam out. “I wish I had a stronger grasp on what their end game is.” She admitted to Malcolm.

He nodded, “I think we can count on them trying to destroy your marriage.  I didn’t want to make you feel to anymore uncomfortable in front of Shen.”

She lowered her face to her hands and closed her eyes, she felt so vulnerable regarding her private life. “Thank you. But I think we can be certain that is one of their objectives.  Especially now.”

“Has General O’Neill noticed?”

She was still angry with Malcolm for backing her into this corner, but she needed to be able to trust someone and she knew why he did it.  He really did believe he had to protect her. And, she knew he would never ask her to do anything he didn’t believe her capable of. She looked up, “The scars, or rather the lack thereof?” She confirmed what he was asking before she answered. “No, I don’t think so.” she said sadly.

“It’s a good thing, for now.” He assured her.

“I know.  If he knew what really happened.  What is happening. He wouldn’t be able to keep it in check, not if they are watching him too.”

“You sure about that? You seemed determined to bring him in before.”

“I know. The sarcophagus is a significant issue for him that on top of Izmaylov, it’s going to be-” She couldn’t think of the right word for that and when she thought about it more she did not want Barrett to label it either. “He just needs a little more time before we read him in. He’ll be there when I need him.”

Barrett sighed and regarded her, “You trust him that much?

“General O’Neill, my commanding officer of more than 15 years… without reservation.”

“Your husband?”

It had been a while since she had consciously contemplated them as two separate identities, but she knew that really was the challenge here... her husband, the father of her baby, Cassie’s father…  She was quiet and did not share her doubts on that with Barrett.

“I know you’re trying to protect him, but don’t forget who he is.  Hold on to that as one of those touchstones you established. They’re going to try to undermine your marriage.  There is a good chance they underestimate your respect for your commanding officer. It’s something I don’t think Izmaylov or Rushlanovich can really appreciate. Hold on to that.”

She nodded.

"This is so dangerous.  I really wish he didn’t drag you into this." He expressed his concern.

"What do you think the System Lords and Ori were, girl scouts?  Do I have to remind you how many times I have saved the world, Barrett?"  She teased him, but she held firmly to her deepest motivation, revenge for her baby.

“No, I am well aware of the count.  So, Colonel Carter,” He placed a file in front of her. “as I promised last time.  Our cover story is that we are hunting a Gou’ald named Khepri. The God of creation and rebirth, a lacky of Ra and suspected to be here on Earth for a while or so we planted for our convenience a few years ago.  He’s really just likely dead, but I planted it in Ba’al’s records, in case we needed a scapegoat.” 

“How all ‘government conspiracy’ of you.”

“If you receive an “Imminent Action” report from me, I have intel that you are in immediate danger.  Find an excuse to get to the Gamma site or Antarctica, I will see that report and we’ll work out an extraction.  This won’t be easy. The drugs, surveillance and manipulation. They will hit you from all angles – paranoia, self-doubt, it will all be working against you.  Every sore spot you have, they will find it and completely control your decent. You need to know who you can trust – explicitly and never let go of that. Now, again… Is there anything you’re not telling me?”

“You know more about me than my husband, Malcolm.”

“Somehow, I doubt that. But you didn’t really answer the question, did you?”

“You know everything you need to know for this mission.”

He nodded, but she saw suspicion cross his face. “I hope so, Sam.” 

“Malcolm, I’ve got this.  And, if I wanted to disappear, no one would ever find me.”

“But you have family.”

She nodded, took the file and tried not to read too much into what he meant by that simple statement.

“This job you’ve applied for-” He changed subjects.

“Don’t say it,” she responded sternly.

“It’s a waste of time to try.”

“Let me keep my illusions, Barrett.” She responded trying not to feel betrayed by him.

“The SGC needs you.  Your work there isn’t done.  Look at just the last year and how far you all have come thanks to the upgrades in the unmanned reconnaissance program and upgrading the ships with the modified Asgard Data Core.  You grossly underestimate the impact you have. And, I hear you are due for a promotion later this year.”

“And, you have way more access than you should, but thank you, Barrett.” She tried not to feel like a needy child appreciating the praise.

He smiled, but then became serious again, “Sam, there’s one more thing.”

“God… Isn’t there always?”

“You know this could compromise your future with the SGC, I know Shen says she will be there, but if she’s not convinced that you are still in control…”

“I know, it’s just challenging when you can’t trust yourself.  Let’s pretend I didn’t say that.” She sighed. “I know that if I can’t convince her, I don’t have any business running the SGC.  We both know that. Trust my team.” She smiled self-consciously and tapped her fingers on the table. “I suppose I should write up my report for you. You’re sure you can keep this secure from any access.”

“Do you know anyone more paranoid than me?”

She smiled and moved over to the computer; then she started opening up those specific compartments in her mind that she had filled in the last few weeks with this mission report.


	18. 01-29-2011 16:46 GMT Unknown

Brad scrubbed his hands over his face and looked over the board with photos and translations tacked up there. Too many unknowns.  Back at the SGC that would be a bad thing. Here, in this case it was a good thing. He looked at the picture of the back of the transporter and thought back to that day he was taken.  When he watched the transport start to shake and sink into the ground and they started running, not knowing where SG-1 had disappeared to. How worried they were that they were all dead until they established radio contact with them again.

_ “I hope this is all we need to recover SG-1.” Col Ryan joked as he slung a long climbing rope over his shoulder and then turned around. “You and Penhall stay here in case Cam under estimated how deep he is and we need more rope. Or in case more ground disappears from under my feet. I’m not explaining the ground swallowed you up to your wife. That woman scares me.” _

_ Brad laughed. _

_ Shortly after they lost visual contact, he and Penhall were picked up by the Lucian Alliance. _

He’s was able to learn their names from the listening to the guards.  In additional Anamari, the decision makers are Izmaylov and Arisha. They had been gone for quite a while and it had been quiet. He is back now. Izmaylov takes the transport to another location in the ship when he arrives by himself. When they are both here it seems that the arguments are increasing in frequency and intensity, it gives Brad some sense of satisfaction.  He looks out the glass over the gate room and wonders how much longer. Arisha beams in and he feels Izmaylov’s dark presence as he enters and descends the stairs to meet her. Brad moves closer to the doors to see if he can hear anything new. 

“They are going back to P4X-228!” She informs him loudly.

“You worry too much, there is nothing to find there.  If there was – he would have already deciphered it.” He points up to Brad.

“You are weak and not willing to make the decisions necessary-”

“You are too focused on evening the score, my dear.”

“You are not focused on it enough.” Their voices are louder with each response.

“Justice is a long and patient process, and not at the expense of all we have to gain.  I have put too much time into this effort to let emotion derail us.”

“You place too much value in her abilities.”

“And, your emotion has caused you to undervalue her contributions! Take solace that once we succeed, her fate is inescapable.”

“I will not hesitate.”

He grabbed her arm roughly, and despite her flagrant rebellion and posturing, she can’t hide her fear of him. “But you will wait until the proper time, that is an order. Don’t disregard me again. Emotion is not my failing, and neither is sentiment.” He is clear and cruel the way he pushes her away.

It’s a creepy familial bickering thing they have going on, but they kidnapped him and want to rule the world, so what’s another weird characteristic of the psychopaths or sociopaths or whatever it is their kind of crazy qualifies as.

So, some sort of revenge thing they have going on. Against Carter? He wonders.

Brad looks back to the board and tries to refocus on the symbols in front of him.  Or at least appear to be trying to focus. His rubs his tired eyes and wishes he could have been more like Dr Jackson.  More into the meaning of life stuff, but no, he found technical interpretations much more fascinating and challenging – and so they targeted him.  Usually, they like to go after Jackson. He is generally considered the most valued member of the linguist’s department at the SGC. Unfortunately, not this time.

Sure, the meaning of life stuff… trying to understand what concepts faith or hatred might mean to an alien race is interesting but trying to determine how they name their scientific systems and procedures was his thing.  He laughs, not out loud of course, because that would draw unwanted attention. But he always laughs inside when he thinks of the young punk he was when he joined the Marines and how different he is now and what he would have thought of the type of guy he became.  He is grateful Sophia never met that asshole or he would not have a sweet little girl now. He tries not to think of meeting Sophia on Atlantis or when they were sent back to the SGC after he got her pregnant years into the expedition, or his little girl and missing her 3 rd birthday.   _ Cut it out, Avery. It’s not going to you home any quicker. _

But, he can't help when his mind pulls him even farther back to the day Jackson brought back the Ancient language, Brad had seen some of the patterns and Jackson encouraged him to go back and finish his education.  He earned a doctorate in linguistics and became the leading technical translator for the SGC, then he was chosen for the Atlantis expedition. That time he was very thankful he was chosen over Jackson.

On Atlantis, he met Sophia, a physicist when they were working in the crystal development lab.  He learned a lot there. The documentation was very specific to one area of science and that was what he needed to develop a vocabulary list for her and them… it’s what he needs now.  Specific context. This database is about a quarter the size of the Atlantis database and it could still take several lifetimes to unravel. He has no intention to give them too much direction on narrowing their search.  He could. But his daughter’s life is worth more to him than being in her life. And, he has become too aware of enough of their end game to know he needs to do everything he can to stop them, even if he can’t make it home. 

He looked at the mystery word he had posted on the board again.  Translations are contextual and technical translations are virtually impossible.  Some words are the key to solving others. Like this one. The first step is identifying pivotal words.  That’s his job – develop the impossible technical vocabulary list.  _ And, that’s why you are here.  Damnit. _

Endless documentation spits out of the printer interfaced with the archive.  Pages of words, many are highlighted as unknown. The patterns are developing though and it’s a balance to understand, but not reveal too much. 

In the short duration of his captivity, he can see that the divide in the two missions of Izmaylov and Arisha is growing and is on track to destroy them and he can only hope it will provide him an opportunity to escape and go home before they grow impatient with him.  He’ll give them a couple more words today. It will buy them some more time.

“Major.” He knows the voice and tone… he reaches back to accept the inevitable delivery of more paper.

“She’s back.” Penhall warned dramatically as he entered the room. 

He shrugs. Penhall would like to be disgusted entirely by Anarki, Brad can tell it’s a struggle for him.  The girl is cute, just completely unhinged. It’s bittersweet when Anarki is in the ship, he will see pictures of his wife and daughter, and then she will graphically remind him what she will do to him or them and then he can’t get those pictures out of his head.  He tries to focus on Lizzie’s smile and that at least he is getting glimpses of their life while he is stuck here.

He wonders what exactly she does for Izmaylov. Other than stalk his wife and daughter.

The next day, it’s quiet again.  He listens more intently to the few conversations of the soldiers for clues about their next phase. They seem to think they are making progress with Carter. She’s a brilliant mind; he really hopes she just has them fooled.


	19. 01-30-2011 01:17 ET: USS Odyssey

It’s a bitter chill.

That’s the only way she can describe it.  She remembers her first time through the gate vividly.  And, how over the years she’s discovered how odd or oddly consistent it is… that feeling upon reintegration is that same bitter chill whether beaming in via Asgard beam, travelling via Stargate or by the Rings.  It’s all the same in the instant you reintegrate, worse when something is not quite right.

Sam shivered, shaking off the chill.

“It’s off, isn’t it?  I told Susie Q it was off.  She just disregarded me.” Vala stopped filing her nails to accuse the beaming technician.  “It’s not supposed to make you shiver, it is supposed to be a very subtle sensation.” She instructed with emphasis on the last word.

“It’s off,” Sam confirmed to Captain Susan Lowry.

“Yes Ma’am, I’ll recalibrate.” 

“How long have you been waiting for me, Vala?”  Sam asked, picking up the items she had beamed aboard with her.

“Surprise, Darling!” She said spreading her arms, full of her usual exuberance.

“Vala?”

“I heard it was Captain Lewis’ birthday.  Kidding!” She smiled. “I received a new assignment from Agent Barrett with a request to check the Asgard Data Core for any relevant intel.” She said the last part in a deeper voice.

“Yeah, we’ve been working on this one for a few weeks.  You came to do research, tonight?”

“Well, okay I actually did come up early for Captain Lewis’ birthday.  I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.” Vala helped Sam with her bags. 

“Party over?”

“Just.” Her eyes went wide and Sam was pretty certain Vala was not entirely sober. “What are you doing here so early and why so formal?”  She referred to Sam’s semi-formal dress.

Sam smiled tightly at Vala.

“Again.  He can be such an ass.” She said under her breathe. 

Sam was thankful that Vala knew enough of her relationship with Jack, that she did not have to explain everything and that she also knew Sam would not want her personal life broadcast.

“Give me the extra hair tie you have on your wrist.” Sam put everything back down.

Vala took the extra hair tie off her wrist and handed it over.  “You’re worried about your hair, in those shoes?”

“Also, fixable.” Sam said as she put her hair up and then took off her high heel shoes and carried them with her bags. As they exited the room, they ran into the commander.

“Sam?!”

“Hi Sharon.”

The commander looked over Sam’s attire surprised, “Thank you for taking the time to come up tonight.  We need to get moving as soon as possible. You look great! I hope we didn’t ruin the party.”

“Thank you, no the party’s over.  I just need to run a search and look over the architecture of the Asgard Core for a moment, we ran into a snag on the modified version we’re adding to the other ships.”

“Is there a project you aren’t working on?”

“Not many, but this is one of my favorites.  Vala has the updated reports for me to review and clear you to be on your way.  I will look them over while I check the database.”

“Congratulations on that.” She pointed to the plaque and called out as she carried on.

“Is that the new award?” Vala took it from Sam’s arm.  “American Astronomical Society Outstanding Mid-Career Work in the field of Astrophysics… a bit wordy.  Couldn’t they name it something more catchy like Oscar or Emmy or Vala!?”

Sam smiled and then stopped so she could change before they arrived at the core. 

Now in uniform, Sam dismissed the two technicians in the Asgard Database Core room and sat at the keypad.

“Seriously Sam, everything you need to know about this  _ minor _ System Lord, I can tell you.” Vala informed her conspiratorially, leaning over the computer core.

“And, what’s that?”  Sam asked as she continued, so at least the search was on record.

“Khepri’s dead.  I can confirm, because Qetesh killed him.  Not a big loss though. No need to be sad. He was a miserable, sorry excuse for a  _ minor _ System Lord or any other being for that matter.” 

“I know.”  Sam admitted. “Well, I didn’t know Qetesh killed him, or the sorry excuse part, but that he was likely dead. How can we be sure no one else knows?”

“No one will ever find his body...parts.” She said with a chilling reserve that reminded Sam of Vala’s checkered past. “So, why did Malcolm text me, ‘Need any intel on Khepri from ADC’? He knows Khepri’s dead.’”

“To get you here.”

“Ahhh, so how’s Malcolm?” She asked in a sultry voice, biting on her finger nail.

“Malcolm, is it, huh?”

“I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Oh yes, you do. Every time.  In excruciating detail.”

“Alright, well I don’t not kiss and tell? Where’s the fun in that?  So, you want to tell me about this mission or the argument first?”

Sam walked around to the other side of the computer core where Vala was standing, slid down the Core casing, Vala followed and they sat there on the floor of the ADC. 

Sam put her head in her hands and questioned her decision to bring Vala into this again after today’s threats.  Vala reached out to hold her hand and waited. “I’m working undercover with Malcolm. Shortly before I lost the baby, I was taken and tortured, three, no four times now.”

“Ok wait, what?  I didn’t see that coming!”

“But you knew something was up?”

“Sure… affair, at worst. 

“Affair?”

“Well there’s a steaming, hot man back in Colorado Springs with the eyes and the shoulders and the way he looks at you. A girl has needs.”

Sam blushed.

“Or not… so much, anymore.  So not an entire waste of a trip. Good.” Vala teased her.

“Vala, we don’t have much time.”

“Right. Tortured?!” She repeated the word with all of the shock of having not been distracted.

“Yeah and they used the sarcophagus to hide it. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s the real reason I lost the baby. No one knows that part, not even Jack. He can’t know yet.” She shook her head and tears escaped.  It was the first time she said it out loud. 

Sam wiped the tears away and started to fill in the blanks, “Oh god, where to start?  I thought I was having very vivid, very bad dreams, when Barrett invited me to play golf.”

“Golf is not a euphemism, unfortunately.  I learned that the hard way. So golf…”

“He informed me that in tracking me, they discovered I had been beamed out the night before. These people used the Galaran memory device on me and planted memories from long ago, I think to make it easier to connect with me on some emotional level.  That Russian Dr...” Sam admitted.

Vala was very surprised. “No, not Mr Shoulders and Eyes.”

“Afraid so.”

“Daniel really doesn’t like him?”

“Daniel is a good judge of character.”

“I like to think so.” She smiled smugly.

Sam nodded.  “So, years before Jack joined the Stargate program, he was in a war.  He was captured and spent 4 months as a prisoner of war. He was tortured by a Russian soldier, Izmaylov.  They thought he was killed but turns out he is alive and has his own Russian like version of the Trust. Dr. Ruslanovich is working for them.  About the same time the IOA got intel that someone on earth had acquired a Stargate, the NID got intel that the SGC had been infiltrated by a terrorist and they were concerned there might be a connection, so they created a taskforce. Slowly putting all of the intel together that this is one operation. Shortly after that, Malcolm discovered I was not where I was supposed to be and approached me.”

“Cause he always knows-”

Sam smiled tightly. “I’ve never said they didn’t have a valid reason, Vala.”

“I know.”

Vala looked surprised, “So, the SGC is compromised. That’s why you haven’t told us?”

“That’s part of it.  They also have a person known for infiltrating secure systems, so the SGC security systems might be compromised. That’s why I wanted you here.  You know how hard it is to get a signal in or out of here. They keep sending me text and pictures to prove they are watching me and those I love.”

“You got one, soon after you woke up from surgery?” Vala asked.

“Yes. I had a feeling you were picking up on little things like that.  That’s one of the reasons I chose you. You notice too much and are not quiet about it… unless you need to be and I don’t know who at the SGC is working with them. We don’t know where their Stargate is, they have been very careful.  They did their homework and have dampened the vibrations, so we won’t be able to find it like we found them in the past.” 

“How did you find out about these planted memories?”

“As you well know there are a few advantages of being a former host.  The people who took me have miscalculated the drugs they sedated me with.  That and the memories they planted had me in Russia for graduate studies. Russia would not have let an AF officer into one of their universities during the cold war.  But I can see the stars crossing over the Lena River at night and vividly remember my flat, blocks from the Limmet River in Zurich. I’am just as certain I not ever been to either place.”  _ Thinking of the Lena River, she could feel her hands intertwined. The hand was warm and strong and reassuring. _

“And, you know it was the Galaran memory device?”

“Yes, somehow I think they got it from Area 51.”

“No, they got it from the Chinese.” Vala accused.  Sam looked at her strange. “I was with the team that delivered it.”

“That’s not possible, Shen…”

“Shen Xiaoyi, the Chinese delegate with the IOA?” Vala clarified. “She was there.”

“Vala, she is one of 3 people on this task force.  I don’t know who I can trust; least of all myself.”  Sam put her head down on her knees and let out a deep breath.

“So, Izzy and Shoulders have a Stargate and we need to get it back and we need to find out why they are torturing you? Why don’t we just stop them from taking you?”

“Well, I never thought someone would beam me from my bed.  But, if I did try to stop them, they would know I know and we need the Intel.”

“And, we need to stop this monster… for Jack?”

Sam turned her head toward Vala and nodded her head. “Yeah.”  _ and George,  _ she thought silently.

“This is dangerous.”

“Very.  They already killed Pete to get information to use against me.”

“Your ex?’ Vala asked surprised.

“Yeah.”

“I hadn’t heard.”

“As far as anyone is concerned, he’s just missing. Barrett found him in a morgue in Wyoming as a John Doe about a month ago.  He was tagged-”

“Another unwilling participant in the Carter Policy game?”

“Yep.”

“So, more justification for them.”

“Yeah.”

“Why Pete?”

“He knew things.”

“Personal?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re worried he won’t be the last?”

Sam nodded, “And, unfortunately, I haven’t figured out where their base of operations is.  I don’t know how long this assignment is going to last, it’s been too long as is.”

Vala took her hand.  “What do need from me?”

“I need you to keep watching and I may reach a point when I won’t know what’s real, but I have to keep moving forward. You’ve already been noticing the changes. You’re the only one who has.”  She looked sad again and Vala sighed and squeezed her hand.

“Well, I do love you more than he does.  I have told you that time and time again.”

Sam laughed.

“I need you to keep me in check, but also, Daniel.”

“I’ve got your back and I never need to be asked to take care of my Daniel.”

“And, I need you to ask fewer questions about my inconsistent behavior.”

Vala nodded, “But somehow keep you in check.  Got it.”

Sam smiled sadly and rested her head on Vala’s shoulder.  “I don’t know if I’m grateful Jack and I are fighting so much or heartbroken, Vala.”

“You’re heartbroken, sweetheart. Want to talk about it?”

Sam had returned home from meeting with Malcolm and started to get ready. Jack was still not home, the two hours had turned into 5.  With no call or text to let her know what to expect. She checked her email and there was a notice from HomeWorld overriding her recommendation for the new Lead Chemist for Atlantis.  A little while later she received a picture of Jack and Julienne working at his desk. He seemed to be laughing. She felt her expertise mistrusted and then betrayal. She tried to reign it in, acknowledge they were trying to manipulate her feelings.  Jack came home started to get ready and asked her a question about her decision to pull the Chinese from one of their scheduled missions. He had just asked, but she could feel her blood pressure rise and then it hit her, there was no way she could protect him from them. He didn’t even know he was in danger and Izmaylov obviously did not like that they were making progress healing their old wounds.  He wanted to separate them. The sooner she allowed it, Jack would be in less danger. Before she knew it, they were yelling and then she was on her way to the Awards dinner alone.

“No, it’s the same stuff. Except…”

“Except?”

“Today was the first time in a long time, I felt like he did not believe in me as an officer.”

“He does, Sam.” Vala reassured her. “Trust me, he does.”

“He’s safer this way.  This is going to get worse before it can get better. Malcolm tried to warn me, this is going to be harder than I can imagine.” She wiped more tears from her face.

“You are not alone in this. You have me now. You needed a team.”

“I did.” Sam smiled and was thankful she still had Vala as someone she could lean on and trust.

Vala changed the subject to something she knew Sam would enjoy more.  Work. Which got Sam up and back at the console, “Molly and Rex in conjunction with a drone found a Trinium load we missed on one of the previously visited uninhabited planets.”

“I heard.” Sam listened to Vala report on the mission as she started reviewing the ship’s maintenance records to give them the go ahead..

“So, that means the Pentagon should be as happy as Daniel is with them.” Vala wrapped up.

“They are.  Did I hear correctly that you went back to P4X-228?”

“Yes. We went back to look at the writings Nyan’s crew found.”

“And?”

“Daniel insists there is something missing, but he thinks Janus is being cryptic.”

“Janus, the ancient who built the time travel GateShip?”

“The very one.”

“Is Daniel still there looking for clues?” She is pretty sure she could not go back to that planet, but then she understands why he needed to.  For the same reason she would if she thought there was a clue to where Penhall and Avery went.

“No, he went back to Atlantis to review their archives, specifically Janus’ research this time.  I’ll be going there to meet up with him in a few days, after our girl’s night out. I couldn’t abandon Sophia. Oh and he’s getting involved in translating the documentation from the Clementia too.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Without he or Brad pushing in that department, the technical stuff gets backlogged.” Sam sighed and returned the tablet to Vala.  “Run this back to Sharon, would you? I’m going to look for that architecture issue, then I’ll grab my stuff and meet you in the beaming room.”

“You got it.” Vala jumped up and left Sam to try to focus on code.

Sam watched her leave and felt bad for all she still couldn’t tell Vala. Hell, she was fighting to be as honest as she could with herself, but she knew the veil of her awareness was slipping. It had to in order to protect them all.  But the thing she couldn’t keep behind the veil... the secret she was fiercely holding back -- was beginning to slip more and more into her conscious thought and she feared the next time they took her, she would not be able hide it and that their awareness of that vulnerability would be their greatest advantage.


End file.
